No Good Deed

I woke up with a migraine yesterday and then Jack came down with a tummy bug after his nap (he threw up all over our poor neighbor, Cami).  He was violently sick to his stomach for about six hours, and had a slight fever.  He seems to have moved to the lower GI portion of the virus today, thank goodness, but we're laying low.  You would not believe the pile of laundry I have to do, even after sending the comforter out for cleaning (my machine just isn't big enough to clean it properly).

Sweet Monica sent me a text a few minutes ago and said, "Are you home?" and when I replied in the affirmative she dropped a treat from Starbucks on my porch (some amazing cranberry and white chocolate - OMG).

I waved and sent a thank you text, and a moment later got a text back that said:

I am not kidding.  We hit (the main road a couple blocks away) and Evana started throwing up.  You are Typhoid Mary.

It would be funny if it weren't tragic.  No good deed goes unpunished.  Sorry Monica!  Sorry Evana!  Hope you feel better.  If not, I'll do a drive by Starbucksing for you tomorrow!

Holy Moley!

Wikimedia Commons

Yesterday, Monica and her kids were here, and so was my wonderful neighbor girl who has been entertaining my children all summer.  The kids were playing outside, and Monica and I were inside talking, when the kids started screaming.  Someone came in and said, "Penny's got a mole!!"

"Yeah, right," I thought.

We live near the ravine that runs down to the river, our neighbors' yards back up to it but since we're on the corner ours doesn't.  We have all kinds of wildlife in this neighborhood.  This mole has been screwing up our yard for a couple of years, now.  We tried solar repellers like this, back when we still cared about being humane.  BJ finally got serious and bought a mole guillotine, and we thought we'd killed the little bastard.

Until yesterday.

Penny has dug up half the yard, especially around the edges of the patio and the house, trying to get at the stupid mole, so I was dubious that she had actually managed to catch it as I walked outside (wearing a dress and sandals and with nothing in or on my hands to catch the mole with, because I'm an idiot).  But sure enough, there she was, carrying an enormous mole around in her mouth.

I screamed.  The kids screamed.  Monica screamed, "What do I do?  What do I do?" and I was like, "I don't know!" because no one said anything about this in any of the parenting classes we took at the hospital.  There really are many topics they could cover, including, "How to Not Traumatize Your Kids With Wildlife."

I called BJ, but he had ridden his bike to work that day so it would've taken him 20 minutes to get home.  As I was calling him, Penny was trotting proudly around the yard with the mole hanging out of her mouth.  The kids were still screaming, and I was still hysterical, so it took him a while to figure out what was happening.  He agreed to come home.  I told him I'd try to catch the mole in the meantime.

I went into the garage and got a shovel and a plastic bucket.  These tools were grossly inadequate.  My first idea was to try to get Penny to drop the mole into the bucket.  That didn't work at all.  Then she put it down I tried covering the mole with the bucket, but I quickly realized that the mole would just dig into the ground and continue to destroy our yard if I did that.  I would have just bashed its head in with the shovel, except for the seven kids in the yard who would have thought I was a monster and had nightmares for the rest of their lives if I had.  That, and I was still wearing sandals and I didn't really want mole guts on my feet.  Also, I'm a wimp.

Penny continued to toy with the mole, I think she's part cat, dropping it and picking it back up.  She'd let it start to burrow into the ground and she'd grab it by the butt and trot around some more with it in her mouth.  I kept hoping that she'd shake her head and break its neck.  A couple of times it went stiff and I thought she had killed it, but no such luck.

Finally, after what seemed like hours but was probably only a few minutes, she dropped it near the patio and let it get away.  We spent some time encouraging her to get him back, but no such luck  The mole was gone.

I called BJ to let him know we'd missed the chance to kill the mole.  Then I called the vet to see if I could get a ringworm preventative, because Cinders (the dog we had before kids) had gotten ringworm from sticking his nose in mole holes, but the vet said there was nothing we could do, other than wait and treat it if she comes down with it.  Eeeww.

Of course, the first thing she did when I finally let her back in the house last night was lick me.  Ugh.

I couldn't write about this until now because I went to bed right after dinner last night.  I'd had enough, and I have a sinus infection which makes breathing a lot of work.  I guess I snored like a tractor all night long.  BJ's a lucky guy.

You're glad we never call

Almost every time I have ever been to Grammaland, I've felt guilty because there was someone (or a lot of someones, usually) who I've wanted to see but haven't had time to see while we were there.

This time, I have a different sort of guilt.  This time I feel guilty because the people we saw got our horrible pukey flu.

Poor Ian was up all night with it, and Kathryn came down with it today.  Stu has the biggest conference of the year for his industry this week, and Kelly has her exit exams for nursing school tomorrow, so it's the perfect time for all of them to get sick, right?

Thank God we didn't see my 36 weeks pregnant sister!  

