The Internet Has Spoken

Or rather, the Internet has been Completely Silent. Fine, I get it. You do not come here for product reviews. Consider that idea trashed. (I got one comment on that post while writing this one, yay! I'll revise that to almost completely silent.)

Why do you come here? Why do any of us "mommybloggers" do this? Why do we expose (exploit?) our families online? For fun? For profit? For our egos?

One of the things that people always say is that it's "all about the community." But it's hard to understand, if you've never been touched by that community, how it functions.

I'm sad to report that today I have a perfect example. Another "mommyblogger" - one I didn't read before, actually, has experienced the most horrible loss I can imagine. Her daughter Maddie died, completely unexpectedly. I'm not going to write the details because it's not my story. Her site is slammed, so if you want to know what happened, and you click through and you don't get anywhere, it's because thousands of people all over the world are wanting to know, too, and are reaching out to her, and are caring about her, and her husband, and their family. Try Googling "the Sphors are multiplying" and looking at the cached result, if the links I've provided don't work.

The "Momosphere" or the "mommyblogging community" has raised over $13,000 for the March of Dimes, in less than a day, in Madeline's memory. (You can click the link if you wish to donate in Maddie's memory too). On Facebook and Twitter people are brainstorming other ways to help and show support. It's hard when someone lives far away to "be there" for them, but the "mommybloggers" are trying. Just like we're trying with Stellan (see sidebar).

That, my friends, is part of the reason why we do this. Because when another member of this weird, vast, universal sisterhood of mothers is in a crisis we can open our hearts and our wallets, and we can do something REAL and TANGIBLE to try to ease the unspeakable pain that any of us could find ourselves unexpectedly facing. We may argue about breast vs. bottle, about staying home vs. working, and so on, but when it really comes down to it, we care about each other. We care about each others' families. We recognize the universality of our experiences. We are really a part of each others' lives, just as much as we would be if we went to the same church or joined the same MOMS Club.

I hope that Madeline's parents can sleep a little easier tonight, knowing that they matter to so many people. I hope that they are comforted, knowing that so many people are grieving with them, people who never had a chance to meet their baby girl. I hope they know that we're all holding our kids a little tighter tonight and thinking of them, with tears in our eyes.

Rest in peace, little Maddie.

Good Stuff: Aveeno Postively Ageless SPF 70 Lotion

Important: NO ONE asked me to write this post, NO ONE gave me anything to write this post.

I don't do product recommendations too often, because 1) there are plenty of other blogs who do product recommendations better, and 2) the one time I tried, I got the sample of the stuff and hated it, and was in a moral dilemma as to what to do (I ended up writing back and saying, "Dude, your lotion broke me out, big time, I'm not going to tell my readers to use it, and OH BY THE WAY I find your video advertising deceptive," because I am all about integrity, folks, and not about making a buck. Have you clicked any ads lately?)

Anyway, this is breaking out of my usual thing, but I have to tell you about a product I've been using because I love it and if I were single and it were a person I'd marry it.

It all started with this photo:


This was taken at a wedding in January. After several months of no-sun-exposure. I posted it to my Facebook profile and several of my friends said, "GIRL! Look at your SKIN!"

And I looked at my skin and I thought, "Wow, not bad!"

And then I thought, "Maybe I should do something to, you know, keep that skin."

So I went to my local pharmacy (that's trying to kill me) and bought two tubes of sunscreen for the face. The first was Neutrogena - haven't tried that yet. The second was Aveeno Positively Ageless SPF 70 Sunscreen.

People, I look like an "after" picture without make up on. It does not break me out (and believe me when I tell you that virtually everything breaks me out - whoever thought that I'd have zits, gray hair, and wrinkles all at the same time. Jeez!) It doesn't feel heavy or yucky at all. I apply it after the shower and by the time I've brushed my teeth, it has absorbed and is no longer visible or feel-able on my face and "decolletage" (because I wear a lot of V-neck shirts, no one wants wrinkly cleavage!!).

We all know that we should be wearing sunscreen every day, but who wants to feel (or smell) like a greasy beach bum, or a pina colada, every day?? This stuff smells and feels great. I promise.

Granted, I was doing pretty well, skin wise, to start with. But this stuff, it's making good even better.

So now that it's warming up (ha ha, there was snow yesterday, I want a refund on this "spring" thing...) you really should think about protecting your skin. If you're looking for a product, you might think of your favorite-dewy-skinned-blogger and give this stuff a try.

And seriously, Aveeno? If you could come up with something that, say, melts fat? I would drink it by the gallon. Let's start working on that next, mmmkay?

