Mary Grace: JACK! Jack! JACK! Jack! JACK!
Jack: YAH YA YAH YA YAH WAhahahahhhaHAHAHAH! Woah woah woah woah woah!!!!
Mom: Mary Grace? Mary Grace. Mary GRACE!
Mary Grace: What?
Mom: It's time to start calming down. Please play something quiet with your brother.
Mary Grace: We're going to play hide and seek!!!!
Mom: No, you're not. Do something quiet like reading a book to him. It's getting close to bedtime. Hide and seek is not quiet.
Mary Grace: But it's America's number one home game!
Mom: Go read a book. (straight faced)
Mary Grace: Ok.
Mom: (dies laughing)
***
In other news, Claire lost a tooth at school today, and her teacher suspects that she swallowed it. Mrs. O made her a paper tooth to put under her pillow, but she got it wet on the way home and came in sobbing. Luckily I heard her before she hit the door, so I had time to stick a Magical Golden Dollar Coin (tm) in my pocket.
I used a little sleight of hand, and now she totally believes that the Tooth Fairy came and put magic in Mommy while she was at school, probably during rest time, and that Mommy used that magic to find a coin in her mouth when she got home from school.
Phew!
***
PS - they're still not quiet and no one is reading anyone any books. Mary Grace is teaching Claire how to play the piano (Mary Grace's first lesson was today) and BJ is swinging Jack upside down and throwing him at the couch.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Groupoff
I am all done with Groupons, Deal Chickens, and every other kind of magic website that sells you stuff in advance for a reduced price.
I have had two different businesses go belly up on me before I had a chance to use my vouchers (I bought tickets for a comedy club in November, they cancelled the show we were going to see, then we tried to reschedule and I found out tonight that they're closed. Small wonder if they went around cancelling shows, anyway). I had one that required multiple visits to a spa, and I only got 2/3 of them accomplished before they closed.
It's just bullshit. It's like gift cards - a way to separate people from their money. I am finished.
I have had two different businesses go belly up on me before I had a chance to use my vouchers (I bought tickets for a comedy club in November, they cancelled the show we were going to see, then we tried to reschedule and I found out tonight that they're closed. Small wonder if they went around cancelling shows, anyway). I had one that required multiple visits to a spa, and I only got 2/3 of them accomplished before they closed.
It's just bullshit. It's like gift cards - a way to separate people from their money. I am finished.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Welcome to our Ool
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| Both of mine are like the one on the left. Weird. |
Oy vey. Did I ever tell you about the last time I had jury duty?
The case involved a guy who went to this girl's house and hit her new boyfriend upside the head with a tire iron. That wasn't a question - the guy pretty much admitted it. Our only duty as a jury was to find the guy guilty of either a) assault or b) assault with a deadly weapon.
The guilty part took like 10 seconds. But then it got weird. The definition of "deadly weapon" is pretty clear to anyone with an IQ above produce - if the weapon used in the manner that it was could kill someone, then it's a deadly weapon. So it has nothing to do with the instrument itself - it's the manner in which it's used that matters. Stuffing marshmallows down someone's throat could be considered "assault with a deadly weapon" if the person could reasonably have died from the action - whether he actually died or not is only relevant in deciding whether the bad guy gets assault-with-a-deadly or murder. With me?
So any REASONABLE person would agree that a tire iron, when used in the manner it was used in (bashing upside the head) COULD kill someone. It was only dumb luck that it didn't. And they had plenty of evidence that the bad guy had hit the other guy (who wasn't much of a peach, himself) in the head. Pictures, etc.
I guess the prosecutor didn't explain it at a Kindergarten level (oh who am I kidding, Claire would have done better than the people I served with), though, because they refused to understand that it was a deadly weapon - even though the guy didn't die. And when I held my ground, as the jury foreman, and insisted on not returning a verdict until I was exhausted (I was pregnant with Claire at the time, and I had been there 12 hours), they started just making crap up. I remember one woman in particular saying, "We don't know that he hit him in the head with a tire iron. He could have fallen and hit his head on the TV."
The lawyers actually came up to me after the trial, when I finally gave in (it was everyone against me, and they were getting kind of scary, and I was like, "Screw it, I don't care enough to get my ass kicked by these idiots,") and said, "OMGWTFBBQ?" and I said, "You didn't explain the deadly weapon part at all, and they didn't understand, and I tried everything I could to convince them, but they were not smart people."
It was awesome.
So I am greatly looking forward to Tuesday, y'all. You can bet that I'll have a story, no matter what happens. Maybe I'll liveblog.
Have you ever been a juror?
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Late
The kids and I went over to Karen and Jim's last night to ring in the new year with appetizers and the chocolate fountain that the girls picked out for BJ and I for Christmas. BJ went to Brandon's to play games. Jack finally went to bed around 10? 10:30? I don't know, by then I'd had a lot of wine. My girls and Karen's boys all made it to midnight. We all gave kisses, put on one last movie, and Karen and I went upstairs convinced that the kids would be asleep in seconds.
Owen came upstairs at 1:45 am to tell us that the movie had ended! He and Mary Grace somehow willed themselves to stay awake for the whole thing. We sent him back down to the basement to sleep and BJ and I drove the half mile home, convinced that none of the kids would stir until morning.
Jim heard Jack at 4 am saying, "Mama? Mama?" in the kitchen. Karen retrieved him and spent the next two hours trying to get him back to sleep (she's tenacious - I would have given up after about 20 minutes and driven his little butt home!). She called us at 8:30 to let us know that he was awake and cheerful and that we ought to come get him before that changed. We had breakfast over there, gathered up all our stuff, and came home. We spent the day here, mostly cleaning and organizing.
He took one heck of a long nap this afternoon, but Jack was otherwise cheerful. The girls got a little fussy toward bedtime. They were picking at each other and bickering. I could tell just from the look on Mary Grace's face that she was exhausted.
"Listen, Sis, we're going to eat supper, then we're going to have a nice bath and go to bed. You just have to hold it together for like 45 minutes, ok? And then you can rest. But I want you to remember how you feel right now. This is why Dad and I want you to get a good night's sleep every night. It feels really crummy inside when you're tired, doesn't it?"
The tears spilled from her eyes. "Yes, it does feel very crummy," she sobbed.
"I know. It's very hard to control yourself when you're too tired. You just want to yell at everyone, don't you?" she nodded. Claire snuggled into my shoulder and cried, too. "I know it's hard. I'm grouchy too. We'll get through it. Dinner will be here soon* and then we'll take a bath and go to bed, and tomorrow will be better."
So they went back into the family room to do whatever they do in there, and I went back to trying to organize the MP3s on my computer. After a few minutes, they must have started to get into it again, because I heard Claire say, sternly, "Mary Grace! We have to hold it together for 45 more minutes!" Miracle of miracles, MG listened, and the delivery driver showed up a moment later. Dinner, bath, bed, and we all survived.
It's a good thing New Years only happens once a year!
* Mommy got about 5 hours of sleep last night, too. If ever there were a time to order in, this was it!
Owen came upstairs at 1:45 am to tell us that the movie had ended! He and Mary Grace somehow willed themselves to stay awake for the whole thing. We sent him back down to the basement to sleep and BJ and I drove the half mile home, convinced that none of the kids would stir until morning.
Jim heard Jack at 4 am saying, "Mama? Mama?" in the kitchen. Karen retrieved him and spent the next two hours trying to get him back to sleep (she's tenacious - I would have given up after about 20 minutes and driven his little butt home!). She called us at 8:30 to let us know that he was awake and cheerful and that we ought to come get him before that changed. We had breakfast over there, gathered up all our stuff, and came home. We spent the day here, mostly cleaning and organizing.
He took one heck of a long nap this afternoon, but Jack was otherwise cheerful. The girls got a little fussy toward bedtime. They were picking at each other and bickering. I could tell just from the look on Mary Grace's face that she was exhausted.
"Listen, Sis, we're going to eat supper, then we're going to have a nice bath and go to bed. You just have to hold it together for like 45 minutes, ok? And then you can rest. But I want you to remember how you feel right now. This is why Dad and I want you to get a good night's sleep every night. It feels really crummy inside when you're tired, doesn't it?"
The tears spilled from her eyes. "Yes, it does feel very crummy," she sobbed.
"I know. It's very hard to control yourself when you're too tired. You just want to yell at everyone, don't you?" she nodded. Claire snuggled into my shoulder and cried, too. "I know it's hard. I'm grouchy too. We'll get through it. Dinner will be here soon* and then we'll take a bath and go to bed, and tomorrow will be better."
So they went back into the family room to do whatever they do in there, and I went back to trying to organize the MP3s on my computer. After a few minutes, they must have started to get into it again, because I heard Claire say, sternly, "Mary Grace! We have to hold it together for 45 more minutes!" Miracle of miracles, MG listened, and the delivery driver showed up a moment later. Dinner, bath, bed, and we all survived.
It's a good thing New Years only happens once a year!
* Mommy got about 5 hours of sleep last night, too. If ever there were a time to order in, this was it!
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