I have never seen anything like this thing. You get exposed, and between one (Mary Grace) and 4 (Claire) days later you're vomiting, and then 5 days after you vomit you get diarrhea.  What the hell??  And it's not just a little queasiness or a little bit of the runs, oh no.  It's the waking-up-already-throwing-up kind.  It's the can't-make-it kind.  And the body aches that went with it, I've never felt anything like that.  Even now, a full week after I had the vomiting, everything still tastes weird - metallic and salty.  (Facebook thinks I'm pregnant.  Facebook needs to stop saying very scary words to me.)  

If you've been anywhere near me, or my husband, or my kids, or my dad, or my aunt Kathryn and Uncle Stu, or Ian and Kelly, or Monica, Craig, and their kids in the past 10 days, call your doctor and get a prescription for compazine right now.  Because this thing is coming for you, and it is ugly.  

It needs a name so that the news people can talk about it.  What are we going to call it?  

Oh my gosh, y'all, so I paused there to do a little research and I googled things like "gastroenteritis outbreak 2012" and whatnot - apparently there was a recent norovirus outbreak in Fort Wayne, Indiana, which is interesting, but anyway, I found the most hilarious icon I have ever seen in my life - are you ready for this?

http://barfblog.foodsafety.ksu.edu/barfblog - proving that there really is a blog for everything

BWAHAHAHHAHA!  

It's either laugh or cry.

Kelly - print that out and stick it on the front door!!  

Not Quite Enough

Yesterday when I picked Claire up from school she felt warm, looked pale, and seemed kind of puny.  Rather than get her things together to leave, she just wanted to snuggle and hide her face in my armpit.  I was shocked when I got home and took her temperature (twice!) and it was normal.  (I think my thermometer might be broken.  Actually, I am developing a strong distrust for thermometers in general, because none of mine seem to work - whether they're for people or for meat or for the crock pot.  What's up with that?)

She went down to Grandpa's with cookies and stopped briefly at home before going with her sister to play at the neighbor's.  She acted fine.  I figured that maybe she had just been too hot.  Maybe they had just come in from the playground and she left her coat on too long and that was why she felt warm.  Maybe it was just a fluke.

Then I picked her up today at 11:40ish, and the teacher said, "We took her temperature at 11:10 and it was 101, but we knew you were already on your way to get Mary Grace so we didn't call you."  I told them I'd keep her home tomorrow, just to be sure she's ok.  I felt guilty for sending her to school (and grandpa's, and the neighbor's!) sick, but she hadn't acted sick at all, except for a few moments when I picked her up yesterday.

I brought her home, made her soup and hot tea, changed her into her pajamas, and she has been driving everyone insane ever since.

She's just sick enough that she can't go to school tomorrow, but she's not sick enough to stop fighting with her sister.  She's sick enough to be whiny and screamy, but not sick enough to hush up already and go to sleep before she drives us all crazy.

Mary Grace just said, and I quote, "Claire, you need a nap!"

I think it's better to get sick all at once and, most importantly, to have to go to bed, rather than drawing it out into several days-worth of being sort of well but not quite, but too sick to go anywhere or do anything.  I would gladly sit on the couch and snuggle and read books and rub her back, if she would just sit still and quit whining.

Of course, now that I've had the audacity to write down, "I wish my kid would get just a little bit sicker," she's going to start projectile vomiting or get chicken pox or something really impressive.  And then the other two will start, too, and by this time next week I'll be up to my elbows in vomit and/or calamine lotion, wanting to come back in time to this very moment and hit myself over the head with something large and heavy.

I should probably go bash myself in the head, on behalf of my future self, just to be safe.

Awesome

Now I have it too.  The minor sore throat, low fever, headache, body ache thing I had this week turned ugly yesterday.  Higher fever, bad cough, chills...  I've been up since about 4:30 with various kids, and I decided to stay up and drink some hot tea, instead of going right back to bed.

But if I have to get it to produce the antibodies to protect Jack, then I'll take it.

How on earth do people manage to deal when they, or their kids, are really ill?  I know this will pass, and that keeps me going.  I guess when it's bad you deal because you don't have a choice.  One foot in front of the other.  What else can anyone do?

A friend of mine had a baby on 12/29, and she's in the hospital with RSV.  It seems like everyone on Facebook has at least one sick kid.  But it could be worse, it could always be worse, and so even in the midst of it, I'm grateful.

MG's Results

The CT scan was negative for appendicitis - the doctor said that her symptoms were probably caused by the urinary tract infection that she has, but to keep an eye on it.  (Yes, I feel a tiny bit better knowing that the ER doctor saw enough of what I saw to test for it, but mostly I'm just glad she doesn't need surgery).

The bad news is that she has Influenza A, and she needs to stay away from Jack until she is symptom-free for 24 hours without fever reducers - which will be about two weeks from now.  Influenza A can be fatal in infants, so, yeah.

