Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Happy New Year!

Since Fran and "Pierre" exposed us to the flu (we're not bitter... No, really, we're not. Fran reads el blogo, I wouldn't mention it if we were) we decided to avoid our friends with small children and keep our germs to ourselves tonight, which meant missing several family-friendly parties to which we were invited (Tammy, Purity, Jenny - I hope you're having fun without us!! No, really, I mean it, they read the blog, too).

We went to dinner at TGI Friday's, saw my favorite waiter in the world (Kip!), and had a great meal, just the four of us (Bumpa's working). Then we headed across the parking lot to Chuck E. Cheese for some video games (they've expanded, and it sucks a little less). (Jeez, 2009 is shaping up to be the year of the parentheses already...). Came home, got the girlies to bed (see ya next year, babiez!), BJ went out in pursuit of Ben & Jerry's, and when he gets home we're going to watch Tropic Thunder.

We know how to party.

I just wanted to take this minute to wish you a happy 2009! Thanks for spending some of your time with me this year. It means a lot to have so many people interested in our little world, here. I hope that I've made you laugh, and if not, that I've made you think, and if not, that I've at least made you say, "Awww..." at my kids' pictures.

I hope your 2009 is full of playdates and laughter, Goldfish and Koolaid, friends and family, string cheese and chocolate milk, parties and gymnastics and school and politics and opinions and more blessings than your heart can hold.

I just realized that I almost posted this to my mom's blog. Whoops!

And finally, here's one last picture of the girlies in 2008 - taken today, as they were rockin' the extremely cute suits that Aunt Amanda sent, which accidentally got mixed in with a pile of hand-me-downs from my awesome neighbor Chelsea, and which I'm glad I found before the end of the year, because it was seriously tacky of me not to thank her sooner for them. Thanks Amanda! You have excellent taste in Cute Suits!


Aren't they cute? Trust me, they're twice as cute when they're sleeping.

Happy New Year! BJ's home, and he, Ben & Jerry and I are going to curl up with Ben Stiller and Jack Black. It sounds more exciting when I put it that way...

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The Last Tuesday of 2008

I really find it hard to believe that 2008 is winding to a close. Time flies. I wonder if it's a function of having kids - they grow and change so much in a short amount of time, that the years start to fly by as they get bigger. (The first year, however, lasted at least a decade with both of them).

We put away the crib for the first time since August of 2005. Claire is now in a twin bed (set on the floor so she doesn't roll out and smash herself). The "nursery" - which can no longer technically be called a nursery, it's "the kids' room" - looks very, very weird. When we moved the bookshelf to make way for Claire's new bed, BJ said, "This bookshelf has been here MG's entire life."

It was funny, the first night in the new configuration, Mary Grace noticed that the glow-in-the-dark stars on her ceiling (which have also been there her entire life), made an M over where the crib used to be. She was so surprised. BJ and I just laughed, because that M and that G have been there for 3-1/2 years.

3-1/2 years. It's like the last semester of her senior year of being a baby. She's even got senioritis - refusing to do things (like talk like a big girl) that she mastered a year ago. Skipping class, staying up way too late...

And Claire, our little sophomore. Getting cuter every day. Developing a will, a strong personality, a sense of humor...

Is it wrong to think I might want another baby, just because I don't really like the way the house feels without a crib?

2009. Claire will turn 2 in March. Mary Grace will turn 4 in August. Our business will be 6 years old in February. BJ and I will celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary (so, we've got a masters' in being married!) in May. (Nice and linear - 2-4-6-8 - I like that. What will we start this year, so that two years from now it'll be 2-4-6-8-10?) It wasn't so long ago that celebrating a monthaversary was about as far as I got with anything (jobs, relationships, etc.) and here we are, several years into everything we're doing. You'd think we'd be used to it, this far in, but sometimes I still think, "Really? Have I been a mother this long? Have we had our business this long? Have I been a wife this long? Where'd the time go??"

BJ says that we're in the prime of our lives, and I feel it too. I feel like these are the years we'll re-live through stories when we're old. These are the posts that I'll come back and read over and over, so that I can remember the "best years." Is that pessimistic, that it may be all downhill from here, or optimistic, that these are the "good old days"? My mom says each decade in her life gets better - her 30s were better than her 20s, her 40s were better than her 30s, and her 50s are the best years yet.

I can't help but think about time, this time of year. I don't want it to go by too quickly, but I'm excited about what the future holds. It's time to reflect, time to appreciate, time to make plans, time to look forward with anticipation.

What are you looking back at, and forward to, as we approach New Years?

To anyone in or near Northwest Indiana - I have a friend looking for a pediatric nephrologist up there for her 10 year old. Recommendations would be helpful. E-mail me.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Just one thing...

