Don't Talk To Your Kids About 9/11/01

Every year around this time, I see a dozen blog posts and magazine articles on "How to talk to your kids about 9/11." No, really. A Google Search reveals 19,500,000 articles. No kidding.

Here's the thing. If your kids are approximately the ages of my kids (4 and 2.5 - born in 2005 and 2007) I can sum up all 19,500,000 of those articles in one word.

Don't.

9/11 was the defining moment of this decade, the same way that Kennedy's assassination defined the 1960s. My parents' generation remembers exactly where they were and what they were doing when Kennedy was assassinated, the same way I remember every detail of 9/11, from the smell of the air to the weather to the conversations I had in class that day.

But stop a minute and think about how you felt to hear your parents talk about the Kennedy assassination when you were a kid... Did you understand? Did you really get it, or was it just a bit of trivia for you to take to history class? I know that when my parents talked to me about it, I felt sad that they were sad about it. I know that they tried to convey what that day was like to me, but they couldn't.

It was their tragedy, not mine.

And if your kid was born in 1995 or later, 9/11 is not his tragedy. (I'm figuring kids who were six when it happened were in school, so they may have some memory of it).

He isn't going to "get it."

So don't burden him with it.

Now, of course, if you knew someone who was killed that day, of course you're going to talk about that person, just like you would if they'd died in a car accident or of a heart attack. Of course, if you live in New York or D.C., and reminders of what happened are going to be all around, you're going to have to talk about what happened. Of course, if your child's school does some sort of memorial service or moment of silence, they're going to have questions, and it's probably a good idea to prepare them in advance. I strongly encourage you to keep it as brief as possible. "A really sad thing happened 8 years ago today that affected a lot of people, and when things like that happen, people like to remember with a (memorial service), (moment of silence), (flag at half staff), (etc.)."

I do not think that you should go into the politics or the particulars, even with an older child. As we generally do when it comes to the sex talk, I think you should answer their questions directly and briefly, only give them the information they're asking for, and distract them with ice cream as soon as possible.

But if your kids are young, like mine, and if you live in the midwest, as we do, I am giving you permission to not talk about it. Turn off the TV and pretend it never happened. We live in such a Dr. Phil society, where everyone has to "talk everything out," and "express their feelings" and "get closure" and all of that b.s. I know there's more than one parent out there who feels like she should tell her young children what happened. But don't. Resist the little Dr. Phil in your head telling you that you have to verbally vomit every thought that enters your head. Some things are better left unsaid. Your young kids don't need this information, not yet.

Because you know when they'll remember the conversation? Right after they've closed the door of the airplane on your flight to your vacation.

What do you think? Am I completely wrong? How old are your kids, and how are you handling this discussion with them today? Let me have it in the comments...

Family, Food, and Language

When I was a kid, we were so poor my mama had to stretch a box of macaroni and cheese.

Ok, not really... But my mom did make tuna casserole from Kraft Dinner (for all you Canadians) often. When my dad came over the other night to watch the kids so that BJ and I could have dinner with a new friend, I asked what he wanted, and joked, "Mush McPuna?"

Mush McPuna, for those of you not related to me, is a box of Kraft Mac and Cheese, plus some extra elbow macaroni, plus a can of cream of mushroom soup, plus a can of tuna, plus some frozen peas. Instead of adding the butter and milk as you would if you were making the Mac and Cheese according to the package, you omit the butter and add a soup can's worth of milk. So, cook the noodles and peas, drain, add the cheese sauce powder, the soup, the milk, and the drained tuna. Voila. If you're feeling fancy you can crumble potato chips on top of it.

Dad said, "Sure! I haven't had that in years!!" But I don't eat tuna anymore (due to a bad food poisoning experience - don't eat those tuna pouches. This has been a public service address. You're welcome), and I don't keep cream of mushroom soup in the house (BJ hates mushrooms, even the tiny fake ones in cream of mushroom soup), and I didn't have any peas.

Instead I made it with diced, cooked chicken breast, cream of celery soup, and frozen broccoli.

"Chuck McPockley."

I was thinking about posting all this today while I was re-heating some Chuck McPockley for lunch. The kids wouldn't eat it, so they got PB&J, Goldfish Pretzels, and apple smash.

Apple smash is apple sauce, for those of you who aren't related to Claire (or haven't heard her call it apple smash, yet).

I started thinking about how food and language are such integral parts of family. I thought about how language, particularly language about food, defines a family to a small, probably insignificant but still a little interesting extent. I mean, it's not like the Pretty Babies family is its own culture with its own food that's as separate from your family as Indian food is from Japanese food... Not quite. But still, there are little Us-isms that set us apart.

My step-mom makes orange bow-knots, especially at Easter but often for Christmas or Thanksgiving, too. BJ's step-mom's entire family puts chicken and noodles on their mashed potatoes, and they eat sugar cream pie and take it very seriously. My dad eats cold pizza for breakfast, and popcorn is his favorite (only?) vegetable. My mom and my aunts make great-grandma Shank's peanut butter cookies at Christmas. BJ's mom drinks coffee with dinner, and her mom does, too.