I have no idea how we're going to manage this...  Thank goodness we're self-employed. 

See you in March or so....

ER

Mary Grace was fine this morning.  When I picked her up from school, her teacher said that she had been really tired.  Odd, because she stayed in bed all night for the first time in months last night.

When I got her home her temperature was around 101.  She slept on the couch a little while.  She didn't want anything to eat and wouldn't drink much.  She didn't want medicine, so I didn't push it. 

At 1:30 her temp was 103.5.  Then I got a little more serious.  I started quizzing her about her symptoms, but she said that just her tummy hurt.  I gave her some ibuprofen for the fever, then I asked her, "Is your tummy ache sharp or is it dull?" 

"It just hurts, Mommy."

"Does it feel hot or squeezy?"

"It just hurts."

After 30 minutes her temp was only down to 102.7, so I called the doctor's office.  The triage nurse said she could be seen by the doctor at 3:30, or we could take her to the ER.

"What would you do?"

"Well, if it is her appendix, you'll want to be in the ER."

So I called BJ and had him come home to take her.  Of course, of course, by the time he got there the ibuprofen had kicked in, and her temp was down to 99.  She's slept the whole time they've been there, which is extremely unusual for her.  The nurse at the ER says it doesn't look like appendicitis, but they were still waiting on the doctor when BJ called a half hour ago.

The hardest part, for me, and I know it's not all about me but it's my blog, damnit...  The hardest part for me is that I'm not there.  An ER is no place for a newborn, and I would have had to take Jack (he's exclusively breastfed, and I can't pump).  Honestly, BJ is better at this sort of thing, anyway.  He stays calm and doesn't make big scared eyes when they bring out the needles like I do.  Claire is driving me insane (she doesn't know what to do with herself when MG's not around) and I'm so worried (what if it's pneumonia?).  I'm relieved that it's not her appendix, but I feel a little stupid for sending them to the ER now.  I guess BJ joked with the nurse about taking away my internet connection. 

Parenting is hard.  If I hadn't called the doctor's office and it had been her appendix, I'd feel stupid AND I might have a really sick kid on my hands, so I'd rather feel dumb with a kid who doesn't need surgery.  And I'd rather feel dumb ...........

Holy shit - BJ just called and the doctor IS worried about her appendix, so they're doing a CT scan.

I liked it better when I was wrong.  Oh God.

Zone Defense

First, a couple more cute stories:

During a particularly grouchy diaper change, I stuck my pinkie in Jack's mouth to soothe him.  I told the girls that they couldn't stick their pinkies in his mouth (fearing that they'd do it with less-than-clean hands) because Mommy's pinkies are special.

"Mommy," Claire said, "do your pinkies make milk too?"

***

Grandpa:  Mary Grace, how long did it take you and Daddy to make that giant snowman?

Mary Grace:  I don't know, I can't tell time.

***

Well, I guess that, "...and then everything was fine," would be a boring story.  Claire came down with a stomach flu last night.  We brought the kids downstairs and BJ slept in the family room with Claire (good thing we have two couches in there now!) while I slept in our room with MG and Jack.  Loft beds are fun, except when someone's puking, and if we'd left MG upstairs alone she would've spazzed.  She was up most of the night, anyway, even before her sister got sick.  By some miracle I slept from about 5:30 until 9:45, so I'm feeling a little more rested.  Unfortunately, I was up almost constantly from 1:30 until 5:30. 

I frantically called the doctor once we got everyone settled at 5 am (luckily our doctor was on call), and he reassured me that I didn't need to take the baby to a hotel.  BJ wanted me to take Jack to my mom's today, but I don't want to drive that far alone with him, and I don't want to pack up all our gear, and if we go to Grammaland everyone's going to want to see him, which will expose him to more germs than if we just stay home, and if he does get sick, I don't want to be 90 minutes from our doctor... so instead we've quarantined ourselves in my room and his room while the girlies and BJ are in the family room.  The girls have been bickering a little more the last hour or so, so Claire must be feeling better.

I'll tell you what, it KILLED me to tell her I couldn't snuggle with her.  Poor baby.  I know Daddy's taking good care of her, but it was so hard to say, "I can't give you what you need, because I have to stay healthy for your brother."  I did go in for a quick cuddle right before I changed my clothes, then I washed my hands for like 20 minutes.

(aside)
Daytime TV sucks.

So I'm working on thank you notes and laundry and wrapping gifts today (of that list, so far I've managed two whole thank you notes!).  Maybe this is the universe's way of making sure that I rest.  The last couple of days have been pretty busy and tiring, between visitors and getting ready for Christmas.  But today I've pretty much been in bed with my baby, and if I weren't so worried about all my little ones, it would almost be nice.

Frightful Weather!

My bonus mom, my siblings, and their significant others were supposed to come down from Grammaland today, but couldn't because of the weather. 

