MG's ear re-check went very well. Her ears are clear, in spite of the fact that she has had a low fever the last couple nights, and a runny nose. He said, "She's probably just got one last virus before the end of the season."
Mary Grace, aged 32 months, shook her head and said, with a sigh, "That's the story at our house."
I had a migraine this evening (ironic, because I was just telling Purity yesterday how much I love the Mirena, and how I don't get migraines anymore), and BJ had to work late. Thank heaven for Grandpa Bob, who took the girls so I could go to bed. He brought the girls up at 9 pm (and I was feeling much better by then) for bed.
I got Claire to sleep, and I was working at getting MG to sleep when I heard the noise that all mommies know and dread.
Claire puked.
(I'm resisting the urge to hit the caps lock) Wasn't I just saying that we should do well visits at home?! ARGH!
***banging head against table***
Let's recap:
Amy says: "I don't get migraines anymore!" and gets a migraine within 24 hours.
Amy says: "I hate it when my kids get sick from going to the doctor's office!" and my kid gets sick from going to the doctor's office.
Universe: 2, Amy: 0
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
I have an idea
So I was watching Dr. Phil yesterday, and he was talking about MRSA - the super scary "superbug" that is probably going to kill "more people than AIDS," according to the show. What scares me the most is that a minor skin injury, just a regular cut, can let MRSA (which is an antibiotic resistant strain of staph) into your body. Once it's there, it's really hard to kill (antibiotic resistant). This 19 year old girl (who appeared healthy and strong) had been living with it for a year. A young boy who was immune compromised died of it extremely quickly when he caught it at the age of 13.
I got to thinking about how devastating it would be to take my healthy kid to the doctor for something totally routine, like the removal of a mole or something, and have them come out with MRSA. It kind of reminded me of when we took MG for her 18 month well-baby visit, and we came home with rotavirus. I thought, "Boy, wouldn't it cut down on these sorts of infections if we could return to the days of house calls?"
But I thought, "No, doctors need all their stuff. They wouldn't want to visit sick people, and then find out that they need some important equipment that they don't have in their car..."
But what about those well baby visits?
Shots are portable. Scales and tape measures are portable. There is nothing that they do in a well baby visit that they couldn't do in the baby's home. This would surely prevent well babies (like MG) from getting (and then spreading) common illnesses like rotavirus (and the flu, and every cold that goes around all winter, and so on...). It would protect the members of our population with the least mature immune systems from contracting illnesses. That would, one would think, prevent the spread of those illnesses in the general population (how many times have you caught a cold from a kid?). Then we'd need fewer antibiotics to begin with, because disease would spread less. That would not only protect kids from getting things like MRSA in the doctor's office, it would also prevent the creation of these "super bugs" (or at least postpone it) in the first place.
And, as a side-effect, how many cases of abuse and neglect would be caught if the doctors were visiting people in their homes, instead of the people coming to doctors' offices? I also think that parents would be more likely to really talk to their doctors about issues if they hadn't just spent 30 minutes sitting in the waiting room next to the person who was waiting for them to finish their kid's appointment so they could get their sick kid home.
I recently read an article (can't remember where, can't find it) about maternal mortality in the U.S., and how many cases go unreported (because death certificates in many states don't ask if the woman was pregnant immediately prior to or at the time of death). More to the point, it said that many of these deaths could have been prevented if someone had visited the woman's home in the weeks immediately following birth. One particularly sad case was of a single mother, whose family lived in another state, who died of a postpartum hemorrhage. The baby starved to death. They were found much too late when her family hadn't heard from her.
Home visits after birth are standard in many European countries (where the maternal mortality rate is much lower). The article suggested that if we adopt this model in the U.S., we could prevent a lot of death and suffering.
I think we need to return to a home-based model of medical care in this country. Yes, I know that time is money to doctors. Yes, I know they need their equipment. Yes, I know that it would cost more. But I think it's worth considering. I just wish I could figure out who to write to or talk to about my suggestions (besides you all, of course).
