Yesterday was a really crummy day. Sorry for not posting. I called BJ at work and said, "When you get home I am LEAVING," and when he got home I bravely ran away. Don't worry, I came back. All my stuff is here.
***
When Claire was little, BJ would give MG a bath while I nursed Claire to sleep. When MG got out of the tub, she would crawl into bed with me, and I would sniff her head (usually right at her neck, to make her giggle) and say, "MMMMMMmmmmm! You smell so nice and bathy!" We used Johnson & Johnson's bedtime baby shampoo on her then, the stuff that smells like lavendar. That smell still takes me right back to that time.
I woke up this morning to exciting news! I won the Pay Your Way to Blogher Sweepstakes, sponsored by Johnson & Johnson, to cover the costs associated with getting to the conference, and a Flip video camera! My roommates and I are so excited, and so grateful to Johnson & Johnson's!!!!! We're also grateful to GM, for sponsoring the vehicle we're carpooling in to get to the conference!
I can not WAIT to bring you exciting coverage of this conference, on my new Flip!!
I really needed good news today, after a rough week. Thanks so much, Johnson & Johnson, GM, Flip, BlogHer!!
My friend Cate, who lives in Alaska, is going to be here any minute, but I just had to share this amazing news, and my gratitude, with all of you! Today is looking like a MUCH better day.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Oy vey, can you believe the mouth on that one?
I have had it up to there with Mary Grace.She is a smart mouthed little brat.
I can't even tell you how close I've come to smacking her in the face the last couple of days...
Example 1:
Me: Mary Grace, stop it.
(keeps doing it)
Me: Mary Grace, knock it off.
(keeps doing it)
Me: I said STOP!
MG: You don't tell me what to do! (in the huffiest, bossiest, little-shittiest tone of voice I have ever heard come out of a three year old!)
Example 2:
Me: (any request)
MG: Ugggggghhhhhh! (as she stomps away)
Example 3:
Me: Leave your sister alone.
MG: (doesn't leave her sister alone)
Me: If you don't leave her alone, you're going to have a time out.
MG: I don't care!
(These three exchanges, with slight variation, have happened approximately 10,248,345 times in the past 24 hours).
I have tried giving her time outs. I have tried taking away her favorite toys (but I got in trouble with BJ for taking away her Leapfrog Tag Pen - he said we shouldn't take away her books. I said I didn't take away her books, I took away the pen that reads the books, she's still perfectly capable of reading the Tag books without the pen...). I've taken away television.
I do not know what to do. Nothing works. Are we allowed to wash kids' mouths out with soap, still, or did that go the way of the spanking?
I want spanking back as an option, seriously, because I swear to God if 14-year-old words come out of her mouth one more time, I am going to put her on a bus to Grammaland.
My mom said, "Someday you'll have a daughter just like you."
I hope you're happy, mother!
(Photo caption, the royal treatment! Source Wikimedia Commons)
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Michael Jackson
I'm not sure which is more stunning - the incredible number of people who showed up for Michael Jackson's funeral, or CNN's non-stop coverage of the whole thing. I didn't believe it when I saw it on Fark.com, so I tuned in to see if it was true. Sure enough - CNN has basically become MTV. In fact, CNN has played more music in the few minutes I've had it on than I've seen on MTV in years.
People are very, very strange, and I don't get them at all most of the time, honestly.
Hey CNN? Have you heard?? There's a WAR on! Two, actually. And there are revolutions going on in Iran, Honduras... and you're spending all this time and energy on a musician who hasn't been musically relevant in 15 years (and that's being generous)? Really? Really?
I guess CNN reports on what people will watch, and the average American is more interested in celebrities than the historic things that are going on all around us. I don't understand our cultural preoccupation with the famous. I really don't. I mean, like everyone I was madly in love with the New Kids on the Block... when I was 12! To see grown adults crying over someone they've never met, well, it strikes me as immature, frankly. I read that people (adults!) have actually taken their own lives because Michael Jackson died. Seriously. Are these peoples' lives so empty that they have to live vicariously through someone they didn't even know?