Claire is all worried because she thinks they can't come down because of a lizard.  Hahaha!

MG seems to be coming down sick, so it's probably for the best.

Nothing goes according to plan.

No Big Thing

Well, that was manageable!

Scarlet fever sounds like a big freaking deal, especially when you've read a lot of books set in the 19th century, but it really wasn't.  We treated the itching with Benadryl (orally) and Calamine lotion (externally), the fever with Tylenol and Motrin, and the infection with antibiotics.  Two days later, and she's fine.  We didn't even have to take all her toys out back and burn them. 

I think we tend to forget how lucky we are to live in a time of abundant and accessible medicine.  We get so caught up in the health care crisis (and believe me, with as much as our health insurance costs - more than our mortgage - there's no doubt that it's a crisis!) that we forget how very very lucky we are that we don't have to sit and wait for our children to die of simple infections.  100 years ago, they didn't even have Tylenol.  The best you could do for your sick kid was to liquor (or coke!) 'em up and hope for the best.  There was no FDA to make sure that whatever snake oil you were giving your kids was even safe.  But I can easily imagine that trying something would've been preferable to doing nothing.

Parents then didn't love their children any less than we love our kids now.  They weren't less attached to them.  The only insulation they may have had against the heartbreak that would come from losing a child was that it was such a common experience back then.  Walk through any old cemetery and you'll see dozens and dozens of tiny headstones with a single date on them, or with a horribly short span between two dates. 

And here we are, a century later, and parents can and do elect to refuse vaccinations that our great-grandparents couldn't have imagined, and would have given anything to have for their kids.  We've never seen an iron lung, and if we see a kid with leg braces or in a wheelchair, it's unusual.  Few people walk around with scarred skin or rotten teeth.  And while children still die young, it's a rare and unexpected tragedy.  I've heard so many people say, "Parents shouldn't outlive their kids," when someone dies young, but the truth is that up until quite recently in human history, it was actually more common for parents to lose a kid or two (or several) than not.

Geez, for a post that started off with "everything's fine!" this has gotten awfully maudlin.  But this is what I'm thinking about today.  I'm thinking about how lucky we are that we can run out to the store and grab a bottle of Tylenol or an antibiotic for a couple bucks.  I'm thinking about how sad it is that not everyone in our modern world enjoys the same access to medicine that we do.  And I'm wondering what kinds of advancements the next 100 years will bring.  That will really be something...

Frankly Scarlet....

I wrote yesterday that Mary Grace was sick.  She slept through the night last night and woke up fairly perky, so I thought we'd seen the worst of it (the worst being 102.6 degree fevers twice yesterday).  Well, you can imagine how long that lasted...

Grandpa Bob came over this morning bright and early after he got off work, had pancakes, and looked at her throat.  He said it looked bad, but to give it another day since she was doing so much better than yesterday.  If you don't have a nurse in your family you really should get one, it's very convenient!  After he left and I got Claire and BJ out the door, I remembered that it's Friday and that I've had profoundly bad experiences with urgent care, and her fever was starting to spike again, so I decided to call and get a same-day-sick appointment.  This was at 9 am.  I spoke to Annette (LOVE her - if your doctor's office doesn't have an Annette, you should get one, but you can't have mine!) and when I told her what was going on, with the white spots on the tonsils, she said, "Yeah, we have a 10:00, you should bring her in."

"Well," I said, "As long as no one cares that I haven't had a shower..."

Turns out I had just enough time to get showered, so at about 9:15 I left MG on the couch watching Phineas and Ferb while I ran upstairs.  By the time I got back downstairs (fully dressed) at 9:30 (becoming a mother has made me hyper-efficient with personal hygiene), she was covered in a red, bumpy, itchy rash.  It came on so fast!  It was especially bad around her belly button, on her neck and shoulders, and her wrists.

At that point I was thinking, "I'm SO glad we already have a doctor's appointment!"  I threw clothes on her, put her in the car, and away we went. 

"You're welcome."

Her throat was so classically strep-looking that Dr. M didn't even do a culture (she cried a lot when I told her what they were going to do - she was afraid they'd drop the swab down her throat, poor baby).  In addition to strep throat, she also has Scarlet Fever (!!!) which was a big deal before antibiotics (see also: The Velveteen Rabbit, and Little Women) but apparently is no big thing now that we have abundant antibiotics to choose from.  (It still sounds scary, though.)

Thank Fleming!

It turns out that Scarlet Fever is a skin manifestation of the strep infection, which means that the infection in her throat is already in her systemically, which means that there's a greater risk of it going to her heart or her kidneys, so we're treating it aggressively.  He assured me that she should be much better by Sunday, and that she could even return to school Monday assuming that her fever stays down.