I got to thinking about how devastating it would be to take my healthy kid to the doctor for something totally routine, like the removal of a mole or something, and have them come out with MRSA. It kind of reminded me of when we took MG for her 18 month well-baby visit, and we came home with rotavirus. I thought, "Boy, wouldn't it cut down on these sorts of infections if we could return to the days of house calls?"
But I thought, "No, doctors need all their stuff. They wouldn't want to visit sick people, and then find out that they need some important equipment that they don't have in their car..."
But what about those well baby visits?
Shots are portable. Scales and tape measures are portable. There is nothing that they do in a well baby visit that they couldn't do in the baby's home. This would surely prevent well babies (like MG) from getting (and then spreading) common illnesses like rotavirus (and the flu, and every cold that goes around all winter, and so on...). It would protect the members of our population with the least mature immune systems from contracting illnesses. That would, one would think, prevent the spread of those illnesses in the general population (how many times have you caught a cold from a kid?). Then we'd need fewer antibiotics to begin with, because disease would spread less. That would not only protect kids from getting things like MRSA in the doctor's office, it would also prevent the creation of these "super bugs" (or at least postpone it) in the first place.
And, as a side-effect, how many cases of abuse and neglect would be caught if the doctors were visiting people in their homes, instead of the people coming to doctors' offices? I also think that parents would be more likely to really talk to their doctors about issues if they hadn't just spent 30 minutes sitting in the waiting room next to the person who was waiting for them to finish their kid's appointment so they could get their sick kid home.
I recently read an article (can't remember where, can't find it) about maternal mortality in the U.S., and how many cases go unreported (because death certificates in many states don't ask if the woman was pregnant immediately prior to or at the time of death). More to the point, it said that many of these deaths could have been prevented if someone had visited the woman's home in the weeks immediately following birth. One particularly sad case was of a single mother, whose family lived in another state, who died of a postpartum hemorrhage. The baby starved to death. They were found much too late when her family hadn't heard from her.
Home visits after birth are standard in many European countries (where the maternal mortality rate is much lower). The article suggested that if we adopt this model in the U.S., we could prevent a lot of death and suffering.
I think we need to return to a home-based model of medical care in this country. Yes, I know that time is money to doctors. Yes, I know they need their equipment. Yes, I know that it would cost more. But I think it's worth considering. I just wish I could figure out who to write to or talk to about my suggestions (besides you all, of course).
WFWM: Greatest Hit
Hi all. This is going to look familiar to many of you, but Shannon over at Rocks in my Dryer asked us to re-run our best WFMW tip today, and this is mine.
Of all the posts I've done, this one has gotten the most hits. When I look at my stats, I always see at least a couple google searches for "two year old won't stay in time out" and "when to start time outs" and so on. So, here it is again. How to correctly use Time Out:
Of all the posts I've done, this one has gotten the most hits. When I look at my stats, I always see at least a couple google searches for "two year old won't stay in time out" and "when to start time outs" and so on. So, here it is again. How to correctly use Time Out:
There is a lot of confusion in the world about Time Out. What it is, how to do it, and how to make it work. I am here to help demystify the time out.Works for me!
Here are my qualifications - I've got an almost-two year old, I worked for two years in a residential facility for kids with Mental Retardation and Behavioral Disorders (the toughest behavior cases out there) and lived to tell about it, and I went to school to be a Special Ed teacher (and took Applied Behavioral Analysis and other courses to learn how to deal with kids).
The most common misconception I read/see/hear is that a time out is for punishment. It is not. The time out serves two purposes. 1) It removes the misbehaving child from whatever stimulus or situation is causing the misbehavior (so, if little Sally is hitting little Johnny, it removes Sally from Johnny's presence, which interrupts the hitting behavior). 2) It reestablishes parental authority (in other words, it reminds the child who is in charge).
