I love our doctor. I've been seeing him for, jeez, going on 5 years now. He really listens. He's approximately our age. He has young children too. He treats all four of us, so he knows us and our family well. Yes, in spite of the fact that he could show me a little more pharmaceutical love (seriously, what's it gonna take to get Mommy a little Valium, a nervous breakdown??), he's honestly the best doctor I've ever had. By far, my favorite medical professional that I'm not related to by blood or marriage.
But he totally screws with my head.
When we saw him this afternoon I told him that MG had been complaining about her ears, but that I suspected that it was just because she wanted a hit of the sweet, sweet elixir of amoxicillin that her sister was knocking back b.i.d. (that's "twice a day" in doctorese). And I told him that I figured if I didn't bring her in, after three consecutive days of "Mommy, my ears hurt..." she was sure to have the worst ear infection that medical science had ever seen. However, by bringing her in I guaranteed that she would not, in fact, have an ear infection, and that her ear would not, in fact, explode at about 2:00 am Saturday (which is precisely what Murphy's Law would've made happen if I'd ignored her).
Dr. Messes-with-my-head (or Dr. MWMH for short) asked what other symptoms she'd been having. I described the cold that we've had since about 2/15 - MG had it, and an intermittently high fever, a runny nose, and a bad cough, then Claire got it, then I got it, then the ear infection that we're treating Claire for, etc.
"Did she have any rash?" he asked.
"No, not particularly. She's always a little bumply," I said, describing the dry skin on her back that he was pointing out.
"Well, the reason I ask is that the symptoms you've described could be caused by Scarlet Fever."
"Jesus Christ," I groaned. Immediate face palm. I thought about shaking my fist at the ceiling and yelling, "MURPHY!!!" but he already thinks I'm weird enough. The doctor, not Murphy. I don't care what Murphy thinks of me. Anyway...
"It's no big deal," he said, realizing that I was about to have a breakdown (see above: Valium), "It's just a variant of strep..."
"No big deal??" I sputtered, "No big deal???? That's what the little boy had in The Velveteen Rabbit*!"
I'm sorry, but I am not prepared to deal with childhood diseases featured in great works of literature. That's why God invented vaccines. Or Salk. Whoever. What is this, Little Women? I do not think so.
(Mary Grace doesn't have Scarlet Fever, of if she does, he didn't say so. Mary Grace has, however, been unusually attached to her little white bunny lately. And it's March, and the girls in Little Women were Amy, Beth, Meg, and Jo March. And I'm Amy Elizabeth, and my sister's name is Megan. Coincidence?? No, my mother liked the book. Where was I? Oh, Dr. MWMH said that it looked like she was getting over an ear infection, which can happen all on its own, and called in an antibiotic to the pharmacy just in case she gets worse over the weekend. See, he's a great doctor. Love him. But he totally messes with my head. Oh, and my brother's name is Chuck, not Joe.)
* Yes, I really said that.