We waited at the doctor's office for her urinalysis to come back (negative for a UTI, hooray!).  I'll tell you what, I've had to do a clean-catch urine sample with MG twice now, and it's no fun for anybody.  "Mom, this is GROSS!" she said.  I had to agree.

Odds are that one of us, probably Claire, will have caught this by Sunday.

And then I'll become real.

It took forever to spend $80 at the pharmacy on various medicines and creams to try to keep her comfortable.  We were mainly waiting on her antibiotic.  I think they had to go out back and culture it themselves.  Then my order rang up incorrectly - the vitamins I got for the dog (whole 'nother story) didn't ring up buy one get one free - so I had to talk to the manager to get a refund.  All told, we were gone for 2-1/2 hours which is a ridiculously long time when you're little and you're sick, but she hung in like a trooper.  I guess the Oreo Blizzard didn't hurt.

It has been an exceptionally long day, and it's only 1:30.  I think I'm going to try to sneak in a nap.

Fever

It's approaching 4 am.  I've been awake off and on all night - mostly on since about 2:30.  I hear a thud and then shuffling, unsteady footsteps on the floor upstairs.  Someone's up, and something sounds wrong.

Seconds later, before I can even heave myself to my left side and get out of the bed, I hear crying.  "Mommy," she says, "Mommy, I'm sick."  She crawls into bed with me, warm as toast.  Too warm.  101 warm. 

Tylenol, of course, and some water.  We make a cozy nest on the couch so that BJ can go back to sleep and we won't wake Claire.

"Shhhh... I'm here, I'll stay with you." 

It's quiet, and I can feel her relax into me.  Half an hour later, I feel the fever break, and hear her breathing change from a fast pant to the comfortable pace that indicates a normal body temperature.  I relax a bit and try to get comfortable enough, half sitting, to sleep. 

I close my eyes and think about how weird it is that I feel most like a "real mother" when my kids are sick - when I can offer them the unique comfort of my body - my cold hands on their warm foreheads, a gentle backrub, a cuddle.  I wonder if it's weird that a part of me enjoys these moments, even as my heart breaks over their discomfort.  I wonder if it's strange to be the tiniest bit grateful for the excuse to slow down, clear the calendar, and just be quietly together in our jammies watching cartoons and sipping tea for a day or two. 

She shifts and moans a little in her sleep, and even though I know she won't hear me, I whisper, "It's ok, Mommy's here."

***


Baby update:  At 32 weeks I've gained only 15 pounds (4 of those in the last week - time to lay off the cheese balls!).  Blood pressure was awesome.  Baby's heart rate was around 130.  I had blood drawn a couple of days ago to check my liver, and the hepatic panel looked great.  The bile salts test won't be back for a few more days.  Everything looks awesome, and the anxiety is a lot better than it was before.

A Bad Thing?

Claire had a cough this morning and no appetite.  We took her temperature as a precaution, but it was normal, so we took her to preschool.  I mentioned to one of her teachers that she had a cough, but no fever.  She said it was going around, and I agreed.  After all, you can't keep them home for every little sniffle.

Two and a half hours later I'm standing in front of the school, finishing up a call with my mom, when another mom comes out of the school, "Your little girl has a fever," she says.  I hang up with my mom and open the school door to find Claire in the arms of the school's director, sobbing.  Claire was sobbing, that is.  The director was fine.  "We would've called you, but we just took her temp 10 minutes ago, and we knew you were on your way.  It's 102," she said, "She says her tummy hurts."

I felt like the worst mom!  They dismissed Mary Grace from her class and I hustled everyone home.  Claire spit up, and I'm still not sure if it was vomit or just snot.  She had this wet, rattling cough.  She cried a lot until I got some Tylenol into her.  Once the fever came down she perked up quite a bit.  She even ate some noodles and drank some tea.

So I called the doctor's office to get the dose for Children's Dimetapp (because EVERYTHING says "under 6 years - do not use!" now, which is SO ANNOYING).  The doctor's office recommended that I use Children's Robitussin instead.  I had adult Robitussin DM, but not Children's Robitussin without letters, so I sent BJ to the store (hooray for Daddy's office being 10 minutes from home!).  Turns out that both are 100 mg per teaspoon of Guaifensin.  *sigh*  The DM means it also has some other unspellable stuff in it - dextromethospanaquawarble...  maybe that's what's bad for little kids.

The nurse told me to only give her 1/4 - 1/2 tsp, and to beware - it would knock her out.

"You say that like it's a bad thing," I said. 

I'm going to start writing my speech for Mother of the Year now.

Better

I woke up slowly this morning, and took inventory. 

Stomach = not rolling.

Cough = quieter.

Nose = still not perfect, but not as miserable as before.

Aches & pains = not so bad.

And I let go of the breath I'd been holding, and came downstairs to look for food.