I think a lot of people think that the time out is a punishment because it has been touted as an alternative to spanking (which is a punishment). However, if you use Time Out incorrectly, as a punishment, you're defeating the actual purpose of the time out and making your job, as parent, much harder.
The recommended guideline for the duration of a time out is one minute for every year of age. So, a two year old gets a two minute time out. (I recently saw a time out bear, which I refuse to link to because it's a bad idea, but it had a timer that went up to 60 minutes, and I kept wondering if there were parents out there giving their kids' grandparents time outs, too... Then I thought it might not be a bad idea. You hear that Dad? I'm coming for you with the time out bear if you don't behave yourself... Nevermind that you're 56 years old. The timer will work for you for 4 more years!!)
Anyway, we started with time outs for MG when she was one. This also happened to be when she started needing them. We reserve time outs for egregious behavior - in the beginning it was only for things that could hurt her or someone else (i.e., tormenting the dog, jumping on the couch, biting, etc.). Now we've started to use it for property destruction infractions, too, but I'll get to that.
This is how it should work:
Child is misbehaving. Parent says, "Child, if you do not stop doing X, you're going to get a time out." Child continues to misbehave. Parent says, "I'm sorry you're choosing to do X, you need to come take a time out."
You then remove the child to the time out area. We started with the crib, but now we do them at the bottom of the stairs (on the lowest step or on the rug in front of the stairs - and you all just thought I was weird for having a bath mat at the bottom of the stairs!!). I don't believe in having a single place (like a "Naughty Chair") to take time outs. First, because if you say, "You will sit THERE" you get into a power struggle. If you say, "You can take your time out here or there," you're still allowing the child choices, and you're less likely to get into a senseless power struggle. Second, because if the child is used to a single chair, what do you do when you go out? Take it with you? Stairs and rugs are common enough, though, that you can find them virtually anywhere, and having multiple locations makes it easier for the child to generalize when you're at Grandma's, say, and you have to do time out on a chair instead of a step.
Assuming that the child goes willingly (I'll get to unwilling children in a second), you start a timer and say, "Good job. You've got two more minutes." If the child wants to scream and cry and freak out, that's ok. In addition to removing them from the situation that causes the misbehavior, allowing them to scream and holler allows them to release some of the frustration/tension that the situation has caused. This is healthy. The place where I worked required the children to be "calm and compliant" before the time out countdown started, but I think that's crazy. I don't care if MG cries the whole two minutes, as long as she is on the step or the rug.
Anyway, you sit there for the two minutes with them, giving comfort with your presence but not talking to them (except to maybe remind them to stay in the time out area, or say, "It's ok," or "You're doing fine," or "Calm down," occasionally). This is not the time to have a discussion about what happened. Just give them that two minutes to get control of themselves. Be encouraging and supportive, but not too much. A word or two here or there is all you need. A lot of parents talk too much, in general. That's another post...
When the timer beeps, get down on the child's level and give her a hug. She needs reassurance that you still love her, no matter what she did. Then you explain, in terms that she can understand, why she got the time out. "Child, you did X, so I had to give you a time out. Next time when you feel Y, instead of doing X, you could try doing Z instead." (Next time you feel frustrated, instead of hitting your sister, you could try walking away, instead.) You are Teaching here, not punishing. You want them to understand what you expect. So tell them, and use small, understandable words. "You got a time out because you ran out into the street without looking both ways. Next time you want to cross the street, you need to wait for me to hold your hand, and look both ways." You don't need to use scare tactics "A big truck could squash you!!!" You don't want to create fear. You simply want to instruct the child on what's expected. If the child is old enough, have them repeat back the situation and the behavior to you. Say, "Now, next time you get frustrated, what are you going to do?" and encourage the child to say, "Walk away." This may take time to get right, and is over the head of little kids, but you can ask the question and then answer it for him. Eventually he'll understand what you want to hear. Repeating it to you will help him internalize the correct behavior.