Today is Monday. I mostly did housework, and we bought Bumpa's birthday present. I just have one thing to say today:

How can four people, two of whom are relatively small, produce SO much LAUNDRY?????

Sunday, December 28, 2008

What's Wrong With Education

I come from a long line of teachers. My college degree was in teaching, and my brother and sister are both teachers. Mom majored in ed, too, and taught here and there. Grandma taught. Great-grandma taught, back when a teacher had to be a single woman and she couldn't ride in cars with men other than her brother or father... Both of my in-laws are retired teachers, and their families are similarly peppered with lots and lots of teachers.

And so, when we get together we tend to talk about teaching, especially since Megan and Chuck are teaching now. We got together yesterday for lunch to celebrate Christmas with our dad, and the subject turned (returned) to teaching.

I wanted to put some of my ideas down here... Maybe the right person will come across them, someday. Maybe someone with the power to change things will see what I've written and change things, because things really need to change.

I think the whole problem with education stems from the idea that things must be "fair." For example, Megan was grading ISTEP tests, and a girl had gotten an answer correct, in the written portion of the exam, but had written it in the wrong place. The answer was marked wrong.

I understand the reasoning behind this - if one grader marks it correct, but another marks it incorrect, it's not "fair" so in order to be "fair" all answers must be written on the correct line or they're marked wrong, nevermind whether or not the results are indicative of the child's actual knowledge or ability.

It's right to try to be fair, but there comes a point where being too fair ends up being a disservice to all kids, rather than a service to some.

Hasn't anyone else noticed that our schools have performed inversely with respect to the amount we've relied on standardized tests? In other words, the more and the longer we focus on standardized tests (which are extremely "fair" because all of the answers are either right or wrong), the worse our schools get?

Does it strike anyone else that very few things in life actually have right or wrong answers? That most things worth thinking about come in shades of gray? That we'd be better off teaching our kids how to think, rather than how to memorize, even if one's ability to think is difficult to assess and grade?

Think about it. Facts are everywhere. I can use my cell phone from virtually anywhere to find any fact I'm going to need in a matter of moments. It's virtually useless for me to memorize taxonomy (kingdom, phylum, etc. - which I had to do in Bio 101 in college a few years ago - and now I can't remember a single bit of it), when I can look up whether my cat is a Felis domesticus or not (which I just did, thanks) from anywhere if it comes up. Unless you're planning on making a living by being on Jeopardy, it doesn't much matter. However, teaching kids whether it's more reliable to find that info on wikipedia or on about.com or on Encyclopedia Brittanica's website, teaching them how to think in terms of classifying similar things similarly, maybe giving them a dozen imaginary plants and animals, and having them come up with their own taxonomy for those things based on their characteristics - wouldn't that be more useful to 99% of students (excluding the 1% who are going to go on to be taxonomists, biologists, or maybe veterinarians...)? I think so. But it's harder to make up a dozen creatures/plants and to evaluate a project like that than it is to give a multiple choice (or multiple guess) quiz on the structure of taxonomy, etc. and since taxonomy is part of the state standards at some level, and it's going to be on the ISTEP eventually, the kids have to memorize it, and then promptly forget it a few years later.

We need to let go of this idea of fairness, and allow teachers to subjectively evaluate their students, and to trust them as professionals to give lawmakers and school boards an accurate picture of public education (just as we trust professional doctors to give lawmakers and medical boards an accurate picture of public health) in order for them to do their jobs. Otherwise we end up with generations of kids who are extremely useful for filling in little bubbles with #2 pencils, and not much else.

We need to return to the classical model of education that worked for centuries. We need to teach kids about their culture, through reading the Great Books that Everyone Agrees are Important (Shakespeare et. al.). We need to teach in the Socratic method - through careful questioning and investigation, rather than rote memorization and repetition. We need to teach kids how to THINK instead of how to take tests.

Because since I've been an adult, I've had to think quite a lot, but no one has handed me a #2 pencil and told me to fill in bubbles in a very long time.

We need to teach kids how to write without using text messaging-ese and slang, so that if they ever do have the great good fortune to come up with an original thought, they will then be capable of communicating it to the rest of the world. We need to engage them in a way that makes reading and learning more rewarding than watching TV and playing video games, or surfing the web (and good luck with that).

We need to teach our kids to think scientifically - to look at something, develop a hypothesis, test it, revise the hypothesis based on the results of the test, test it again, revise again, etc. until they come up with a theory that's as close to the truth as we can approximate (remember, gravity is still just a theory...).