Yesterday was pretty miserable.  I felt queasy Saturday night.  I was able to sleep (hooray Benadryl!) but I woke up still queasy.  I had a piece of toast and a little coffee for breakfast.  I tried to hold very still for most of the morning.  I couldn't finish my lunch of leftover beef stroganoff.  I realized mid-afternoon that I'd have to cancel dinner with my aunt and uncle who were coming down from Grammaland.  It was a good thing I did, too, because the queasiness got a lot more real around 4 pm, if you know what I mean.

Right after I got sick I got pretty scared, "This isn't good for the baby!  I need to call the midwife!!"  (Funny how these things always happen on the weekend...)  But BJ calmly reminded me that plenty of women are sick through their entire pregnancies, and their babies turn out fine.  One day isn't going to matter, much, in the great scheme of things.  Of course he was right.  What would I do without him?  No one else can calm me down the way he can.  

After that, I stayed upstairs, mainly to prevent transmission to the kids if I could.  BJ brought hot tea (no sense puking on an empty stomach, and I was trying to stay hydrated), and my favorite movie.  I laid in bed, wide awake, but trying to stay very still.  I listened intently to the baby, making sure I felt an acceptable number of lumps and bumps from my little ninja.


The kids were fantastic.  They stayed downstairs with Daddy all day and didn't bother me at all while I was resting.  When did they get so big?

At some point I put all my symptoms into WebMD and it told me that I might be pregnant.  Uhhhh... thanks.  Hahah!

Anyway, we'll probably still take it easy today, just to be cautious.  But things are looking up.

Vampire Virus, Part Deux (New Moon?)

I caught the vampire virus from Claire.  It's no big surprise.  The trouble is that I can't think of anything to write about that isn't whining.  

If you don't normally read the comments, then you missed the last time I was actually funny.  Maggie said that she didn't think there was a germ or illness that could live for two days on plastic teeth.   I replied, in the comments, "Maggie, it's a VAMPIRE virus!  They're immortal!!"

I'll be here all week, try the veal.

The bad news is that, like Bella's mutant half-human half-vampire baby in that stupid book, this virus grows really quickly.  I was absolutely fine on Sunday...  We had people over, I cleaned out some closets...  By the time we put the kids to bed I was feeling a little crummy, but I thought it was probably just from the dust in the closets.  A few hours later when we went to bed it was clear that I was really sick.

I saw my doctor yesterday and he gave me a Z-pack.  He's concerned about it going deeper into my lungs, which would be bad with the pregnancy.  Any infection carries a risk of preterm labor, which is not something we want to mess with, especially at only 21 weeks.  He said it's probably viral, so the antibiotics probably won't do any good, but at least they'll (hopefully) prevent further infection.

The good news is that I talked the nurse into getting rid of the plastic vampire teeth when the doctor wasn't looking.  Mooo-wah-hah-hah!

The other good news is that Baby Gozer is still kicking away in there, and other than a few elbows to my liver, to indicate that s/he is not at all thrilled with all the coughing, s/he doesn't seem phased by the vampire virus.

Hopefully his or her teeth won't be unusually pointy.

Revenge Of The Easter Bunny

Things I have learned today:

• You are not a mean parent for taking the candy away. 
• When your kid says she has a stomach ache after a major candy consuming holiday, listen.
• When both of your kids say they have stomach aches after a major candy consuming holiday, do not plan an outing.
• Do not, I repeat, do not ever try to force your kid to eat lunch on the day after a major candy eating holiday.
• They'll make you regret that you said, "if you don't eat that we can't go to the museum."  Oh yes, they will.
• The ability to reliably aim for a bowl is a more important skill than being potty trained.  
• If you have a stomach upheaval while on the road, go through a KFC drive-through and beg for a couple of empty buckets.  
• Preferably unused, because the smell of KFC is nauseating enough on its own.  Seriously, Indianapolis KFC - have you ever been cleaned?
• Laying blankets under sick children is a good way to avoid having to wash the sheets every time they miss.
• You'll still end up doing three loads of laundry, minimum, for every six hours of illness.
• Stomach upheaval is excellent for the diet.
• Having Easter candy lying around is not.
• Netflix "Watch Instantly" is proof that BJ is brilliant, because he made it possible for us to watch Netflix on the TV in the bedroom.

You get three posts today, so enjoy it, because I'm probably going to have the stomach flu by morning.  You might want to actually save this one and read it tomorrow or Wednesday, just so you don't miss me.

PS - BJ drove through a tornado warning on his way to the show he went to tonight.  He's fine, but his car apparently took severe damage from the hail.  I guess it looks like (and sounded like) someone was driving golf balls into the roof of the car.  Because, you know, we needed one more thing today. 

PPS - I've lived in Indiana my ENTIRE life - and I've been through an actual tornado - and I still can't remember the difference between a watch and a warning, and which one is worse.  I think they need to change it from "watch" means one is possible and "warning" means one has been sighted (or vice versa - seriously, I have no idea) to something intuitive, like a tornado "maybe" and a tornado "take cover!"  Wouldn't that be more sensible?

