Thursday, May 31, 2012
Oops
Almost forgot to post today... Can't find a picture, either. Tried to take one of BJ as he was coming to bed, but he's too quick for me!
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Begin As You Mean To Go On
There's this thing that happens with parents of young kids that needs to be addressed. Parents need to remember to begin as they mean to go on.
What does that mean? Well, here's an example. You can't dress your children in this:
...and not expect them to dress like this:
...when they're teenagers.
You can't allow them to swear like sailors when they're home because it's precocious, and then suddenly expect them to watch their language when they're in school.
My mom and I were talking about this today. She said that when I was around two I said something cheeky (she doesn't remember the exact wording) in front of her mom. My mom laughed. Grandma grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into the next room and said, "I know it's cute now, but you can't laugh at things like this, because it's not going to be cute when she's 15. I don't care if you have to go into another room, but you can't laugh in front of her." I have quite a mouth, so I shudder to think how I would have ended up if Grandma Betty hadn't intervened!
If you think about it, it's really confusing for the kid if you think something is cute when they're two, and suddenly it's something they're in trouble for when they're 5. I see it a lot with hitting. It's easy to laugh off their tiny fury when they're two and it doesn't really hurt. Trust me, that exact same behavior is going to be a whole different story when they're 12, and again when they're 22.
We've enacted a zero-tolerance policy in this house on hitting. If they hit each other, the girls are grounded for 24 hours. They've each experienced a 4 hour grounding (during the afternoon when their friends were out and their sister was out and they were stuck inside sobbing) so they know it sucks. I'm hoping that I won't have to do it again, because it really sucks the most for me.
Also, in giving consequences, making them mind, and following through with my threats, I'm also beginning as I mean to go on - because when they're teenagers they'll already be in the habit of listening, they'll know that their dad and I mean business, and they'll know that they can't get away with anything on our watch. I mean, seriously, if your 2 year old is already walking all over you, what do you think your life is going to look like when she's 12?
Begin as you mean to go on. Hitting is never ok, even if you're too little for it to hurt anyone. Mouthing off is never ok, even if it's precocious. Dressing like you don't have any modesty or self-respect is never ok, even if you have the body to pull it off. Deliberately breaking things is never ok, even if they're your toys that I don't really care about (I'll care when it's my car!). Hurting other people is never ok.
So much of our behavior is the result of habits - what we eat, how we dress, the order that we complete mundane tasks in - and it's easier for everyone if we get our kids into good habits from the very beginning.
Do you ever look at your kids' behavior through the lens of the future?
What does that mean? Well, here's an example. You can't dress your children in this:
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| Image Credit |
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| Image Credit |
You can't allow them to swear like sailors when they're home because it's precocious, and then suddenly expect them to watch their language when they're in school.
My mom and I were talking about this today. She said that when I was around two I said something cheeky (she doesn't remember the exact wording) in front of her mom. My mom laughed. Grandma grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into the next room and said, "I know it's cute now, but you can't laugh at things like this, because it's not going to be cute when she's 15. I don't care if you have to go into another room, but you can't laugh in front of her." I have quite a mouth, so I shudder to think how I would have ended up if Grandma Betty hadn't intervened!
If you think about it, it's really confusing for the kid if you think something is cute when they're two, and suddenly it's something they're in trouble for when they're 5. I see it a lot with hitting. It's easy to laugh off their tiny fury when they're two and it doesn't really hurt. Trust me, that exact same behavior is going to be a whole different story when they're 12, and again when they're 22.
We've enacted a zero-tolerance policy in this house on hitting. If they hit each other, the girls are grounded for 24 hours. They've each experienced a 4 hour grounding (during the afternoon when their friends were out and their sister was out and they were stuck inside sobbing) so they know it sucks. I'm hoping that I won't have to do it again, because it really sucks the most for me.
Also, in giving consequences, making them mind, and following through with my threats, I'm also beginning as I mean to go on - because when they're teenagers they'll already be in the habit of listening, they'll know that their dad and I mean business, and they'll know that they can't get away with anything on our watch. I mean, seriously, if your 2 year old is already walking all over you, what do you think your life is going to look like when she's 12?
Begin as you mean to go on. Hitting is never ok, even if you're too little for it to hurt anyone. Mouthing off is never ok, even if it's precocious. Dressing like you don't have any modesty or self-respect is never ok, even if you have the body to pull it off. Deliberately breaking things is never ok, even if they're your toys that I don't really care about (I'll care when it's my car!). Hurting other people is never ok.
So much of our behavior is the result of habits - what we eat, how we dress, the order that we complete mundane tasks in - and it's easier for everyone if we get our kids into good habits from the very beginning.
Do you ever look at your kids' behavior through the lens of the future?
Monday, May 28, 2012
Testing
Mary Grace: Daddy, where are you going?
BJ: I'm going to Wisconsin with Uncle Tim and his student.
Mary Grace: For what?
BJ: We're going to test some foams that will help keep people safe. They're kind of like soap.
(long pause)
Mary Grace: Are you going to test them on Uncle Tim's student?
(I love that at 6-1/2 she already understands the idea that college students are guinea pigs.)
BJ: I'm going to Wisconsin with Uncle Tim and his student.
Mary Grace: For what?
BJ: We're going to test some foams that will help keep people safe. They're kind of like soap.
(long pause)
Mary Grace: Are you going to test them on Uncle Tim's student?
(I love that at 6-1/2 she already understands the idea that college students are guinea pigs.)