You always want to end a time out positively. "I love you," or "Good job," and then, the most important step, "Let's go do something else!" Redirect the child to an appropriate activity, NOT the activity that caused the problem to begin with. If the kid threw a block at his sister's head, you don't want to send him back to play with the blocks. Give him something soft! :)
Just as it takes a dozen exposures to a new food before a child will like it, it often takes a dozen time outs for the same offense before a child "gets it." This is why parents everywhere have said, "I've told you a thousand times...." (and then groaned because they sound just like their own parents!)
It will also take more than a dozen tries before your child understands what a time out is. That's ok. You're teaching. Rome wasn't built in a day.
What do you do if the child won't take his time out? You suspend all attention, fun, and most interaction until he does. If he talks to you, you say, "I will talk to you after you take your time out." If he says, "I want some water," you say, "You can have a drink of water after you take your time out." If he says, "I need a clean diaper," you say, "You can have a new diaper after you take your time out." I'm not kidding. The universe stops until the time out is over. If the child goes off and plays by himself, fine. The greatest currency you have with your kids is your attention. So you withhold it until he's taken his time out. We're only talking about two minutes, here. It isn't child abuse to sit in a wet diaper for two minutes. It isn't child abuse to withhold dinner for two minutes. If the child CHOOSES to make it two hours instead of two minutes, well, fine. That's his choice. Children aren't harmed by one missed (or delayed) meal or drink. Oh, and try to keep it positive. You CAN have X after you take your time out, instead of, you can't have X until you've taken your time out. I'm not sure why, but it makes a difference.
Try to be as neutral as possible. You're going to be frustrated. You'll want to say, "It's just two freaking minutes, will you take your time out already so we can GO???" Don't show it. If you say that, he'll know that you want to go, and that by not taking his time out, he can needle you. He can "win." Don't show your hand. Don't let him know what your currency is. Be as calm and neutral as possible (always, not just with time outs). I know this is impossible. Just last night, MG was driving me crazy, and I lost my cool. Luckily her Dad was home, so he could be the good cop while I chilled out. (It's a natural reaction when your toddler sticks her hand onto the cutting board where you're cutting carrots to freak out a little. She's really lucky I didn't cut off her fingers... Argh.)
I didn't think that Time Outs were working with MG, because she screamed like a crazy person every time I gave her one at home. Then we were at Grandpa Ben's farm, and she colored on the TV with a crayon (property destruction). I gave her a time out and braced myself for one of those scenes that you don't want your kids to have in front of your in-laws, no matter how cool and understanding they are... But damned if she didn't march right over and sit down on the step and take her time out like a little angel. I was absolutely stunned. It was one of my proudest parenting moments.
I would be happy to elaborate or answer any questions you may have about time outs, or discipline in general. I hope that this has helped you understand how to use the time out correctly and effectively!
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Ha ha...
Ok, smarty pantses, you're right, we're not moving to China. But I thought that putting "pretty babies" in Chinese characters (gotta love Babelfish) in the header was a nice touch, didn't you?
Mom's response was the best, "I didn't buy it for a second," she said, "because I knew that you would be completely freaking out, not going on about how excited you were and what a great opportunity it was..." I'm paraphrasing, but that was the gist. Isn't it cool to have someone in the world who knows you like that?
Also, BJ was funny. I called him this morning right after I posted it and let him in on the gag, because I figured that he would get at least one call (I almost had you, Diana!), and I didn't want him to be confused. So I said, "Now you know, in case you get any strange phone calls," and he replied, "Yeah, the strange phone calls from the FBI should be a lot of fun."
Duh, the FBI knows it's April Fools Day.
Did anyone else prank you? My friend Shannyn sent a picture of an ultrasound scan showing 3 babies, and said, "We're having triplets!" A couple of other blogs got me with their fake "news" stories... In fact, the one that reminded me that today is April 1 was here. I was all ready to fire off a nasty comment, including witty and cutting prose about the difference between insure and ensure, but thankfully I caught myself just in the nick of time, and came back to my own blog to plague you all, instead.