PPPS - Also, while we're changing big things, daylight saving time is bullshit and should be stopped immediately.

I've Noticed Something Rant-Worthy About Food

Have I run this topic into the ground yet?  Yes, I'm about to talk about the diet again... Sorry.  I still have kids, but we're all sick (head cold) and whiny and not at all interesting today (although Mary Grace was reading books to Claire for a while earlier, which was super cute, and BJ made the astute observation that Mary Grace is the only person that Claire will sit still and listen to books with - she has no patience whatsoever for Mom and Dad's reading...)

Anyway, I have recently noticed something about food.  If there are two types of a thing...  Let's say, potatoes - you've got regular potatoes and sweet potatoes, right?  If there are two types of a thing, the LEAST nutritious one is almost always the most popular one, or at least the most readily available one, in the U.S.

When was the last time you saw sweet potato fries at a fast food restaurant?

Or whole wheat buns?

Or honey sweetened soda instead of sugar sweetened soda?

Or sugar sweetened soda instead of high fructose corn syrup sweetened soda?

It's almost like we're trying to kill ourselves.

Think about all the different natural, caloric sweeteners there are.  Sugar, brown (raw) sugar, molasses, honey, agave nectar, (brown) rice syrup, maple syrup, date sugar... Almost every last one of the natural, caloric sweeteners has SOME kind of nutritional or health benefit to offer .....  except for the one that is readily available - plain, white sugar.  (Don't even get me started on artificial sweeteners right now).

Honey will soothe a sore throat, raw sugar contains trace amounts of minerals, rice syrups can be easier on your blood sugar levels than white sugar, maple syrup (the real stuff, not the fake stuff you generally find - and the fact that the real stuff is hard to find and expensive just proves my point again!) contains zinc and manganese....  Are you with me here?  We have so many different kinds of sweeteners available, and yet the one that is omnipresent is the one that's the worst for us.

It's the same with flour.  I dare you to find a loaf of bread that doesn't contain "enriched wheat flour" (or high fructose corn syrup for that matter).  It's nearly impossible! 

We eat the whitest, blandest, most refined, least nutritious versions of almost everything. 

Even apples.  Go to the store.  Those Red Delicious things are lovely, but they have no flavor.  But they're everywhere!  You can find them, year round, at any grocery store in the country.  (My sister didn't even realize that she liked apples until I introduced her to Honeycrisps.)  Why do we continue to buy shitty apples??  Real apples taste good.  Mass produced apples that are so bad that they have to assert their own deliciousness and that are trucked from a zillion miles away taste like cardboard, and they're less nutritious!

Does anyone else think it's ironic that we have to add chemicals (like MSG) to food to make it taste better, because it's made with white flour and white potatoes and white sugar and high fructose corn syrup and crappy produce like Red "Delicious" apples (assuming there is any actual produce in it at all!), when we could save ourselves the trouble of adding the chemicals AND the expense to our health if we just ate real, better quality food?

I love convenience as much as anyone - and I will admit that it has been years since I baked my own bread (and when I did, it was made with white flour and white sugar, anyway), and that tonight I cracked open a can of chicken noodle soup (with white flour noodles and assorted chemicals) for dinner...  I will admit that I would rather BUY cheese than MAKE cheese, and that lately I've even been eating Fat Free Kraft Singles, and who knows what futuristic space mutant chemicals I'm eating when I eat those!

But for God's sake, doesn't it seem ridiculous, in a country where everyone seems to be struggling with weight, that we're eating nothing but garbage, that we're consistently eating the least nutritious of our choices across the board?  We have built an entire culture on the over-abundance of low quality food.

It has to stop.  We have to start demanding better.  We need to move to a culture of high quality food.  If we do, even if it's just in our own families, I'll bet we'll find ourselves satisfied with less food (because it's of higher quality).  I'll even bet we could cure a lot of the health problems that face us in the U.S. (obesity, heart disease, depression, maybe even infertility and stuff that isn't as obviously linked to food...  cancer?) if we stop eating tons and tons of junk, and start eating reasonable portions of healthy, nutritious food.  Real food - not this chemical crap that we've been fooling ourselves into calling food for years.

Where did it start?  With the TV dinner?  The vitamin pill?  When women left the home and entered the workforce?  No, I refuse to blame this on working mothers.  I think it's just been a perfect storm of societal influences - mass media bringing us commercials for chain restaurants - which increases the demand for chain restaurants, women going to work, factory farming, the supply chain for food getting longer and longer, attention spans getting shorter and shorter, TV dinners, cake mixes....  All of it has conspired to make us feel 1) inept in and intimidated by the kitchen, 2) that our time is too "valuable" to waste in the kitchen, 3) that we "deserve" to go out for dinner (where we eat gargantuan portions, because this chain restaurant has to entice you more than that chain restaurant, so they'll feed you as much as possible for the lowest possible price), 4) that convenience food is as healthy if not healthier than anything we could cook from scratch (it's Enriched!  and Fortified!!)...

