I can hardly contain my enthusiasm.
I received a questionnaire that says it must be completed and returned within 7 days, and I must affirm that my answers are correct. Ok...
It started out pretty standard, but then I flipped the page and got to the following questions:
Do you have a computer in your home? Desktop or Laptop? Do you have internet access? Dial-up, DSL, Cable, or Satellite? Do you have a cell phone? How long have you had it? Is it a smartphone? Do you have email access from it? Do you text message? How often? Do you have email? How often do you check it? Do you use other personal electronic devices (iPod, iPad, GPS, etc.) that you use daily? Do you visit social media websites? How many times per day? Do you have an account on those sites? How often do you use it? How many hours a week do you spend online? Please list your three favorite TV shows. What is your favorite hobby? What types of books or magazines do you like to read?What the screaming heck is this? Why do they care? Am I wrong to feel a little creepy about being compelled to give this information? What, exactly, are they trying to learn about me, and for what purpose? I mean, I don't want to act paranoid but this makes me feel paranoid.
I served on a jury once, when I was pregnant with Claire. Here are some questions that I think are much more relevant to jury fitness.
* Do you get the shakes if you can't check your phone or your email at least twice an hour? (My answer - yes)
* Do you have any experience with logic and/or reason? Please describe.
* Are you able to answer questions without completely making up answers?
* Can you keep your mouth shut, listen, and pay attention for hours at a time without being allowed to say anything? (My answer - no.)
* Do you watch too many shows like CSI? Are you not going to be convinced if there's anything less than DNA evidence linking the accused to the crime? Do you realize that DNA testing is expensive and that you live in Podunk, Indiana, where we can't just take hair samples from every bad guy and run them through the lab?
* Are you able to go without a bathroom break for 4 hours?
* Are you able to sit in an extremely uncomfortable chair for 4 - 8 hours?
* Are you picky about being able to eat and drink what you want, when you want?
* Do you have excellent personal hygiene habits? Do you use deodorant and toothpaste? After all, you're going to be confined with 11 other people for a long period of time, and no one likes to sit next to someone who stinks.
Seriously, someone at the courthouse needs to give me a job.