Another Open Letter to Our Parents
Dear Moms and Dads,
Remember all the times we slammed the door when our younger siblings were sleeping, left the door wide open and let bugs inside, left the door wide open when the air conditioning was on, left the hose on when no one was playing with it, and let the dog out the front door because we weren't paying attention when we opened it, and then had to chase her down?
Your grandchildren have exacted your revenge. Well played.
Love,
Amy & BJ
Remember all the times we slammed the door when our younger siblings were sleeping, left the door wide open and let bugs inside, left the door wide open when the air conditioning was on, left the hose on when no one was playing with it, and let the dog out the front door because we weren't paying attention when we opened it, and then had to chase her down?
Your grandchildren have exacted your revenge. Well played.
Love,
Amy & BJ
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Happily Ever After
Eleven years ago today we said "I do." What you read here every day is our Happily Ever After.
I love you, B.J.! Happy Anniversary!
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| May 26, 2011 |
Friday, May 25, 2012
Protecting Kids
A hostage situation happened in Grammaland today (and yes, that means that if you've ever even heard of Google you can probably figure out where Grammaland is. Whatever). It was just a little ways from everything, at a busy intersection that I've been through a million times. When news started coming through on Facebook it was very surreal to look it up and see everything so familiar and so awful at the same time.
My bonus mom (who lives nearby, and probably had to pass by to get home) said on Facebook that people were there watching from behind the police tape with their children.
I'm as free range as they come, I am. And when I was a kid we used to go to fires with my uncles (who were both firemen, and who would say, "Stay in the truck. I don't care if you have to wet your pants, you do NOT leave the truck," just like their dad said to them). I understand spectating, I really do, but for GOD'S sake! People deliberately took their children to a situation where the police and the FBI were actively trying to save 10 people who were being held by a crazed person with a gun.
Here's a clue: It's your job to protect your children, not to put them right smack in the middle of harm's way. Let the news reporters get the eyewitness coverage for you, and you and your kids go the hell home.
Honestly, I don't know why some people are allowed to have kids at all. If I were in charge of anything other than bitching on the internet I would have gotten every single one of their names and I would report them to CPS.
These are probably the same people who won't let their kids play outside because they might get kidnapped, but they'll take them and park them in the Kmart parking lot with lawn chairs like it's a godforsaken football tailgate and let them see if anybody gets shot!
The mind boggles. Absolutely freaking boggles.
(The gunman released all the hostages and then shot himself twice in the head, which takes an unusual level of dedication, and later died of his injuries. One woman was minorly injured from a blow - not a shot - to the head. No one else was killed. Thank goodness.)
My bonus mom (who lives nearby, and probably had to pass by to get home) said on Facebook that people were there watching from behind the police tape with their children.
I'm as free range as they come, I am. And when I was a kid we used to go to fires with my uncles (who were both firemen, and who would say, "Stay in the truck. I don't care if you have to wet your pants, you do NOT leave the truck," just like their dad said to them). I understand spectating, I really do, but for GOD'S sake! People deliberately took their children to a situation where the police and the FBI were actively trying to save 10 people who were being held by a crazed person with a gun.
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| "Gee, we could go to Chuck E. Cheese, but instead let's go get in the way of the police!" Photo credit: NBC News |
Honestly, I don't know why some people are allowed to have kids at all. If I were in charge of anything other than bitching on the internet I would have gotten every single one of their names and I would report them to CPS.
These are probably the same people who won't let their kids play outside because they might get kidnapped, but they'll take them and park them in the Kmart parking lot with lawn chairs like it's a godforsaken football tailgate and let them see if anybody gets shot!
The mind boggles. Absolutely freaking boggles.
(The gunman released all the hostages and then shot himself twice in the head, which takes an unusual level of dedication, and later died of his injuries. One woman was minorly injured from a blow - not a shot - to the head. No one else was killed. Thank goodness.)
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Summer Vacation
Dear Darling Children,
It is going to be a seriously long summer if you don't knock it the *&#$ off.
With love,
Your mother
It is going to be a seriously long summer if you don't knock it the *&#$ off.
With love,
Your mother
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
An Open Letter to My Parents
Dear Mom and Dad,
Today Claire was grounded. The infraction wasn't terribly important. What I learned, though, is that you weren't kidding when you said, "This hurts me more than it hurts you." It really is more of a punishment for me to have her here whining at me, looking out the window at her sister and her friends like a sad puppy in a shop window, and crying about how mean I am. I would rather just spank her and get it over with (which also hurts me more, but only lasts a couple minutes). Too bad we parents aren't allowed to say, "Go cut a switch!" anymore, because it sure beats a whole day of complaining. Also, now I know why I wasn't grounded very often as a child. I only lasted a couple of hours before I told her, "I think you've learned your lesson," and let her go play.
All those times you said, "Someday you'll have a daughter just like you..."? You win. Sorry.
Love,
Amy
Today Claire was grounded. The infraction wasn't terribly important. What I learned, though, is that you weren't kidding when you said, "This hurts me more than it hurts you." It really is more of a punishment for me to have her here whining at me, looking out the window at her sister and her friends like a sad puppy in a shop window, and crying about how mean I am. I would rather just spank her and get it over with (which also hurts me more, but only lasts a couple minutes). Too bad we parents aren't allowed to say, "Go cut a switch!" anymore, because it sure beats a whole day of complaining. Also, now I know why I wasn't grounded very often as a child. I only lasted a couple of hours before I told her, "I think you've learned your lesson," and let her go play.
All those times you said, "Someday you'll have a daughter just like you..."? You win. Sorry.
Love,
Amy
Monday, May 21, 2012
Cheap or Frugal?