We have got to be smarter than that if we want to live.

Oh dear.  I just re-read this and I'm totally ranting.  You can tell when I use lots of italics and exclamation points, not to mention the poor abused parentheses.  We'll blame the fever, ok?  I'm really very sick, here, and not at all in my right mind. 

But seriously, we can do better.  We can do better for our kids.  But I have to get better, first.  Right now we're living on canned soup and tea.  It's bleak, folks.  It's bleak.

At least it's green tea (healthy) and not black (abundant), with honey (marginally healthy) and not white sugar (not even a little bit healthy).  Baby steps.

Inconvenient

I have a cold.  I am very put out about it.  I'm trying not to whine, because it could be so much worse - there are people out there with actual diseases, who would be delighted if their biggest health problem was a cold.  But damnit!  This is an inconvenient time to get sick!!  I was doing so well with "phase 3," but I honestly think I'd die if I got on the elliptical with this cold (exercise induced asthma... and besides, even if I didn't have that, I can't breathe without coughing).  I haven't exercised in a couple days, now, and I know that with every day that passes, it's going to be harder to get back on.  All the progress I made!  I could spit.

The kids are bored.  They have a little sniffle, but they're past the worst of it.  I can't even really read them books because my throat hurts.  BJ probably has it, too, but he's being stoic, as usual. 

No one is going to the doctor unless we start bleeding from our eyes, because I'm sick to death of paying $25 to hear, "It's a virus, it'll be 2 weeks if we treat it, 14 days if we don't.  Keep doing what you're doing..." 

Now watch, we'll all have pneumonia or something...  Murphy's Law of Co-Pay Avoidance?

I managed to go to work yesterday and get stuff done, mainly because the kids were at home with Allison so I knew I wouldn't be able to rest any if I left work, anyway.  My Facebook friends and I decided that we need to open "nap boutiques" for busy parents - where you can check in for a couple of hours and have a nap while someone else watches your kids.  Wouldn't that be nice?  Kind of like a "by the hour" motel, but less seedy. 

And without the vibrating beds...

Anyway, the forecast today is frustrated, congested, and not at all happy about it.  I'm on a soup and tea diet until further notice.  If I feel really ambitious later, I'm going to try to fold the laundry that's been upstairs waiting for me for days.  Maybe I'll try to vacuum, since Allison cleaned the toyroom (LOVE Allison - I wish I could clone her and give her to all my mommy friends for Christmas).  Or maybe I'll just sit here and read trashy romance novels on my Kindle all day...

Happy Flu Year

We were going to have a couple friends over tonight to watch movies, but instead 2010 will find us quarantined in the PB house, with a sick kiddo. I knew we couldn't get through the entire holiday season without someone getting sick! Mary Grace was up with the stomach flu all night, and now has a fever of 102.5+ (she wouldn't let me hold the thermometer in her armpit any longer than that, but it was still rising).

We hid out last year, too, because we'd been exposed to a stomach bug and we were certain we were going to come down with it. New Years just isn't our night the last few years. If we're not sick, we have a baby and I'm asleep by 10 pm, or I'm pregnant and "Sleeping Beauty tired" as BJ says. Maybe when they're older we'll get our party back on.

Have fun tonight. Be safe. Happy New Year!

What do you do for pink eye?

I have a question.

Claire has pink eye. Even though pink eye is stupid*, I've always kept the kids home/stayed home with them when they have it, because it's so contagious. The websites I've consulted say that you have to stay home 3-5 days for viral and 24 hours for bacterial pink eye (or 24 hours into the antibiotic drops, I guess, which would make you no-longer-contagious).

The doctor said that Claire's was "probably" viral. She's had it since Wednesday. That means we're benched until Saturday/Monday. We have a party to go to tomorrow night, where there will be lots of kids. I'm going to e-mail the other attendees and ask them if they think we should come or not.

I gave Allison the choice whether or not she was coming today (she's not, and I don't blame her - she's a senior and she has finals coming up).

BJ, on the other hand, has "never heard of someone staying home with their kids because of pink eye." Considering that BJ is self-employed, all the interns are college students, and his business associates are almost entirely men with stay-at-home wives, I'm not sure where his data set is coming from, but I thought I should ask...

Am I overreacting? Do you go places (school, work, mall play area, holiday parties, babysitter's, etc.) when you have pink eye? Is it different when it's a kid (because kids can't keep their *#$%ing hands out of their *#$%ing noses, and their noses are vile little petri dishes full of disease)? What do you think?






* Pink eye is stupid because they feel fine, but you can't do anything/go anywhere, so the kids are bored to tears.