Sure, he probably gave a lot of money to charity, etc. But so does Bill Gates. So does Warren Buffet. So do a lot of people. They're not going to fill stadiums when they die. They won't rate 24/7 cable news coverage.
Sure, he was born poor in a miserable city, and rose to the highest heights of wealth and fame. Pretty typical "American dream" stuff. But I don't think that explains the level of obsession that I've seen since he died.
Maybe the fact that I don't get it just means that this isn't about me, or people like me. I can accept that. I did grow up during the 80s, though. I grew up about 30 minutes from Gary, Indiana, where he was born. I'm not African American, but many of his fans were white.
Maybe I'm just not the target demographic. It all makes me really wonder, though, about the target demographic's priorities. Are we this shallow, as a culture? Don't we have more important things to think about?
Can anyone explain this to me?
Updated to add: I just read that the bankrupt state of California is paying for this circus! Are you kidding me??
People are very, very strange, and I don't get them at all most of the time, honestly.
Hey CNN? Have you heard?? There's a WAR on! Two, actually. And there are revolutions going on in Iran, Honduras... and you're spending all this time and energy on a musician who hasn't been musically relevant in 15 years (and that's being generous)? Really? Really?
I guess CNN reports on what people will watch, and the average American is more interested in celebrities than the historic things that are going on all around us. I don't understand our cultural preoccupation with the famous. I really don't. I mean, like everyone I was madly in love with the New Kids on the Block... when I was 12! To see grown adults crying over someone they've never met, well, it strikes me as immature, frankly. I read that people (adults!) have actually taken their own lives because Michael Jackson died. Seriously. Are these peoples' lives so empty that they have to live vicariously through someone they didn't even know?
Sure, he probably gave a lot of money to charity, etc. But so does Bill Gates. So does Warren Buffet. So do a lot of people. They're not going to fill stadiums when they die. They won't rate 24/7 cable news coverage.
Sure, he was born poor in a miserable city, and rose to the highest heights of wealth and fame. Pretty typical "American dream" stuff. But I don't think that explains the level of obsession that I've seen since he died.
Maybe the fact that I don't get it just means that this isn't about me, or people like me. I can accept that. I did grow up during the 80s, though. I grew up about 30 minutes from Gary, Indiana, where he was born. I'm not African American, but many of his fans were white.
Maybe I'm just not the target demographic. It all makes me really wonder, though, about the target demographic's priorities. Are we this shallow, as a culture? Don't we have more important things to think about?
Can anyone explain this to me?
Updated to add: I just read that the bankrupt state of California is paying for this circus! Are you kidding me??
Monday, July 6, 2009
Husband vs. Kids - here we go again
Every couple of years the whole, "Who do you love more, your husband or your kids?" debate goes around. This time I found the article on MomLogic. And this time I have my own blog, so I can weigh in on the ongoing debate.
First of all, I think it's foolish to even start this discussion. Very few of us are ever going to be put in a position to have to choose between our husbands and our kids - no one's going to hold a gun to your head and say, "Choose!" so why bother even thinking about it? Because if you say you love one more than the other, what does that say about your relationship with the one you love less? How can you even quantify or compare the two? It's like comparing apples to penguins.
I also think that it's foolish to talk about having a favorite child. Mine changes moment to moment. Right now it's Mary Grace because she and Daddy are sitting here playing Candy Land, and I'm just delighted by the way she knows the rules and plays along, the way she plays fairly, the way she's getting so big... But earlier today it was Claire, when she and I were snuggled up in bed together trying to take a nap, and she was stroking my face. They're both my favorite, for different reasons.
But since this husband vs. kids thing goes around so often, I have given it a lot of thought.
The love I have for my kids is giving. The paybacks I receive from them (in the form of dandelion bouquets and face stroking and "I love you, too, Mommy"s) are not equal to the amount of things I do for them. I give and they take. On the other hand, with BJ it's much more equal (I hope - he's been taking care of me with a bad back for a couple days, now, so he may think that I'm the taker in the relationship!). He's strong when I'm weak, and I'm strong for him when he's weak. We compliment each other well - he's good at math and science, I'm good at the other stuff. He kills bugs for me, I cook dinner, he cleans up, I do laundry, he works, I pay the bills at home and at work... Back and forth. Our relationship is a see-saw, where we're each high and low during our turns. My relationship with the kids is a swing - I'm standing behind doing all the pushing and they're having all the fun.