The other day I got a call back from the Wonderful program asking me if I wanted to sign the girls up for the summer. I couldn't remember why I had gone with the Playground program through the parks department, until I asked the Wonderful program about the cost for two kids, and it was like hundreds of dollars a week.
"Yeeeaaahhh... The Playground program was like $150 for the whole month," that would have bought me less than a week at the Wonderful program, and the main difference is that the Wonderful program includes swimming, which I am not a big fan of anyway. "When I'm choosing childcare for my children, I always go with the lowest bidder." (I actually said this to the woman on the phone, because I find that it's best to be direct about these things.) "If I could find some random stranger off the street to watch them for like a dollar a day, I'd be like, 'Sold - my van or yours?'!"
She laughed uncomfortably and hung up.
Then just now the vet tech and I were talking about Interceptor - I guess they've discontinued it or the factory burned down or something so it's not available, and she wanted to go over the options with me. Option A was around $40 for six months, and Option B was around $140. "But Option B prevents Whipworms," she said.
"Are those common around here?"
"Yeah, they're in the soil," she said.
We talked about how they get Whipworms a bit more and I decided that since Penny stays home (we don't board her or go to dog parks or anything) we're just going to keep our $100 and take our chances with the Whipworms.
While we were on the phone I was on Wikipedia looking them up, and I mused, "Well if she does get them we can use them to treat people with Crohn's disease and Inflammatory Bowel Disease. We could probably charge people, so it might not just be a money saving opportunity - we could make money!" and then we started talking about the Hygiene Hypothesis and really I think the moral of the story is that I shouldn't be allowed to make decisions about anything, take care of anyone or anything helpless, or talk on the phone. Ever.
What do you think, am I cheap or frugal? Or just crazy??
"Yeeeaaahhh... The Playground program was like $150 for the whole month," that would have bought me less than a week at the Wonderful program, and the main difference is that the Wonderful program includes swimming, which I am not a big fan of anyway. "When I'm choosing childcare for my children, I always go with the lowest bidder." (I actually said this to the woman on the phone, because I find that it's best to be direct about these things.) "If I could find some random stranger off the street to watch them for like a dollar a day, I'd be like, 'Sold - my van or yours?'!"
She laughed uncomfortably and hung up.
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| Whipworm - Indiana Jones' favorite parasite Source: Wikipedia |
"Are those common around here?"
"Yeah, they're in the soil," she said.
We talked about how they get Whipworms a bit more and I decided that since Penny stays home (we don't board her or go to dog parks or anything) we're just going to keep our $100 and take our chances with the Whipworms.
While we were on the phone I was on Wikipedia looking them up, and I mused, "Well if she does get them we can use them to treat people with Crohn's disease and Inflammatory Bowel Disease. We could probably charge people, so it might not just be a money saving opportunity - we could make money!" and then we started talking about the Hygiene Hypothesis and really I think the moral of the story is that I shouldn't be allowed to make decisions about anything, take care of anyone or anything helpless, or talk on the phone. Ever.
What do you think, am I cheap or frugal? Or just crazy??
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Great Weekend!
Yesterday we headed up to Grammaland to help Uncle Chuck and Aunt Sara kick off the community garden at the Sunset Hill Farms Park Opening Day Kickoff Extravaganza. The kids planted tomatoes, broccoli, and carrots (watering them was the best part - any parentally sanctioned playing with water is a win in their books). They got an Italian Ice and got their faces painted. They played ukuleles from Front Porch Music, watched people fly kites, and held a baby goat. The best part was that Grandpa Bob and Grandma Susan came along, so rather than 3 against 1, it was 3 on 3 man-to-man defense, which is always easier. Aunt Mimi and Baby Kate even showed up for Baby Kate's first festival. She did great! And Kate did well too!
Afterwards we went to Mimi's house and played with the neighbors on their very cool swingset for a little bit. (Megan lives on the street where we grew up, next door to the house we grew up in. Heather, who lives on the other side, grew up in her house, too. So it was the second generation of our families playing together, which is fun. Although our swingsets weren't nearly as nice in the 80s). Then Mimi kicked us out so she could take a nap, and we went to Jen's for a pizza and a visit. Yay spontaneity! I don't think we've hung out with Jen and Jade since before Christmas, so it was so cool to catch up. Jade has gotten a lot taller.
BJ's taking the girls down to the Quals at the Indy 500 today to see if they like it before he takes him to the real thing. Our girls have never been fans of loud noises, so I am pretty dubious about the whole experiment, but hopefully he has very excellent earplugs for them. Also, the "it's cool to hang out with Daddy" factor may outweigh the loudness factor. It could go either way. The friend that BJ goes to the race with every year, Ryan, is bringing his oldest daughter too. Should be a fun day!
BJ has only missed a couple of Indy 500s since he was born. A long time ago, BC (before children) I went with him to see if I liked it. It was hot and crowded and hot and loud and hot and uncomfortable and hot and expensive and hot. That was the last time I went. So Jack and I will be hanging out over at Karen's today. It's going to be hot here, too, so the kids will be playing in the water. I'm sunburned from yesterday (I missed the back of my neck with the sunscreen - oops) so I will be avoiding nature and drinking wine. Or possibly beer. It could go either way.
Next week is MG's last week of school. How did that happen already?