Nothing to Report

The kids and I are home, while BJ's on a business trip in Wisconsin. He'll be home after they go to bed tonight, assuming the traffic in Chicago isn't too horrendous. Of course, I'm on Twitter and get a "Breaking News Alert" about a Cessna that's been stolen in Canada and is being intercepted by F-16s over Central Wisconsin. Where BJ is. Right now. With our friend "Pierre," who is French and likely to surrender to the Cessna (he doesn't read or want to be mentioned on the blog - that'll teach him!!). Fortunately I'm pretty sure they're a couple hours south of where the action is, and I'm just hoping that the F-16s have the situation well in hand and won't allow the plane to get too close to a populated area like Milwaukee or Chicago.

Crazy.

Our social calendar is really starting to fill up for April, so since our only planned activity today was Open Gym, we decided to stay home and chill and watch movies. It's 7:30 pm and the girls are still in their jammies. Not already, still. I've been reading, watching Oprah (all the Mommybloggers were on today - it was very odd, like watching a bunch of my friends on TV, even though none of them have the faintest clue who I am. But once you've heard someone's kid's potty training horror stories, it makes you close, you know? Even if it's a one-way close), and dorking around on the 'net all day, while also doing laundry and waiting hand and foot on my kids (seriously, the next person to ask for something, whether it be popcorn or PB&J or cocoa is going to get it).

Claire was fun today...

Claire: I want drink!
Me: Do you want milk?
Claire: I WANT drink!
Me: Do you want juice?
Claire: I want DRINK!
Me: Do you want water?
Claire: I WANT DRINK!
Me: Do you want tea?
Claire: I WANT DRINK!
Me: Do you want whiskey?
Claire: I WANT DRIIINK!!
Me, opens fridge: Show me what you want.
Claire: I want milk.

Was all of that strictly necessary?

In other, completely unrelated news, my friend Amy Turn Sharp Stumbled my April Fools Post and I had almost 2000 hits on 4/2. I looked at my stats and thought I had clicked on the wrong blog. I felt famous. I liked it. I can't wait to go to BlogHer and figure out how to have more 2000 hit days!

(For those of you who aren't big geeks like myself, that means that Amy hit a button that's basically a thumbs up that she has installed on her web browser, which added me to a database, and other people hit their, "So, what's cool today?" buttons and came to my blog. 2000 people, to be exact. That's a lot of people. And BlogHer is the conference I'm going to in July, where I'm going to learn how to be an even better geek.)

I can't figure out why April is shaping up to be so busy. Is it because of my birthday, or is everyone just coming out of hibernation? Either way, I like it. It's hard to believe that it's April when we wake up to a covering of snow on the ground. On the other hand, my friend Cate in Alaska had like 6 feet of snow on the ground the other day, so I feel silly worrying about such a little bit.

I think I'm going to get the girlies to bed early tonight, then work on a new blog design. I hate the way the blog looks. I liked that header before, but now it does nothing for me. Time to move on. I'm thinking polka dots...

What did you do on this chilly, wet Monday?

Updated to add: Just now, while on the phone with BJ I checked for updates on the Cessna situation. He remains unimpressed. He says, "Well, we're not in Wisconsin anymore," and I swear, I hit refresh on Twitter at that exact moment and saw this:

FAA officials tell BNO News that the stolen Cessna aircraft has flown into Illinois and is still being chased by F16s. Details to come.

They're following him.

And BJ, my calm, calm husband, says, "I don't think I've made any enemies in Canada recently."

Do you think they're safe at Giordano's? 'Cause I'm not loving this.

Rebe - look out the window and let me know if you see any F-16s. This is getting too close to home. I have about a zillion friends and relatives in the Greater Chicago Area. Yuck. BJ insists that a Cessna 172 is teeny and couldn't do much damage. I say, it can do enough that it has a couple of F-16s on its tail! Shoot it down over the lake!

Hopefully it'll get south of BJ and "Pierre" while they're eating. Sheesh. Never a dull moment at Chez Prettybabies.

Eight Easy Steps to being a More Patient Parent

Kids. They'll drive you nuts. Here are Eight Easy Steps for being a little less nuts-driven.

1) See the innocence in their behavior.

If they were born knowing everything, every action's reaction, every consequence, they wouldn't need us for 18-22 years. Before you blow up over spilled milk, ask yourself if the child was being deliberately bad, or if it was just an innocent accident or an innocent mistake. I'd say that at least seven times out of ten, it was innocent, especially with young kids. And seeing that innocence makes it a lot easier to forgive.