At this point in our lives, the relationship I have with my kids is tiring. The relationship I have with BJ is restorative. Being with the kids by myself for a whole weekend wears me out, while being with BJ by myself for a weekend is relaxing and fun. Sure, I have fun with the kids, too, but it's fun with a lot more work, simply because they're kids and they're little and I still have to wipe their behinds. I'm not sure how this dynamic will change as they get older, but I suspect that even when they're self-sufficient, they'll still be work.
The love I have for the kids is primal - I just can't help it. I am wired to love them and to want to protect them and care for them. But so is BJ, and watching him be a father to them, seeing him get furious when Mary Grace talks about a kid at school picking on her, or watching him wrestle with the kids on the living room floor, it reinforces that I chose the right man to be their father, more than I could've possibly known at the time that I chose him.
A lot of women seem to use the whole "I love my kids more," thing as an excuse to neglect their husbands, and I think that's a bad way to maintain a family. I recognize that the primary relationship in our family dynamic is the one between BJ and I, and I work hard to protect and continually improve that relationship because I realize that the well-being of all of us rests in that relationship. If I have an amazing, perfect relationship with Claire that I cultivate and put a ton of effort into, that's great for Claire, but the imbalance would eventually cause MG and BJ to resent us and that relationship. However, if I put a lot of effort into my relationship with BJ, it creates a stable, happy home for our kids and all of us benefit. Therefore, the smart mother, in my opinion, will tend to the marital relationship as her highest priority, because a healthy marriage is good for the whole family.
I don't mean that you let the kids starve while you wait on your husband hand and foot... But I don't think you should let your husband starve, emotionally, while you exhaust yourself being everything to your kids, either. Balance is important, and necessary, and any husband and father will recognize that you have to take care of the kids, too. I see a lot of sad men in the world who feel like they don't matter to their wives anymore once they have kids. And in the long run, I think it's not healthy to be everything to your kids, anyway, but that's another issue and another post.
It's also important to point out that I chose BJ and he chose me, while our kids were the luck of the draw genetically. To me, it's like the difference between loving a garden that was there when you bought the house, and loving a garden that you've worked hard to create. They may be equally beautiful, but the one that you put the effort into is the one that's going to mean more. I see the kids as the garden that I was just really lucky to receive. BJ's the garden I worked hard to cultivate.
Of course, I've put tons of effort into raising the kids, so far, and plan to put in tons more, but since BJ and I were together for 8 years before we had kids, they're never going to catch up to him.
I also think about the fact that the kids are going to grow up and move out and create their own lives, someday, while BJ and I are going to be together, in the same house, every day until we die. For that reason, I think it's vitally important to my own sanity to work at our marriage. Long after our kids have kids of their own, hopefully, we'll still be here. Together. I'd much prefer to spend the rest of my life with someone who has always felt loved, cherished, and cared for, than with someone who has felt like he was playing second fiddle since 2005 (when MG was born).
I just re-read this, and it kind of sounds like I'm coming down on the "I love my husband more" side. I guess maybe I am. I just want to caution the moms who might be reading that article in MomLogic against coming down too heavily in the "kids" camp. And don't confuse instincts with love. And don't have internal dialogues about things that don't matter - like who you love more. Because in the end, the idea is for everyone to feel loved, and for everyone's needs to be met. We're a family, we're not in competition with one another. And you shouldn't be in competition in your family, either, so knock it off.
First of all, I think it's foolish to even start this discussion. Very few of us are ever going to be put in a position to have to choose between our husbands and our kids - no one's going to hold a gun to your head and say, "Choose!" so why bother even thinking about it? Because if you say you love one more than the other, what does that say about your relationship with the one you love less? How can you even quantify or compare the two? It's like comparing apples to penguins.
I also think that it's foolish to talk about having a favorite child. Mine changes moment to moment. Right now it's Mary Grace because she and Daddy are sitting here playing Candy Land, and I'm just delighted by the way she knows the rules and plays along, the way she plays fairly, the way she's getting so big... But earlier today it was Claire, when she and I were snuggled up in bed together trying to take a nap, and she was stroking my face. They're both my favorite, for different reasons.
But since this husband vs. kids thing goes around so often, I have given it a lot of thought.
The love I have for my kids is giving. The paybacks I receive from them (in the form of dandelion bouquets and face stroking and "I love you, too, Mommy"s) are not equal to the amount of things I do for them. I give and they take. On the other hand, with BJ it's much more equal (I hope - he's been taking care of me with a bad back for a couple days, now, so he may think that I'm the taker in the relationship!). He's strong when I'm weak, and I'm strong for him when he's weak. We compliment each other well - he's good at math and science, I'm good at the other stuff. He kills bugs for me, I cook dinner, he cleans up, I do laundry, he works, I pay the bills at home and at work... Back and forth. Our relationship is a see-saw, where we're each high and low during our turns. My relationship with the kids is a swing - I'm standing behind doing all the pushing and they're having all the fun.
At this point in our lives, the relationship I have with my kids is tiring. The relationship I have with BJ is restorative. Being with the kids by myself for a whole weekend wears me out, while being with BJ by myself for a weekend is relaxing and fun. Sure, I have fun with the kids, too, but it's fun with a lot more work, simply because they're kids and they're little and I still have to wipe their behinds. I'm not sure how this dynamic will change as they get older, but I suspect that even when they're self-sufficient, they'll still be work.
The love I have for the kids is primal - I just can't help it. I am wired to love them and to want to protect them and care for them. But so is BJ, and watching him be a father to them, seeing him get furious when Mary Grace talks about a kid at school picking on her, or watching him wrestle with the kids on the living room floor, it reinforces that I chose the right man to be their father, more than I could've possibly known at the time that I chose him.
A lot of women seem to use the whole "I love my kids more," thing as an excuse to neglect their husbands, and I think that's a bad way to maintain a family. I recognize that the primary relationship in our family dynamic is the one between BJ and I, and I work hard to protect and continually improve that relationship because I realize that the well-being of all of us rests in that relationship. If I have an amazing, perfect relationship with Claire that I cultivate and put a ton of effort into, that's great for Claire, but the imbalance would eventually cause MG and BJ to resent us and that relationship. However, if I put a lot of effort into my relationship with BJ, it creates a stable, happy home for our kids and all of us benefit. Therefore, the smart mother, in my opinion, will tend to the marital relationship as her highest priority, because a healthy marriage is good for the whole family.
I don't mean that you let the kids starve while you wait on your husband hand and foot... But I don't think you should let your husband starve, emotionally, while you exhaust yourself being everything to your kids, either. Balance is important, and necessary, and any husband and father will recognize that you have to take care of the kids, too. I see a lot of sad men in the world who feel like they don't matter to their wives anymore once they have kids. And in the long run, I think it's not healthy to be everything to your kids, anyway, but that's another issue and another post.
It's also important to point out that I chose BJ and he chose me, while our kids were the luck of the draw genetically. To me, it's like the difference between loving a garden that was there when you bought the house, and loving a garden that you've worked hard to create. They may be equally beautiful, but the one that you put the effort into is the one that's going to mean more. I see the kids as the garden that I was just really lucky to receive. BJ's the garden I worked hard to cultivate.
Of course, I've put tons of effort into raising the kids, so far, and plan to put in tons more, but since BJ and I were together for 8 years before we had kids, they're never going to catch up to him.
I also think about the fact that the kids are going to grow up and move out and create their own lives, someday, while BJ and I are going to be together, in the same house, every day until we die. For that reason, I think it's vitally important to my own sanity to work at our marriage. Long after our kids have kids of their own, hopefully, we'll still be here. Together. I'd much prefer to spend the rest of my life with someone who has always felt loved, cherished, and cared for, than with someone who has felt like he was playing second fiddle since 2005 (when MG was born).
I just re-read this, and it kind of sounds like I'm coming down on the "I love my husband more" side. I guess maybe I am. I just want to caution the moms who might be reading that article in MomLogic against coming down too heavily in the "kids" camp. And don't confuse instincts with love. And don't have internal dialogues about things that don't matter - like who you love more. Because in the end, the idea is for everyone to feel loved, and for everyone's needs to be met. We're a family, we're not in competition with one another. And you shouldn't be in competition in your family, either, so knock it off.
Motor Mouth
Claire has turned into quite the little motor mouth lately. If her words are reflective of her thoughts, she thinks primarily about princesses, boo-ful dresses, and her "Ister."
Twice yesterday I asked her if she wanted something. Both times she replied, "No thanks, Mommy, it's all good."
Today she was standing at the top of the stairs crying because she wanted to wear her "Nemo dress" (an orange, dip dyed dress that I picked up for her at Target - you can't see the whole thing, here, but you can see how it makes her feel...
I didn't want her to wear it today because she's been wearing it for a couple of days, and it's filthy, but she was insistent. Since I hurt my back and the kids have a virus, we're not really planning to go anywhere today (except, maybe, the pharmacy if, God willing, the doctor calls in a prescription for me!), I finally caved and let her wear the (expletive deleted) dress.
On the way down the stairs she said, "It's a boo-ful dress! It's a boo-ful dress every day!"
Then there's the OMM (original motor mouth), Mary Grace. She's so stinkin' funny. The other day she and BJ had the following exchange.
MG: Daddy, I want a TV in my room!
Daddy: You can't have a TV in your room for many years.
MG: Why not?
Daddy: Because you have to be older to have a TV in your room.
MG: How old?
Daddy: ...
time passes
MG: Daddy, why do we have hallways?
Daddy: To get from one room to another, why?
MG: 'Cause if we didn't have a hallway, your room would be in my room and then I would have a TV in my room!
One can't fault her for her logic. We do, indeed, have a TV in our room, and the hallway and the bathroom are the only things between our room and their room. The bathroom's purpose is clear, but what about that pesky hallway?
Mary Grace has also started calling our black cat "Edwin" because that's the name of Olivia's black cat in the book Olivia.
She was packing her backpack last night full of treasures. "Where are you going?" we asked. "Grandma's," she replied, matter of factly. So, Grandmas, consider yourselves on notice. As soon as we get rid of this virus...
I can't remember what we ever used to laugh about before we had kids.
Twice yesterday I asked her if she wanted something. Both times she replied, "No thanks, Mommy, it's all good."
Today she was standing at the top of the stairs crying because she wanted to wear her "Nemo dress" (an orange, dip dyed dress that I picked up for her at Target - you can't see the whole thing, here, but you can see how it makes her feel...
I didn't want her to wear it today because she's been wearing it for a couple of days, and it's filthy, but she was insistent. Since I hurt my back and the kids have a virus, we're not really planning to go anywhere today (except, maybe, the pharmacy if, God willing, the doctor calls in a prescription for me!), I finally caved and let her wear the (expletive deleted) dress.
On the way down the stairs she said, "It's a boo-ful dress! It's a boo-ful dress every day!"
Then there's the OMM (original motor mouth), Mary Grace. She's so stinkin' funny. The other day she and BJ had the following exchange.
MG: Daddy, I want a TV in my room!
Daddy: You can't have a TV in your room for many years.
MG: Why not?
Daddy: Because you have to be older to have a TV in your room.
MG: How old?
Daddy: ...
time passes
MG: Daddy, why do we have hallways?
Daddy: To get from one room to another, why?
MG: 'Cause if we didn't have a hallway, your room would be in my room and then I would have a TV in my room!
One can't fault her for her logic. We do, indeed, have a TV in our room, and the hallway and the bathroom are the only things between our room and their room. The bathroom's purpose is clear, but what about that pesky hallway?
Mary Grace has also started calling our black cat "Edwin" because that's the name of Olivia's black cat in the book Olivia.
She was packing her backpack last night full of treasures. "Where are you going?" we asked. "Grandma's," she replied, matter of factly. So, Grandmas, consider yourselves on notice. As soon as we get rid of this virus...
I can't remember what we ever used to laugh about before we had kids.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)