Afterwards we went to Mimi's house and played with the neighbors on their very cool swingset for a little bit. (Megan lives on the street where we grew up, next door to the house we grew up in. Heather, who lives on the other side, grew up in her house, too. So it was the second generation of our families playing together, which is fun. Although our swingsets weren't nearly as nice in the 80s). Then Mimi kicked us out so she could take a nap, and we went to Jen's for a pizza and a visit. Yay spontaneity! I don't think we've hung out with Jen and Jade since before Christmas, so it was so cool to catch up. Jade has gotten a lot taller.
BJ's taking the girls down to the Quals at the Indy 500 today to see if they like it before he takes him to the real thing. Our girls have never been fans of loud noises, so I am pretty dubious about the whole experiment, but hopefully he has very excellent earplugs for them. Also, the "it's cool to hang out with Daddy" factor may outweigh the loudness factor. It could go either way. The friend that BJ goes to the race with every year, Ryan, is bringing his oldest daughter too. Should be a fun day!
BJ has only missed a couple of Indy 500s since he was born. A long time ago, BC (before children) I went with him to see if I liked it. It was hot and crowded and hot and loud and hot and uncomfortable and hot and expensive and hot. That was the last time I went. So Jack and I will be hanging out over at Karen's today. It's going to be hot here, too, so the kids will be playing in the water. I'm sunburned from yesterday (I missed the back of my neck with the sunscreen - oops) so I will be avoiding nature and drinking wine. Or possibly beer. It could go either way.
Next week is MG's last week of school. How did that happen already?
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Friday, May 18, 2012
5
Nobody reads blogs on Saturday, so I thought I'd tell you now that tomorrow is my fifth anniversary of blogging. That's like 100 years in Internet Time.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Bellies
"Mama, you look like you might have another baby in your belly!" Claire said, smiling from ear to ear.
"Claire!" BJ said, "That wasn't very nice!"
Claire burst into tears. I took a deep breath.
"Hey, c'mere," I said wrapping my arms around her, "We think pregnant bellies are beautiful, don't we honey?"
She nodded.
"And you didn't mean to hurt mommy's feelings, right?"
More nods.
"But Daddy and I want you to understand that other people might not know that you mean that as a compliment to make someone feel good. So in the future if you think someone looks like she might have a baby in her belly, it's important that you just tell her that she's beautiful, ok? Some people don't think that heavy bodies are beautiful, and they might be hurt if you told them you think they might be pregnant, because pregnant bellies are heavy. Do you understand?"
She nodded again.
"But you and I, we know that Mommy's body is beautiful, right? You think so, and Daddy thinks so, and Mommy thinks so, and that's all that matters!"
I am working very hard at not transmitting my body-image issues to my kids. I want to teach them to respect bodies of all shapes and sizes. I'm trying to teach them that they should eat healthy foods and exercise and limit treats not to stay "skinny" but so that they can be strong and healthy for a long time.
It is so important to see the innocence in the things our kids say to us. I might have so easily been insulted and angry, or hurt and tearful, and I would have turned my daughter's compliment into something ugly. If I hadn't stopped to take a breath before I responded, what message would I have sent her about her own body?
"Claire!" BJ said, "That wasn't very nice!"
Claire burst into tears. I took a deep breath.
"Hey, c'mere," I said wrapping my arms around her, "We think pregnant bellies are beautiful, don't we honey?"
She nodded.
"And you didn't mean to hurt mommy's feelings, right?"
More nods.
"But Daddy and I want you to understand that other people might not know that you mean that as a compliment to make someone feel good. So in the future if you think someone looks like she might have a baby in her belly, it's important that you just tell her that she's beautiful, ok? Some people don't think that heavy bodies are beautiful, and they might be hurt if you told them you think they might be pregnant, because pregnant bellies are heavy. Do you understand?"
She nodded again.
"But you and I, we know that Mommy's body is beautiful, right? You think so, and Daddy thinks so, and Mommy thinks so, and that's all that matters!"
I am working very hard at not transmitting my body-image issues to my kids. I want to teach them to respect bodies of all shapes and sizes. I'm trying to teach them that they should eat healthy foods and exercise and limit treats not to stay "skinny" but so that they can be strong and healthy for a long time.
It is so important to see the innocence in the things our kids say to us. I might have so easily been insulted and angry, or hurt and tearful, and I would have turned my daughter's compliment into something ugly. If I hadn't stopped to take a breath before I responded, what message would I have sent her about her own body?
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Claire's Graduation, Narrative
Of course I sat there and cried. It seems like just yesterday that we dropped MG off for her first day of preschool and Claire looked at me all serious (at 2-1/2 years old) and said, "I wanna go to school!"
"But Claire," I said,"you and I get to have special Mommy and Claire time together at home while your sister is at school. Won't that be fun?"
She looked at me like she couldn't decide if I was deaf or just dense, "I WANNA go to SCHOOL."
Luckily the school has a drop off program for littler kids, so she spent a year there, a year in preschool, and a year in pre-k. She looked so grown up standing there. Can't believe that three years can go by so fast.
"But Claire," I said,"you and I get to have special Mommy and Claire time together at home while your sister is at school. Won't that be fun?"
She looked at me like she couldn't decide if I was deaf or just dense, "I WANNA go to SCHOOL."
Luckily the school has a drop off program for littler kids, so she spent a year there, a year in preschool, and a year in pre-k. She looked so grown up standing there. Can't believe that three years can go by so fast.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Tuesday
1) It is entirely possible that I am the worst belly dancer in the history of belly dancing.
2) I was tired, and I didn't want to go, but I went anyway and I'm glad.
3) Before the week is over I am probably going to forget to go somewhere important (there's a lot of year-end stuff going on at both schools over the next two weeks).