When BJ and I got married, I asked his mom for her meatloaf recipe, I think because I wanted to learn to speak his language, and cook in a way that said "family" to him - even if I didn't realize it at the time. But he still won't eat my Mush McPuna - those pesky mushrooms!

Together, though, we're creating our own little nation - our own heritage for our kids to carry forward. We're adopting the best traditions from each of our families, and we're adding our own weird little touches, like apple smash and Chuck McPockley.

What foods and food related words mean "family" to you?

Hives!

We had such a busy day yesterday! School in the morning, then ballet in the afternoon, then we came home and I cleaned like a crazy person - I got about 8 and a half things on my list accomplished. Not bad, considering that trying to clean with kids in the house is like trying to nail Jello to the wall. My uncle Doug was in town for an extremely boring seminar, but he ended his day on a high note by coming over to play with the pretty babies and joining us for dinner at Noodles. Dad stopped by for a bit, too. We got home from dinner just after 8:00, so we took the kids upstairs for bed.

That's when things got weird.

Mary Grace wanted her back scratched, instead of rubbed like she normally wants. After our usual 5 minutes, we went in our room and put away the seven loads of laundry I mentioned yesterday. Well, maybe 5 and a half, because I couldn't put the kids' clothes away with them in their room. Mary Grace was still up at 10 pm, so I gave her a melatonin (doctor approved, haters, so don't talk to me about drugging my kid!). She came out at 10:30 (!!! That never happens - melatonin usually knocks her out in 15 - 20 minutes!) and said that she was itchy. That's when we noticed the hives all over her body.

I called my friend Casey right away because her daughter is in MG's class, and she had an itchy rash yesterday. I made sure that Casey was sure that Christine's spots were bites (which she was - Casey suspects a particularly bitey spider) because I thought, for a minute, that it might be something contagious (chicken pox? I don't know... But two itchy kids in a class of 20, it made me suspicious! Fortunately I knew Casey would still be up, because she's a night owl like me. She answered by saying, "What are you doing up?")

Mary Grace didn't eat anything weird or new yesterday. I have no idea what could possibly have caused her hives. I did buy Wisk detergent, instead of my usual All Free & Clear, because I had a coupon. I suppose she could be reacting to the change in detergent. I guess I won't put all the clothes I washed yesterday away, until I see whether or not today's clothes break her out. I'll just have to wash them all over again in our usual detergent if that happens.

We gave her a hit of Benadryl and put Benadryl cream on the itchiest spots. It still took her until about 11 pm to fall asleep, though, poor kid.

This morning we had school, but I didn't want to wake her up early after such a rough night. Instead I let her sleep, and she got up at 9 on her own. I asked her if she wanted to go to school, but she said no. It's probably a good thing, because her behavior has been pretty crummy so far this morning. There has been a lot of fighting, so I'm sure she would've been delightful at school.

She's just exhausted. At least the hives are gone (knock wood).

To Do List

In order of how I remembered them:

Things I Need To Do:
Put away seven loads of laundry
Vacuum upstairs
Clean upstairs bathroom
Vacuum downstairs
Clean the toy room (ugh)
Clean the kitchen, bathroom, and toyroom floors
Pull weeds
Empty dishwasher & reload with breakfast dishes
Wash sheets
Clean out fridge
Defrost freezer
Make grocery list, go through coupons
Grocery shopping
Take MG to Ballet
Go to work tomorrow (see alternate neverending list of things that need to be done at work)
Declutter the shelf over there that is groaning under the weight of all my crap
Clean out the car
Dust
Get a hair cut
Sort some toys out to take to Goodwill because, seriously, the toy room is out of control
Wash the insides of all the window sills and the patio door sills because they are nasty

Things I've Already Done:
Clean downstairs bathroom (except floor)
Wash laundry
Gotten health insurance quotes
Gone to work (today)

Things I Want To Do:
Nap
Surf Internet
Read
Play with the kids
Go out for coffee with Casey
Make a List of Things To Do that includes the Things I've Already Done so I can check them
off and feel like I've accomplished something, even though most of it happened yesterday
Hire someone to clean the house

Random Tuesday

This is Mary Grace's favorite YouTube video:



I have no idea how we found it originally, but she loves it and could watch it over and over for hours and never get bored.

In other news, Claire got bit by a mosquito on the bridge of her nose, and now she looks like this guy:








All right, technically her hair isn't that long, but the bridge of her nose is swollen, and has been for days, and she looks weird in a way that sets off my "something is WRONG" mom alarm. I get a little jolt of anxiety every time I look at her, until I realize, "Oh, it's just the mosquito bite, it's fine..."

It's a little tiring.

Otherwise, not much is new here. Did you all have a nice holiday weekend?