Would anyone be interested in a bloggy book club? I've been thinking about starting one, where several main contributors (hello, Brandon) could read books and start conversations about them... However, this is not at all a unique idea, and there are tons of online book clubs (for the discussion of books, I mean, not for swapping books like PBS - look in the right sidebar if you mean that kind). I was thinking that since I'm a mommyblogger, we could focus on parenting books, and books about parenting (fiction and nonfiction, for example, My Sister's Keeper would generate interesting discussion).
Anyone else interested in such a thing?
Ok, in linking, above, I found books.google.com. It seems that you can read entire books online - contemporary books, not Shakespeare and stuff that they made us read in school (I'm still recovering from The House of Seven Gables - UGH. I will see Nathanial Hawthorne in hell), so I have to go check that out now, and if you don't hear from me for a very, very long time, it's because I'm working my way through the complete works of everyone. (Oh, nevermind, they take out random pages to mess with you, so you'll buy the book... Well, if you're not a stickler for knowing every tiny detail...)
Mom's response was the best, "I didn't buy it for a second," she said, "because I knew that you would be completely freaking out, not going on about how excited you were and what a great opportunity it was..." I'm paraphrasing, but that was the gist. Isn't it cool to have someone in the world who knows you like that?
Also, BJ was funny. I called him this morning right after I posted it and let him in on the gag, because I figured that he would get at least one call (I almost had you, Diana!), and I didn't want him to be confused. So I said, "Now you know, in case you get any strange phone calls," and he replied, "Yeah, the strange phone calls from the FBI should be a lot of fun."
Duh, the FBI knows it's April Fools Day.
Did anyone else prank you? My friend Shannyn sent a picture of an ultrasound scan showing 3 babies, and said, "We're having triplets!" A couple of other blogs got me with their fake "news" stories... In fact, the one that reminded me that today is April 1 was here. I was all ready to fire off a nasty comment, including witty and cutting prose about the difference between insure and ensure, but thankfully I caught myself just in the nick of time, and came back to my own blog to plague you all, instead.
Would anyone be interested in a bloggy book club? I've been thinking about starting one, where several main contributors (hello, Brandon) could read books and start conversations about them... However, this is not at all a unique idea, and there are tons of online book clubs (for the discussion of books, I mean, not for swapping books like PBS - look in the right sidebar if you mean that kind). I was thinking that since I'm a mommyblogger, we could focus on parenting books, and books about parenting (fiction and nonfiction, for example, My Sister's Keeper would generate interesting discussion).
Anyone else interested in such a thing?
Ok, in linking, above, I found books.google.com. It seems that you can read entire books online - contemporary books, not Shakespeare and stuff that they made us read in school (I'm still recovering from The House of Seven Gables - UGH. I will see Nathanial Hawthorne in hell), so I have to go check that out now, and if you don't hear from me for a very, very long time, it's because I'm working my way through the complete works of everyone. (Oh, nevermind, they take out random pages to mess with you, so you'll buy the book... Well, if you're not a stickler for knowing every tiny detail...)
Exciting News!
Well, now that all our ducks are finally in a row, I can reveal our big news!!BJ has been offered a very lucrative job in China, and we'll be moving in two weeks to Beijing! I haven't said anything to anyone - not even my family - because it was a highly secretive negotiation process (aerospace is like that). Last night, though, they came to an agreement on salary, and we'll be leaving really soon.
I'm really excited about this, even though it's a huge step in our lives. For one thing, I think the kids will really benefit, growing up in a culture so different from our own. Also, since BJ will be making ridiculous money, I'll be able to stay home with them full time, and take them to all sorts of interesting historic events and places. My step-mom's brother and his family live in China, too, so it's not as though we'll be totally alone.
I have about a zillion things to do, so you may not hear much from me over the next few weeks, but rest assured that as soon as we're settled, I'll update you on all of the huge changes in our lives.
很快再见 (that's "see you soon")
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