4) I'm still tired, which is why we're doing a numbered list. If I had any energy at all I would do bullet points, but I don't have any energy. Bullets imply speed and decisiveness that I just can't muster right now.
5) Almost immediately after I posted that Jack was weaned, he nursed again. Murphy's Law of Mommyblogging - if you post about it your kids will prove you wrong ASAP.
6) Dinner was almost a total fail (this crock pot Pampered Chef recipe with potatoes - hey guess what, you can't freeze potatoes and then cook them in a crock pot, they turn to yuck), but I shredded the chicken and we made it into burritos and it was fine.
7) I'm not going to make it to 10.
8) Jack got his first hair cut today from Monica. She did a great job. He feels different - sort of bristly - but it looks cute. She also cut Claire's bangs.
9) I posted this on Facebook last night, and it got a lot of likes (almost 50!) and one share, so I'm posting it here:
I should have added adopted in there with natural birth, etc. and I could add a lot, especially about feeding choices - organic vs Lunchables, maybe. What's funny about the list is that you can assume that I'm still Judgy McJudgerton about all the things I didn't mention, but since I'm too tired to argue I'm not going to point out what those things are tonight.
2) I was tired, and I didn't want to go, but I went anyway and I'm glad.
3) Before the week is over I am probably going to forget to go somewhere important (there's a lot of year-end stuff going on at both schools over the next two weeks).
4) I'm still tired, which is why we're doing a numbered list. If I had any energy at all I would do bullet points, but I don't have any energy. Bullets imply speed and decisiveness that I just can't muster right now.
5) Almost immediately after I posted that Jack was weaned, he nursed again. Murphy's Law of Mommyblogging - if you post about it your kids will prove you wrong ASAP.
6) Dinner was almost a total fail (this crock pot Pampered Chef recipe with potatoes - hey guess what, you can't freeze potatoes and then cook them in a crock pot, they turn to yuck), but I shredded the chicken and we made it into burritos and it was fine.
7) I'm not going to make it to 10.
8) Jack got his first hair cut today from Monica. She did a great job. He feels different - sort of bristly - but it looks cute. She also cut Claire's bangs.
9) I posted this on Facebook last night, and it got a lot of likes (almost 50!) and one share, so I'm posting it here:
Whether you breastfeed them for 4 years, not at all or somewhere in between; whether you wear them in a carrier, push them in a stroller, or carry them in a bucket; whether you co-sleep or they sleep in their own room; whether you have a natural birth or an epidural or a c-section; whether you give them solids at 4 months, 6 months, or a year... just love your kids. Treat them with kindness and compassion. Do your best. You're going to screw up. You're going to lose your temper. You're going to wish you could do some things over. But as long as you love them with all your heart and they know it with all of their hearts, they'll turn out ok. Love is the only thing that matters. The rest is just details.
I should have added adopted in there with natural birth, etc. and I could add a lot, especially about feeding choices - organic vs Lunchables, maybe. What's funny about the list is that you can assume that I'm still Judgy McJudgerton about all the things I didn't mention, but since I'm too tired to argue I'm not going to point out what those things are tonight.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Weaned
I guess I'm not "Mom Enough" for Time Magazine (gag) because Jack weaned this weekend - my earliest at 17 months old. He has been bitey and disinterested and it was time, for us. It's ok. Part of me is relieved and part of me is sad, and that's normal.
Nursing my children has been such an amazing process. Like all things new and different in my life, it didn't go smoothly at first, but I persevered and nursed Mary Grace for 28 months (9 while pregnant with Claire and 9 tandem), Claire for 22 months, and Jack for 17. That's 67 months, right? There oughtta be a merit badge or something.
Nap time and nighttime are hard. We need to figure out this new normal. He finally fell asleep after an hour of crying, and I could put him down, but I think I need to hold him just a little longer.
"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be."
Nursing my children has been such an amazing process. Like all things new and different in my life, it didn't go smoothly at first, but I persevered and nursed Mary Grace for 28 months (9 while pregnant with Claire and 9 tandem), Claire for 22 months, and Jack for 17. That's 67 months, right? There oughtta be a merit badge or something.
Nap time and nighttime are hard. We need to figure out this new normal. He finally fell asleep after an hour of crying, and I could put him down, but I think I need to hold him just a little longer.
"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be."
Transition
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| I'll take "Mathematical Symbols I Hate" for $1000, Alex. |
I approached changing school buildings (in 6th grade and 9th grade) like I was going off to war.
I remember hearing about some sort of violent crime at my university before leaving high school, and telling my mom that she was sending me off to get killed.
Our first year of marriage was ... challenging.
A friend once conducted a Powerpoint presentation for me on how I wasn't likely to get killed if we moved to L.A. He looked up crime statistics and compared them to here, and had charts and graphs and lots of compelling data. I didn't care. (As you might already know, we didn't move to L.A., mainly because I was terrified.) It's no surprise that I live in the same state I was born in, and I don't have any intention of leaving.
Looking back over my life, it's pretty clear that I've always had some kind of anxiety disorder. I have always been a worrier and a magical thinker (when BJ flies I watch his flight on one of the online trackers and I feel like I'm holding him in the air with the sheer force of my will). It only gets worse during pregnancy, and it wasn't properly diagnosed until I was pregnant with Jack in 2010, even though it started with my pregnancy with Mary Grace in 2005 and continued through my pregnancy with Claire in 2006 and 2007. That's a long time to be crazy.