We need to teach our kids to be curious. But unfortunately it's hard to grade curiousity, and it's easy to bore them half to death with random facts (many of which are in dispute, anyway, so the schools play it safe by choosing the most boring version possible) which we can then test them on. History, for example, is a necessary pursuit - only when we know our history can we prevent its repetition or something like that, right? Well, I remember studying history in school, and it was BORING. It was usually taught by someone who was much more interested in coaching football than teaching history, and who treated it like a study hall where we read the book aloud to one another and then took quizzes and tests. YAWN. Only as an adult have I realized that there's a lot of good stuff in history - sex and greed and violence, comedy and tragedy, great acts of courage and humanity, coincidences that changed the course of the world... If history had been taught as a fascinating story, rather than a bunch of facts to be memorized, I might have spent less time writing notes to Jenny and more time actually learning.

Most of all, we parents need to realize that until the schools undergo a major sea change, the responsibility for all of this will rest with us, not the teachers.

And we need to go to a full year school curriculum, rather than the archaic agrarian practice of having summers off, so that the teachers don't have to spend the first month and a half of school playing catch up every fall.

Thoughts?

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Kid Wars

To all who have been obsessively hitting "refresh" - I'm still here. I haven't posted since Thursday because I've been spending almost all of my time refereeing fights between my kids. Ah, the gods have senses of humor - just after I post the top 10 parenting rules, my kids have to go and prove to me that I have no freaking idea what I'm doing.

Here's how it went down...

Claire got a really cute Fur Real kitten from her Grandpa Ben for Christmas. It's the one on the left. It meows and purrs and kneads its paws, it is very sweet. Anyway, Mary Grace got about 10,000 presents, so it's not like she got socks and underwear and Claire got everything cool... but of course, MG is obsessed with Claire's kitten.

Claire was playing with it this morning, and MG took it away from her (for the dozenth time). I gave her a time out (again). There was a lot of crying and screaming in the time out (but she was on the step, I guess...). Claire, having the same tender, sweet heart that her daddy has, went over, sat down next to MG, and handed her the kitten... This after a day or three of having stuff taken right out of her hands, of being told, "NOOOOOOOO!!!" when she tried to play with one of the dozen Barbies that MG got, etc.

So what did my darling oldest daughter do when her baby sister handed her the kitty? She stood up, screamed, and hurled it onto the staircase, hitting the vertical part of a step about two feet up. The kitty bounced down the stairs and stopped working.

I went ballistic. I walked over and grabbed her by the arms, turned her around, and shouted at her. I'm not proud of this, but I was honestly livid. "Claire was trying to be NICE, she wanted you to feel better, and she gave you her kitty? And what did you do? You BROKE it! You are acting like a horrible brat, and I am sick. of. it. The next time you take something away from Claire, two princess Barbies are going in the garage, do you HEAR me? And if that kitty is broken, you are going to buy Claire a new one with your own money, now GO TO YOUR ROOM!"

I have never sent her to her room before, but I seriously wanted to tan her hide, and it was safest for both of us that she get as far away from me as possible at that moment.

Fortunately, the kitty wasn't broken. After about 5 minutes I got a very weepy Mary Grace down from her room, and we sat and talked. I told her that I would take her to buy a kitty just like Claire's with her piggy bank money, and that I was sorry I lost my temper. She apologized to me, and to Claire, and was honestly better for most of the rest of the day.

Of course the entire universe is sold out of that kitty, so we had to get one for her online.

It wouldn't be so hard if Claire were giving it back to MG as good as she gets, but Claire doesn't have a mean or selfish bone in her body. She doesn't want to take MG's stuff, she wants to play with her. She wants to be like MG, and liked by MG, and it just breaks my heart when MG spits in her eye instead. It makes that defensive streak that every mom has come out in me, and even though MG is just as much mine as Claire, I want to spank the snot right out of her.

I know it's normal. I know it's abnormal for Claire, at her age, to be capable of playing with MG - she should still be doing "parallel play," but she's socially advanced - probably due to having an older sister. I know it's normal for MG to think "what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine..." I know it's normal for siblings to fight - I fought with mine and the three of us are extremely close today. But it makes me nuts. I have a very hard time following my own advice to "stay calm" and "avoid a battle of wills" when it comes to kid vs. kid evilness. Do we have to buy two of everything until they're a certain age?

I think we're strung out (like a broken strand of lights) on the holidays at this point. We're out of our routine, we're strung out on sugar and carbs, we're spoiled with new toys... We're in desperate need of getting back to normal around here, and I know we aren't the only ones. Don't get me wrong, we've had a super Christmas season, with minimal holiday-induced-insanity on my part, and lots of family and friends and food and fun... But I think we've had enough. As with most things, if you have too much merriness eventually it'll make you a little sick.