2) Wait and see what they're trying to do before you get angry.

The best example of this, from our lives, was this one time that I took the girls out for ice cream. Claire was just over one, and MG was about 2 and a half. MG took Claire's spoon right out of her hand. I was just about to dress her down for it, when she scooped up a bite of Claire's ice cream, fed it to her, and said, "I help."

I was SO glad that my mouth was full and I didn't jump right down her throat for taking the spoon, because it was one of the sweetest moments. How often do our kids have good, but misunderstood, intentions? If I had yelled at her for taking the spoon, without knowing her intentions, she would've learned NOT to try to help Claire - the exact opposite of what I want her to learn.

3) See the humor in the things your kids do.

Sometimes kids are just being dorks. It's really funny, when you're three, to make a volcano out of mashed potatoes, or to make letters out of French fries. Rather than snapping, "Don't play with your food!!" try just chilling out. After all, it's not like you're dining with the Queen, right?

4) Give your kids the opportunity to do the right thing without being told to do it.

You don't want to be a drill sergeant. Your kids don't want to live with one either. Sometimes if you just let them do their thing, rather than barking constant orders and redirections, they'll do what you want them to do all on their own.

We're learning this with bedtime. Bedtime has been a struggle in this house since the day Mary Grace was born. But we've started changing the routine - we now do bath, potty, jammies, teeth, drinks, two stories, a quick snuggle, then Daddy and I leave the room, and damned if they aren't going to sleep by themselves. Who knew? We've probably been keeping them awake, and preventing them from falling asleep quickly, by lying there and saying, "Be still!" and "Go to sleep!!!" over and over.

5) Give choices.

We've all read this in the parenting magazines a thousand times, but it's true. Think of how frustrating it would be to live with someone who told you what to do all day - when to get up, what to wear, what to eat, where to go, when to sleep - without giving you any say in the matter. Does it really matter if your kid wants to wear a princess costume to the grocery store? Save the battles for the big things. Ask them, "Do you want the blue shirt or the pink shirt today?" "Do you want toast or a bagel?" "Do you want milk or juice?" "Do you want to go to bed now or in 5 minutes?" Giving little choices throughout the day will give kids more of a sense of control over their lives, and will cause you to engage in fewer battles of the wills. And never forget that if you're up against a toddler, you are outmatched in a battle of wills.

6) Give warnings.

Imagine that you're at work, and you're in the middle of a big project, and your boss says, "Stop that right NOW and go to the meeting!" How annoyed would you be? Wouldn't it be better if the boss came by and said, "Hey, the big meeting is in 5 minutes, see you there!" You can do the same thing for your kids, if you simply give a 3 or 5 minute warning, it'll make transitions a LOT easier.

7) Allow down time.

There's a lot of pressure on parents to fill their kids' entire schedule. Don't fall into this trap. Kids learn a lot simply by playing on their own and entertaining themselves. They need a break from their hectic schedules once in a while, just like we grown ups do.

8) Give them tools to deal with their emotions.

This one works for me when my kids fight. When you feel yourself really getting ready to blow, say to your kids, "I am really angry right now." Take a few deep breaths and let them learn how to calm themselves down by watching you calm yourself down. If you need to stall for more time to get perspective, try saying, "Why do you think I'm angry?" If you need even more, walk away for a few minutes. Give yourself a time out (and sit wherever your kids sit for their time outs!). Explain that just like they get angry, sometimes you do too, and sometimes you need to take a minute to settle down, just like they do. Show empathy for them, and at the same time demonstrate the appropriate way to deal with your anger.

And the bonus - if you turn their attention onto you and how you're managing your emotions, they'll probably stop fighting with each other to pay attention.

Mary Grace is high strung, and very emotional. She comes by it naturally. I hold up a finger when she starts spiraling out of control, and tell her to "blow out the candle." In this way, I'm reminding her to take deep breaths, and giving her a tool she can eventually use on her own to manage her emotionality. Right now she's little, and she still needs help. Generally, after the two of us blow out a few "candles" we're calm enough to deal with each other without screaming and yelling.

So begins my new series, Eight Easy Steps. Yes, I stole the title from Alanis, but I mean it less sarcastically. And I needed to read this today, because I have been a total wench lately. We're all works in progress.

Loose Ends

I've got 10,000 random thoughts rattling around in my tiny mind, so this is going to be one of those annoying, disjointed posts. However, I promise a healthy mix of funny kid stuff with random rattling stuff.

***

I am funnier when I'm not on Zoloft.