Perinatal anxiety and mood disorder (a term I didn't even know until I was pregnant with Jack, but which explained everything) made my transition into motherhood ... challenging. There was a lot of crying. A lot of desperate phone calls to my mom telling her that "I just can't do this anymore!" I told our doctor that Mary Grace and BJ just wouldn't be okay unless I got as far away from them as I possibly could. (I talked him out of putting me in the hospital that day, but he did give me a prescription for Zoloft right away).
So it was hard this weekend, watching my sister and her husband transition so beautifully and, at least from where I was sitting, effortlessly into parenthood. I went up there this weekend expecting to help them, to give them the kind of help I needed when Mary Grace was born, and I mostly just sat there and enjoyed the baby. I heated up some leftovers and Megan let me get her a bottle of water once. That was about the extent of my "helping." I was probably completely in the way, but they were really sweet about my being there.
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad they're not having a hard time. I wouldn't wish what I went through on anyone, much less my beloved sister. But watching them made me feel so stupid for making it so hard on myself and BJ seven years ago. I wished I could go backwards and do it again so many times this weekend. I'd like to believe that I would do it better if I knew then what I know now.
I was talking to BJ about it last night, and he said sarcastically, "Oh yeah, we need a do-over because Mary Grace is just ruined..." She's beautiful and confident and talented and so stinking smart and clever and such a joy to be with... Of course, in my anxiety I replied, "Is she that way because of me or in spite of me, though?" (Science hasn't solved the nature vs. nurture debate, so it's unlikely that we would settle it in our kitchen at 10 pm, but BJ gave it his best shot.)
I don't regret anything, because I wouldn't change a single thing about any of our kids or our life as it is today, but I wish I hadn't made everything so hard on us. And I am glad that it's not hard for Megan and Trey, even if it does make me feel stupid. In our next life, I call dibs on being the confident capable little sister who always has her act together. And I get to be the thin one, too.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Babies
When Mary Grace was born, someone said to me, "Well the book says she should....." I don't even remember what the advice was or who said it, but I remember saying, "Apparently Mary Grace hasn't read that book!!"
Kate is the first baby I've ever met who read the book.
Kate is the first baby I've ever met who read the book.
Camp!!
Mary Grace and I are spending the day at camp today. It's a beautiful day for it! We're going to do archery (!!!), fishing, and all kinds of other cool stuff I forgot.
Friday, May 11, 2012
With a Little Help
I have had a migraine off and on for 8 days. It has peaked and become unbearable 4 times - the most recent starting last night at about 10 pm. Jack was up a LOT during the night, and I didn't get enough sleep to get rid of it, and I woke up with it again this morning which is the pits.
I was really sick to my stomach, and the light was killing me. I knew it wouldn't be safe to drive. I made my way to the kitchen and chugged a cup of coffee, but it didn't help. I laid back down in my bed with my phone.
First I called Jen. I normally take her daughters to school and she picks Claire up for me. "Jen, I'm not safe to drive. Can you pick Claire up for me?" She said "of course," of course. Mary Grace rides the bus, so she was good to go.
Then I called Monica, "I'm desperate. I can't move. Can you come over after you drop off your kids? You can drink all the coffee you want!" I said, "I'll be right there," she said. She got here before BJ even left.
It became abundantly clear that I needed to get to the doctor. I called and got an appointment, and Monica drove me (and Jack, and her two little ones) and then kept the kids so I could see the doc. He gave me a shot of something magical in my butt, and when I came out of the office I was a new woman.
Monica was waiting with an Egg McMuffin, knowing that I hadn't eaten anything all day.
It was the best damn Egg McMuffin EVER.
I do my fair share of helping, too. We all do. We help each other, and lean on each other, rather than trying to do everything and be everything all the time, and it's beautiful. And the most amazing part of it is that no one keeps score or says, "Hey, you owe me!" Somehow completely by accident BJ and I have managed to build this amazing community around us, and by being willing to help others we've received help when we've needed it (or just when it makes things a little less complicated with a young family!) We hold each other up and encourage each other and love each others' kids and it's just so awesome.
I get by with a little help (or in this case, a lot of help!) from my friends.
I was really sick to my stomach, and the light was killing me. I knew it wouldn't be safe to drive. I made my way to the kitchen and chugged a cup of coffee, but it didn't help. I laid back down in my bed with my phone.
First I called Jen. I normally take her daughters to school and she picks Claire up for me. "Jen, I'm not safe to drive. Can you pick Claire up for me?" She said "of course," of course. Mary Grace rides the bus, so she was good to go.
Then I called Monica, "I'm desperate. I can't move. Can you come over after you drop off your kids? You can drink all the coffee you want!" I said, "I'll be right there," she said. She got here before BJ even left.
It became abundantly clear that I needed to get to the doctor. I called and got an appointment, and Monica drove me (and Jack, and her two little ones) and then kept the kids so I could see the doc. He gave me a shot of something magical in my butt, and when I came out of the office I was a new woman.
Monica was waiting with an Egg McMuffin, knowing that I hadn't eaten anything all day.
It was the best damn Egg McMuffin EVER.
I do my fair share of helping, too. We all do. We help each other, and lean on each other, rather than trying to do everything and be everything all the time, and it's beautiful. And the most amazing part of it is that no one keeps score or says, "Hey, you owe me!" Somehow completely by accident BJ and I have managed to build this amazing community around us, and by being willing to help others we've received help when we've needed it (or just when it makes things a little less complicated with a young family!) We hold each other up and encourage each other and love each others' kids and it's just so awesome.
I get by with a little help (or in this case, a lot of help!) from my friends.
My niece
Holy cute....
Stole the picture from our friend Beth's Facebook page. I can't wait to hold this little diva again. OMG... Killing me to be so far away.
Stole the picture from our friend Beth's Facebook page. I can't wait to hold this little diva again. OMG... Killing me to be so far away.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
New Pretty Baby!!!!!
My sister called me yesterday while I was on the phone with BJ, so I clicked over and said, "Hey, I'll call you right back!" I almost never do that. I've been studiously avoiding asking her if she's in labor every time she calls because I remember that getting annoying towards the end of pregnancy.
You can guess where this is going...
I got a text from her saying, "We're on our way to the hospital!"
Ha ha, of course.
I sent her the following text:
.JPG)
And here she is, looking cuter than any newborn has a right to look:
Which she gets from her mommy, who looks better than any brand new mother has a right to look immediately after giving birth:
.JPG)
Everyone is doing great!!
Welcome to the world, Kate Elizabeth! You've got amazing parents, and a huge family that's loved you since the moment we found out that you were on your way to us. You're going to have an amazing life, and you're off to a great start!
You can guess where this is going...
I got a text from her saying, "We're on our way to the hospital!"
Ha ha, of course.
I sent her the following text:
I feel like I should do something to help, so I'm boiling water!
.JPG)
And here she is, looking cuter than any newborn has a right to look:
Which she gets from her mommy, who looks better than any brand new mother has a right to look immediately after giving birth:
.JPG)
Everyone is doing great!!
Welcome to the world, Kate Elizabeth! You've got amazing parents, and a huge family that's loved you since the moment we found out that you were on your way to us. You're going to have an amazing life, and you're off to a great start!
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Wrestling
Mary Grace came flying out of school today saying, "Mommy, Mommy, I want to go to wrestling camp!"
Knowing that what she means by wrestling (tickling and pillow fighting with Daddy and her sister on the living room floor, with lots of screaming and giggling, and a heavy emphasis on stealing Daddy's socks) bears little resemblance to what the NCAA calls "wrestling," I said, "Ok, we'll talk about it."
I didn't want to be a total sexist and tell her "Wrestling is for boys," because we've worked really hard to teach our girls that they can do anything that boys can do (and that boys can do anything girls can do, and that girls don't have to have something painted pink and purple to enjoy it, I'm lookin' at you, Lego. Ahem).
"Why do the girls have to have permission to play wrestling, Mommy?" she asked. Oh boy. Thanks, School, for thwarting 6-1/2 years of "we girls can do anything!" in one shot. I guess the boys got a flyer while the girls had to get permission, or something. I don't really know (and I'm not going to cause a big kerfuffle about it, because 6 year olds just don't tell you straight and complete stories. Ever. And I've been burned on that before).
"Some girls do wrestle, but not too many. Why don't you wait until we've seen a few videos to decide what you want to do? Oh and by the way, I already have you signed up for like a jillion weeks of Very Fun Summer Camp Extravaganzas, and I never went to camp at all you stinker, so back off!"
"BUT MOM!!!! I wanna wrestle! I can wrestle with boys! Daddy's a boy! And I'm good at wrestling!"
"Honey, sometimes words mean two different things, and I promise that you and the gym teacher are not using the word 'wrestle' in the same way. Just. Watch. The. Videos."
<incoherent whining about what a meanie meanerton Mommy is>
So we got home, and had lunch, and she says, "I'm ready to watch the videos now!"
I show her a video of two high school aged girls wrestling.
"Yeah, you're right. That doesn't look like fun at all."
Told ya.
(PHEW!)
Knowing that what she means by wrestling (tickling and pillow fighting with Daddy and her sister on the living room floor, with lots of screaming and giggling, and a heavy emphasis on stealing Daddy's socks) bears little resemblance to what the NCAA calls "wrestling," I said, "Ok, we'll talk about it."
I didn't want to be a total sexist and tell her "Wrestling is for boys," because we've worked really hard to teach our girls that they can do anything that boys can do (and that boys can do anything girls can do, and that girls don't have to have something painted pink and purple to enjoy it, I'm lookin' at you, Lego. Ahem).
"Why do the girls have to have permission to play wrestling, Mommy?" she asked. Oh boy. Thanks, School, for thwarting 6-1/2 years of "we girls can do anything!" in one shot. I guess the boys got a flyer while the girls had to get permission, or something. I don't really know (and I'm not going to cause a big kerfuffle about it, because 6 year olds just don't tell you straight and complete stories. Ever. And I've been burned on that before).
"Some girls do wrestle, but not too many. Why don't you wait until we've seen a few videos to decide what you want to do? Oh and by the way, I already have you signed up for like a jillion weeks of Very Fun Summer Camp Extravaganzas, and I never went to camp at all you stinker, so back off!"
"BUT MOM!!!! I wanna wrestle! I can wrestle with boys! Daddy's a boy! And I'm good at wrestling!"
"Honey, sometimes words mean two different things, and I promise that you and the gym teacher are not using the word 'wrestle' in the same way. Just. Watch. The. Videos."
<incoherent whining about what a meanie meanerton Mommy is>
So we got home, and had lunch, and she says, "I'm ready to watch the videos now!"
I show her a video of two high school aged girls wrestling.
"Yeah, you're right. That doesn't look like fun at all."
Told ya.
(PHEW!)
Sunday, May 6, 2012
All they need is a couple beers
We've missed our friends! Between our trip and theirs we haven't seen each other in a couple weeks. It's great to be together again, just relaxing in the backyard.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Oh my achin' head
I've spent more hours than I care to think about laid low by migraines this week. Thursday night I came home at 6 pm with the kids and went to bed for four hours, and this morning I woke up with one. It's just not fair to wake up with a migraine! Both times I took Imitrex (thank goodness for Imitrex), but in order for it to work you have to go to bed. Ugh.
After I have a migraine, I always get a "hangover." I feel very weird and disconnected the next day, or for the rest of the day if I wake up with it and manage to get rid of it. It kind of feels like my head isn't quite attached - I can't think clearly. For example, after I recovered today Jack and I went to the grocery store to get a few things, and I must have made four trips back and forth across the store for things I forgot. It's maddening.
I guess that migraines are caused by seizure-like activity in the brain, so I suppose it makes sense that they'd disrupt my thinking. I generally feel weird 12 hours or so before I get one, too - not as quick or as talkative as usual, and sometimes I feel angry or short-tempered for no real reason. So between that, the hours of migraine, and the "hangover" afterward, it really takes me out for two full days.
I'm just glad BJ has been home for both of them. He has a short business trip next week. Let's hope they're over by then.
I think when I get Jack weaned it's time to go on some sort of preventative medication. I've always just treated them when I get them, but there are things I could take to prevent getting them in the first place. It may be time. Jack is very close to weaning himself. We only nurse once or twice a day now. He's far too busy to slow down and nurse during the day, so we only nurse in the morning and at bedtime. I guess it's probably time.
After I have a migraine, I always get a "hangover." I feel very weird and disconnected the next day, or for the rest of the day if I wake up with it and manage to get rid of it. It kind of feels like my head isn't quite attached - I can't think clearly. For example, after I recovered today Jack and I went to the grocery store to get a few things, and I must have made four trips back and forth across the store for things I forgot. It's maddening.
I guess that migraines are caused by seizure-like activity in the brain, so I suppose it makes sense that they'd disrupt my thinking. I generally feel weird 12 hours or so before I get one, too - not as quick or as talkative as usual, and sometimes I feel angry or short-tempered for no real reason. So between that, the hours of migraine, and the "hangover" afterward, it really takes me out for two full days.
I'm just glad BJ has been home for both of them. He has a short business trip next week. Let's hope they're over by then.
I think when I get Jack weaned it's time to go on some sort of preventative medication. I've always just treated them when I get them, but there are things I could take to prevent getting them in the first place. It may be time. Jack is very close to weaning himself. We only nurse once or twice a day now. He's far too busy to slow down and nurse during the day, so we only nurse in the morning and at bedtime. I guess it's probably time.
Friday, May 4, 2012
Printer Contest
BJ won't buy me a new printer, so I am forced to enter contests to try to win one. I think this one would look nice on my desk.
(Seriously, I was just looking at printers yesterday at work. How weird is that?)
Also, yesterday I had a migraine, so I didn't post any of the things, but nothing terribly exciting happened. We ran errands. I'm better today.
(Seriously, I was just looking at printers yesterday at work. How weird is that?)
Also, yesterday I had a migraine, so I didn't post any of the things, but nothing terribly exciting happened. We ran errands. I'm better today.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
So much to do
Jeez, is there anything more hectic than the first day back after a vacation? I worked, went to the grocery store twice and the pharmacy, paid bills, ran by my friend's to check her mail, went to Monica's for a bit, then we had a school program for Claire, thank goodness I remembered THAT early and put dinner in the crock pot at lunch time!!
Things I did not accomplish include:
* folding laundry
* putting the winter clothes back upstairs
* cleaning up dinner (we rinsed the dishes but left them by the sink because we had to leave at 6:10 to get to the program)
I got a new antibiotic because the first one didn't do much. The taste went away but the sinuses are still cranky. I've probably created some new strain of antibiotic resistant sinus bacteria. Awesome.
Also, how do people live in Florida with all the bitey bugs? My legs and feet are on fire they itch so much! YUCK!
Claire was cute and did a good job in her program. Grandpa Bob and Grandmother Diana joined us, which made it extra special. Claire just loves music. Her teacher told me that they have to remind her not to sing into her imaginary microphone. She's her mother's daughter! (Have I ever told you about John the Close-Up Man?)
I'm going to take some Benadryl and go to bed if my pictures ever finish uploading to the computer...
Things I did not accomplish include:
* folding laundry
* putting the winter clothes back upstairs
* cleaning up dinner (we rinsed the dishes but left them by the sink because we had to leave at 6:10 to get to the program)
I got a new antibiotic because the first one didn't do much. The taste went away but the sinuses are still cranky. I've probably created some new strain of antibiotic resistant sinus bacteria. Awesome.
Also, how do people live in Florida with all the bitey bugs? My legs and feet are on fire they itch so much! YUCK!
Claire was cute and did a good job in her program. Grandpa Bob and Grandmother Diana joined us, which made it extra special. Claire just loves music. Her teacher told me that they have to remind her not to sing into her imaginary microphone. She's her mother's daughter! (Have I ever told you about John the Close-Up Man?)
I'm going to take some Benadryl and go to bed if my pictures ever finish uploading to the computer...
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Flying Home
Our flight is half empty (the optimistic phrasing when one is flying Southwest) so we'll have lots of elbow room. Hooray!!
Somehow we ended up at the airport with our flights at the same times, relatively, as Brett and the kids' to Arizona and Diana and Ken's to Chicago, so we're here with them and the kids are all well entertained. Couldn't have planned it better. Nice way to end the trip.
Somehow we ended up at the airport with our flights at the same times, relatively, as Brett and the kids' to Arizona and Diana and Ken's to Chicago, so we're here with them and the kids are all well entertained. Couldn't have planned it better. Nice way to end the trip.
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