Yes, I'm off the Zoloft. It tried to kill me. This does NOT mean that you are exempt from taking me seriously. It does mean that you should be a little bit nicer to me, and more cautious around me, for a couple of weeks until I even back out. And maybe send chocolate or wine, just to be safe.

If we're going to have a third baby, I need to get clean. The data has changed since I became pregnant with Claire, and although she's fabulous (so far) I'm not willing to take the risk, again, of taking Zoloft while pregnant (your mileage may vary, talk to your doctor, this blog is not meant to be taken as medical advice. In fact, it would probably be safer to refrain from taking any advice you read in this blog, just on general principle. Void where prohibited).

***

Tonight before bed, Claire wanted to use the potty (she's ready to potty train, I'm not) before bed. "Potty! Please, potty!" she said. However, her diaper was poopy. So, I cleaned her up in the hallway, then left her, naked, in the bathroom while I went in her room to throw away the diaper. I could hear her saying, "Potty! POTTY!" kind of urgently, but I figured she was just excited (Casey, who is having a hard time potty training her kids, is not going to love that comment - yes, she's excited to use the potty. Yes, I'm discouraging her. Looking gift horse in mouth. I know. Sorry). Well, I get in there and she's standing in a puddle. "Oh no, Mommy," she says, "I spilled."

***

I had a really nice day today. Claire went to "school" with MG (Mommy's Time Out program), and Casey and I had coffee and chatted for two and a half hours!!!! It was lovely!

I also got a lot done at work. Woo hoo!

***

"When are you going to learn that you need to listen to me the FIRST time, not the SEVENTH??" I yelled*.

"Thursday," Mary Grace said, with complete sincerity and repentance. I had to walk away so I could laugh.

***

I'm finding it very difficult to consume all the media that I'm interested in. I have piles of books that I intend to read, eventually, and it seems like for every one I finish there are three more that I want to start. I'm following an embarrassing number of blogs, Twits, and Facebookians. We've been getting the newspaper (for the coupons) and it gets tossed without a glance most nights (I'm going to cut it back to weekends only as soon as I finish this post, actually). I'm so far behind on movies and television shows, not to mention Podcasts, that I will never, ever catch up. I wonder if it's part of being the parent of young kids, that I just don't have hours and hours to sit and read like I did B.C. (Before Children), or is it because the amount of media that's available is growing exponentially, and it's really impossible to keep up with it all?

I'm going to have to go through and cull my blogroll again. Generally this means that I read through it, and if I don't immediately recognize the blog name as one of my friends, I'll read the last couple posts... If nothing sounds familiar, it means that I've been skimming, and it's time for that subscription to go. I hate to do it, because there must have been some reason why I started following that person to begin with... Some gem of a post where I said, "Who is this person? I must read more!" It makes me feel judgmental and snobby to cut them off... but there are just only so many hours in a day.

I've already culled the Podcasts. And I've gotten much better about stopping reading a book when it starts to feel like work instead of pleasure. There have been several that I've started, thought, "Why am I wasting time on this??" and quit midway through. I used to be sort of obsessive about such things, and if I started it I had to finish any given book. I've gotten much more protective of my time.

***

An article came out today and got buzzed through the blogosphere, which said that they've found "rocket fuel" in baby formula, and OMG won't someone think of the BaBiEz!!!11!!

Um... Yeah. A couple of months ago everyone was having the vapors (pun!) because they found the same "rocket fuel" (ammonium perchlorate) in breast milk.

Do not panic. This is just another way to incite panic in our woefully science-illiterate and innumerate culture. Now, I'm not saying you should go feed your baby a whole bottle full of perchlorate, but it's everywhere, for crying out loud, and we can't get away from it no matter how we choose to feed our kids, so let's quit with the fearmongering.

Should we be concerned about industrial pollution? Sure. Should we buy the ultra-expensive organic soy formula that's pre-digested and pre-screened and pure as the driven snow (if such a thing actually existed) to avoid this chemical? Probably not.

Fear makes us buy stuff. When someone tries to make you afraid, particularly of something that's difficult to understand, or difficult to avoid, always ask yourself what they are trying to sell you.

***

Ok, thinking about toxicity totally reminds me of the time a friend of ours, John, was presenting a paper at a conference and he called a substance "non-toxic." Someone asked him how he knew that it was non-toxic, and he joked, "If you cut it 100 to 1 with water, and you can drink it and not die, it's non-toxic."

Cue: Crickets.

Friends don't let friends joke during professional conferences. I laughed, though, when I heard about it later.

***

BJ just shared this video with me: