No one is paying me anything or giving me anything to write this post. I just like to share the cool stuff I find with you all from time to time.
I suck at thank you notes. I mean, really, really suck. It's not that I'm ungrateful, I'm just really busy, and for some reason finding a stamp is as hard in this house as finding tape or a pair of scissors that is still suitable for cutting fabric (seriously, family, lay off Mommy's scissors!). Excuses, excuses, it's one of the things on the short list of things I wish I could change about myself (we don't need to get into the rest of that list, it's depressing... But I'd like to be in a single digit size between now and when I die, and also I really would like to cure my chronic foot-in-mouth syndrome).
And then I found out about Red Stamp, and everything changed.
Red Stamp is an iOS app. You download it free from the app store, then you give it permission to muck around with your photos and your contacts, and BAM! Instant thank you notes.
Seriously, look at the one I made from our Halloween picture in like 33 seconds:
Or this one that I sent to my mother-in-law after our trip to Chicago:
Or this one I sent to Uncle Doug and Aunt Kathy:
Once you've designed your card, you can email it, text it, save it to your camera roll, post it to Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram, or you can pay $1.99 to have Red Stamp print it and send it to your recipient in the actual mail!
I am using the heck out of this thing. Sure, the same functionality is available from a variety of websites (I've used Shutterfly for the past several years to do our Christmas cards, for example), but this app is so quick and so slick, and it makes sending personalized thank you notes so easy, that I have officially run out of excuses. I don't have to plug in my camera, upload to my computer, walk uphill both ways to the post office... I just choose the cute layout (and they have a lot of cute ones!), choose the picture, change the text, choose the recipient, and hit "MAIL IT!"
The other thing that I love is that they're something that the recipient will actually keep and enjoy, rather than just reading and saying, "Oh, that's nice," and tossing away. (Actually, I keep every single personal piece of mail I get, from letters to thank you notes to Christmas cards, but I'm crazy like that. Most people don't.) I wish I had found the app before we left the Jack Hanna show, because I would've taken a picture of the kids. I found it later that same day. I just happened to have taken a picture of the logo on the wall and the screen to blog about it.
So, there you go. I just made your holidays a LOT easier if you have an iOS device. You can just email me the thank you note.
I was surfing around this morning and came across this recipe for instant chai tea powder at Butter and Oven Mitts. I knew it was something I had to try, ASAP. I got into my cupboards to see what I needed to have BJ pick up at the store, and I found that I had every ingredient except the instant tea.
Hmmmm....
So I went ahead and mixed it up, and added it to a cup of hot (decaf) tea. It's AWESOME!
Here's the recipe I used:
1 cup non-fat dry milk powder
2 cups powdered Coffee Mate (French vanilla flavor - I didn't have plain on hand)
1-1/2 cups white sugar
2 tsp ground ginger
2 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp allspice
1 tsp nutmeg
1 tsp cloves
2 tsp ground cardamom
1/2 tsp white pepper
In a large bowl, mix all of the above together. In a food processor (or a Magic Bullet, if you're me) blend ingredients one cup at a time until it is a fine powder (this step evenly distributes the milk and sugar, and eliminates pesky chunks of Coffee Mate). Store in an air-tight container.
To make chai, add two teaspoons (or a big ol' tablespoon full if you're crazy like me) to a cup of hot tea.
This recipe is going to save me about a zillion dollars at Fourbucks Starbucks. Love it! Thanks Cassandra!!
(No one paid me anything to write this, although I'd happily accept a year of Evernote Premium in return for being such a nice blogger, if the Evernote people happen to find this...)
I've been looking for a solution for literally YEARS to the information overload that plagues me. I think I've found it with Evernote.
Evernote is free. You download the app to your phone and your computer, and you can access it through the 'net, too. You can save images, photos, lists (with check boxes), web pages, PDF files, notes... and in the premium version you can save Microsoft Office documents.
I have to admit, I've had it on my phone for a long time without realizing its potential. But yesterday I had some time to fool around with it, and I'm really excited about the possibilities...
One area where I have total info overload is recipes. I'll be surfing and I'll see something and think, "Gosh, I really want to try that!" but then when I sit down to plan our grocery list I have NO idea what to make. I can't remember that there was this recipe on Allrecipes and that recipe on Pioneer Woman and so on. Well, now when I'm surfing and I come across a recipe, I just "clip" it to Evernote. Just this morning I made Oatmeal Pancakes from Smitten Kitchen (LOVE these) and I clipped it to Evernote (with a picture copied and pasted into the file!) so that next time I want to make them, I don't have to search for the recipe (and run the risk of finding the wrong Oatmeal Pancakes because I can't remember which blog it was, or the risk of the whole blog being taken down for whatever reason). If the internet is down, I can still make them, because the file is mirrored on my computer.
I can scan in my own recipes and put them in the same "notebook." Then, when I make them, I can take a picture with my phone and upload it to the recipe easily. I can tag all of my recipes, too. Entree, Beef, Chicken, Dessert, Must Try!, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Christmas Cookies.... The possibilities are endless, and it will make them easy to find. And it's SEARCHABLE!
Now, imagine I'm at the grocery store and I suddenly have an urge to make pancakes... I can call up the recipe on my iPhone and make sure I have all the ingredients (ok, bad example, because I always have all those ingredients, but if I wanted to make some exotic recipe that didn't just use pantry staples, and I couldn't remember if I needed lemon or lime or whatever, I'd have that information at my fingertips). If I'm up in Grammaland and I want to make a new Christmas cookie with Mimi, we can pull up all my recipes on her computer and use them there. And since it's web, phone, and computer based, I don't have to endlessly print out the same recipes (or type up the same recipes to send to someone - I can e-mail it to you straight out of Evernote).
Ok, so beyond recipes and groceries, I have plenty of ideas for how Evernote can simplify my life. If I'm talking to someone and they mention a book I'd like to read, I can put it in a special note (with check boxes!!) called "Books to Read" - then, 10 years from now when I have time to read again, I can call up that list and have all those book titles at my fingertips. Ditto for movies. How many times have we been sitting in a theater watching previews and said, "That looks great!" but then we get to movie night and we can't think of anything to rent. Oh my gosh, that happens every time!
Let's say I'm out shopping and I see something that my mom would love. Well, we draw names at Christmas so I don't get her a Christmas present every year... but I could put a note called "gift ideas" in my phone, and jot it down, and then if I draw Mom I've already got an idea for her. I could also clip a website to Evernote if I'm surfing and run across something I'd like to get for her. Awesome, right? I can't be the only one who gets to December and draws a total blank on what to get for everyone.
We get freezer beef every year. I am considering making a checklist of what we get, then checking it off as I use it. With the checklist function, there is a lot of potential for inventory.
But wait, there's more! If I'm on the phone with someone at work, and I need to take notes on the conversation to refer to later, I have a whole notebook called "Work" where I can keep that stuff, and tag it so that I can find it. There are about a thousand ways I can use it at work, all of which are boring because they're work, so let's move on.
Kids' sizes? In a note so that if I'm shopping without them I can remember what size shoe they wear. I never remember shoe sizes. I can put BJ's sizes in there, too.
Medical stuff that I need to remember? Note. Tagged with the person's name. Magically accessible from anywhere so that if (God forbid) we're in the ER and they need to know when something happened, I can call it up and tell them exactly.
We want to build a house in a few years. As I'm surfing if I run across an idea I like, it goes into Evernote. If it's in a magazine I can scan in the page. If it's at someone's house I can take a picture with my phone. So when we sit down to design our "forever" house, I'll have years worth of ideas at my fingertips.
I can even take pictures of the kids' art projects (or scan them) so I don't have to store the originals. Tag them with the kid's name and date them, and poof! Instant preservation. It doesn't get much easier.
I just couldn't wait to share this tool with all of you. I hope you find it as useful as I do!
Breastfeeding is a political issue - and formula companies make billions of dollars while compromising the health of our children. Yes, thank God formula exists for women who can't breastfeed, or for women whose circumstances make it difficult or impossible. I agree that breastfeeding isn't possible for everyone, and that it's to everyone's benefit that there exists an alternative for women who must work, women who adopt, women who have to take medication that's incompatible with nursing, etc. etc.
I'm not writing this to judge YOUR individual choices.
However, formula companies have spent years actively engaged in the process of sabotaging healthy mothers who could choose to nurse because they make money when you choose formula over breastfeeding. It's been well documented and it's been going on for years. It's especially egregious in poor nations around the world.
Please take a moment to click through to see how formula companies are currently engaged in breastfeeding sabotage, and then use your voice to do something. I'm sharing this post here and on Facebook, and I wrote a letter to the two Babble e-mail addresses that Ph.D. in Parenting listed, and I told them that they should be ashamed of themselves. What are you going to do?
This afternoon I was making dinner, and I put on This American Life's story "Held Hostage." I had listened to part one and most of part two in the car yesterday. The third act was about a man who had narcolepsy and catoplexy - every time he experienced strong emotion, he'd just keel over. He couldn't move or speak, but he was fully conscious (so I don't know how they call it narcolepsy - because I thought you had to be sleeping for that, but whatever...).
After most of the story had unfolded, Mary Grace, who was sitting at the kitchen table coloring, looked at me with big brown eyes and said, "Mommy, is this the sad channel?"
From the Kitty file: Kitty is still died, as you might have guessed. The kids, being resilient and blissfully ignorant on the subject of death in general, are over it. I'm doing fine, too. Thanks for all your kind concern and suggestions.
From the Where Have You Been file: The Mommy's Time Out program **finally** started again, so the kids got to go to "school" yesterday and I got to go to work. Yay!
From the Things That Make Me Shake My Head And Say "The World Is Going To Hell In A Handbasket" Like An Old Person file: I read a story at Free Range Kids and again on Facebook about a boy who helped a 3 year old girl who was lost in a store, and got arrested for kidnapping her instead of the medal he deserved for his trouble! Worse still, the media (in Orange County, Florida) released the 14 year old MINOR CHILD'S name!
This is a horrifying example of shortsightedness and power abuse.
Folks, I really think it's important for sane, rational people like us to write to the Orange County Sheriff's Department and express our outrage at the way this kid has been treated. Is he ever going to trust the police after this? Is he ever going to try to help another child in need? No.
I don't want to live in a world where people are afraid to help someone in trouble because they're covering their own asses, but it seems like that's the path we're headed down. And here's what happens when you go down that path - a kid in England went missing, and a man saw her beside the road but he failed to act because he feared that he would be suspected of kidnapping. An hour after she disappeared from her day care center, her mother pulled her lifeless body from a nearby pond. She was two. You can read the whole story here.
So, folks, those are your choices - make it a criminal act for people to talk to children (because all strangers are suspected child molesters!) and end up with dead kids who could have been helped, but weren't, or we can grow some frigging common sense in this country and stop treating all men (even 14 year old young men) as potential abusers.
I do not teach my kids "stranger danger." I never have. In fact, I've corrected other people when they've said "stranger danger" to my kids, because we believe that teaching kids to be afraid (what else does the word "danger" imply, except that one should be afraid?) is counterproductive.
There's this attitude in this country that any man who is interested in or talking to children is a child molester. I think that this is as dangerous an idea as the idea that all women are objects/sluts/etc. It is as destructive as the idea that all Arabs are terrorists. It is not a prejudice that I think should be taken lightly.
(if you're reading this on Facebook, there's a video here - go to http://prettybabies.blogspot.com to see it. If you don't click through, you'll probably also miss the funny pictures coming up)
The implication in the video is that only perverts talk to kids, right? And Leonard is socially aware enough to know that other people (or security cameras!), seeing Sheldon talking to Rebecca, will think he's a pervert. Sheldon, blissfully unaware of most social rules and mores (if you haven't watched the show, he is one of those brilliant scientists who is clueless when it comes to social interaction, and hilarity ensues - you should watch it, it's a good show) doesn't see anything wrong with "making friends" with a little kid.
My husband is a great father. He genuinely enjoys getting down on the floor and playing with the kids - building Lego projects and ramps for Matchbox cars all morning on a weekend. Yet I have seen him totally shut down when the neighborhood kids (mostly girls) come over. He has told me for years, since before we had kids, that he feels like he has to be very careful in his interactions with kids, because he doesn't want to be accused of anything improper. So, for example, if a kid I've never seen falls on his bike in front of my house (true story) I'll run out and help him without a second thought, I'll bring him inside and clean him up, give him a bandaid and a hug, and call his folks for him. My husband will not. (He'd probably call me to come help, honestly, or one of the other female neighbors. He's not just going to leave the kid out there bleeding).
How sad that all the kids of the world are missing out on everything they could learn from him, because our paranoid society that teaches kids that all men have uncontrollable sexual urges. How sad that he has to be so reserved, when he could really have meaningful, mutually beneficial connections with kids.
I thought we believed in the principle of "innocent until proven guilty" in this country! "Oh," the helicopter parents cry, "but what about the chilllllddrrrreeennn?"
(I sent him those paragraphs for approval, because I try not to write about him without permission, and he said, That's very nice of you to say. I would not necessarily call for you or another neighbor, but I would certainly not bring a child (boy or girl that I did not know the parents well) into our house without another adult around. I would help the child up, pick up the bike, and help the kid home. If it were an emergency or if the kid lived a ways away, I'd certainly do first aid and call the parents as appropriate but that would all be done from the porch or front yard, unless another adult was right there. So there you go, I was mostly right.)
I'm glad I didn't grow up in this era. When I was a kid I fell on the way to school on my bike, and a man who lived in that neighborhood - someone I had never seen - stopped, took me to his house, patched me up, gave me a cookie, and called my mom. I was scared and hurt (I still have the scars from that accident on my knees), and he helped me. It never occurred to me that he could be a threat. He was just a nice, middle aged guy, helping a kid in need.
I had a long friendship with a middle aged, unmarried, childless man who lived in my neighborhood (I wonder whatever happened to him...). I remember going to his house to play marbles. He wasn't a particular friend of my parents - just someone who lived in our neighborhood and liked kids (or tolerated me, anyway). He never hurt me. I can only imagine what people would say if I let Mary Grace have a relationship like that with one of the men in our neighborhood. "Well, have you run a criminal background check?"
Oh sure, when I was a kid I heard the "stranger danger" message in school, just like we all did in the 80s, but I also saw that my mom talked to people in the store, and that my extended family did too, and that 99.999% of those interactions were between neutral and friendly, and it overwrote the message I got at school.
So, I don't teach my kids "stranger danger" because I think it's destructive to our society (quite literally). What DO I teach them?
I've been teaching them since they were about two and a half that they have a "private body" that is not for anyone else to touch. No one is allowed to touch them between their legs unless they're helping them in the bathroom (because they're still at the age where they need help wiping). Because they're not afraid to talk to strangers, they're not afraid to say, "NO! Don't do that!" to strangers, either.
I've taught them that if something happens, they need to tell, regardless of what the person says.
I've taught them that we do not keep secrets in our family (unless they're happy secrets, like presents).
I've taught them that they are not to go inside neighbors' houses without permission (mainly so I know where they are when they're playing, and I don't have to go door to door looking for them).
I've taught them not to take food from anyone (mainly because I don't want them to spoil their dinner, or to constantly be begging the neighbors for treats!).
I've taught them to stay out of the street, no matter what (that's kind of a no brainer).
I let my kids, at ages 3 and 4.5, play alone with the other neighborhood children in the front yard on our block. We know all the neighbors nearby, and we know that parents are peeking out of doors and windows constantly to keep an eye on all the kids (mainly to keep them from doing anything stupid - not out of fear). I'm fortunate to live in one of the safest cities in Indiana, one of the safest states.
I hear you - "But even safe cities have child molesters, Amy!!!" you're screaming at your monitor. Yeah, I know. One lived directly across the street from me. And after my head initially flew off (I was pregnant with MG when I found out), I realized that everyone has to live somewhere. As long as we knew, and he knew that we knew, I didn't have any real fear that he would do anything to any of the kids in the neighborhood. (He was a flasher - he had flashed his junk at three 8 year old girls in Toys R Us).
And, as far as I know (and I know pretty well) he didn't. And he moved away after a year.
This whole post happened because of a conversation on Facebook, where a mother I know said that she ran down the street screaming "Don't talk to strangers!!!!!!!!!!" at two kids (3 and 5) in her care, because they were talking to a male forklift driver. I suggested that it might have been overkill, gave her some statistics on crime (she also lives in one of the safest cities in the country, violent crime is at an overall, nation-wide 30+ year low, and 95% of kids who are abused know their abuser - he's a family friend or a relative or a clergyman). But you can't fight hysteria with facts. The conversation went on, and I pretty much called her a helicopter parent. I asked her how she thought the poor forklift driver felt, and how he might change the way he interacts with kids in the future as a result of that experience. I gave her some links to Free Range Kids (one of my favorite blogs). I suggested that teaching children to be afraid of everyone as children will impede their ability to be successful adults.
She basically came back and told me that my kids weren't ever going to be successful adults because they were going to get kidnapped and molested and killed and then molested again because I'm a horrible mother. Nice.
The competitive mothering aspect of the whole discussion was clear even before I jumped in and called 'em all a bunch of lunatics. "I yelled at these kids and scared the forklift driver, I'm such a good mother!" Another said, "Oh, I don't even let my 3 year old say hello to strangers in stores, and I don't care if people think my kids are rude, because I'm such a good mother!" It's ridiculous. Competitive mothering is the primary cause of all of this hysteria. I was just waiting for someone to jump in and say, "I don't even allow my kids to go outside - they haven't seen sunlight since we brought them home from the hospital, because I'm such a good mother!" And they don't even care that it's done at the expense of all men in this country, and at the expense of their own kids' feeling of security and safety in the world, and at the expense of kids' ability to do normal kid things, like play in the yard!
We all like to brag about our kids, and it feels good to have our opinion of ourselves as "good mothers" reinforced. I just wish people would see the larger picture - the positive interactions they deprive their children of, the erosion of respect for men in our culture ("Everybody Loves Raymond" and other bumbling dad shows, "Law and Order - SVU" which would lead you to believe that it's only a matter of time before everyone is the victim of a serial rapist) - when they teach "stranger danger."
I also blame the 24 hour news cycle. We never would have heard of Elizabeth Smart 20 years ago. But CNN and Fox News have an infinite amount of air time to fill, and they fill it with scaring the snot out of parents. Nancy Grace... Don't even get me going on Nancy Grace. I turned off the news shortly after 9/11/01, and I haven't really turned it back on since. I will occasionally watch a bit here or there, and it'll ominously say, "What household chemical is going to kill us all? Find out at 11!" and I'll turn it back off again. (I read the news - all the information, without the hysteria. Oh, and I watch Jon Stewart, because he's da man).
Most kids are going to survive their childhood just fine. All of us did! I never knew anyone who was kidnapped by a stranger and killed - did you? (I knew plenty of people who were hurt by people they knew, but "stranger danger" doesn't address that!)
Let's start parenting from a point of logic and sanity, instead of parenting out of fear.
I'm particularly interested in what YOU have to say. Do you teach "Stranger Danger" in your house? Jen, am I remembering correctly that the Body Safety classes you teach have moved away from the Stranger Danger mentality? Cate, I'll bet it's a LOT different in Alaska. Rob and Rebe - how do you approach the issue in the major metropolitan areas you live in?
Let's talk about it here, because the people I was talking to on Facebook ended the conversation. Not that I was surprised...
My friend Susan has cancer. Again. And I am really pissed about it and I feel very helpless sitting here hundreds of miles away where I can't even take her a casserole. So, in her honor I am reposting an article she wrote when she was first diagnosed.
You can click through to read it there, or read it here, but please read it. Ok?
And if you believe in prayer, send one up for WhyMommy, please.
We hear a lot about breast cancer these days. One in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetimes, and there are millions living with it in the U.S. today alone. But did you know that there is more than one type of breast cancer?
I didn’t. I thought that breast cancer was all the same. I figured that if I did my monthly breast self-exams, and found no lump, I’d be fine.
Oops. It turns out that you don’t have to have a lump to have breast cancer. Six weeks ago, I went to my OB/GYN because my breast felt funny. It was red, hot, inflamed, and the skin looked…funny. But there was no lump, so I wasn’t worried. I should have been. After a round of antibiotics didn’t clear up the inflammation, my doctor sent me to a breast specialist and did a skin punch biopsy. That test showed that I have inflammatory breast cancer, a very aggressive cancer that can be deadly.
Inflammatory breast cancer is often misdiagnosed as mastitis because many doctors have never seen it before and consider it rare. “Rare” or not, there are over 100,000 women in the U.S. with this cancer right now; only half will survive five years. Please call your OB/GYN if you experience several of the following symptoms in your breast, or any unusual changes: redness, rapid increase in size of one breast, persistent itching of breast or nipple, thickening of breast tissue, stabbing pain, soreness, swelling under the arm, dimpling or ridging (for example, when you take your bra off, the bra marks stay – for a while), flattening or retracting of the nipple, or a texture that looks or feels like an orange (called peau d’orange). Ask if your GYN is familiar with inflammatory breast cancer, and tell her that you’re concerned and want to come in to rule it out.
There is more than one kind of breast cancer. Inflammatory breast cancer is the most aggressive form of breast cancer out there, and early detection is critical. It’s not usually detected by mammogram. It does not usually present with a lump. It may be overlooked with all of the changes that our breasts undergo during the years when we’re pregnant and/or nursing our little ones. It’s important not to miss this one.
Inflammatory breast cancer is detected by women and their doctors who notice a change in one of their breasts. If you notice a change, call your doctor today. Tell her about it. Tell her that you have a friend with this disease, and it’s trying to kill her. Now you know what I wish I had known before six weeks ago.
You don’t have to have a lump to have breast cancer.
Have you heard of this Chat Roulette thing? This is what kids are doing these days, and we parents need to be on top of these things (see how I'm tying this into the whole MommyBlog gig?). So you sign in with your webcam and you hit "go" and you video chat with random strangers. I haven't done this, mainly because it's reportedly 90% people showing their daddy parts, if you know what I mean, and now because I'm afraid I'm going to end up in a YouTube video.
Ok, so about a week ago I saw this video go by. As it says, "This video may contain swears," so save this for nap time, kids. Or do what I did and put on a video so your kids will ignore you.
And it's AWESOME! It elevates this whole ChatRoulette thing to an art form, even though it contains swears. And a lot of people hear the piano style and the voice, and they see the glasses and the obvious disguise hoodie and the name "Merton" (no one is really named Merton), and they think, "OMFG that's Ben Folds!!!"
I love Ben Folds, by the way. We saw him in concert and it was awesome. He's so talented and he totally seems like the kind of guy you could have a few beers with, right?
And this morning I'm checking my RSS feeds and I find this:
Which is COMPLETELY the COOLEST THING EVER!
Now I'm thinking I may have to get on ChatRoulette, after all, so that I have a shot at being in a Ben Folds video!
And now you know what's going on with the rest of the Internet.
Mamapedia published my article on Time Outs on November, 3, and I just now found it! Whoops!!
I get a time out.
A LOT of the (65!!!) commenters left questions, and I'm going to try to answer them here. Expect to see a lot about discipline in this space over the next little while.
Yes, of course I'm hosting Thanksgiving in two days. And doing most of the cooking, sure. And I finally started writing my sitcom today, and why wouldn't I take on one more project? Hahaha...
I was stumped on the very first comment...
My son has a low language level, and doesn't usually understand most of what I'm trying to tell him. So putting him in timeouts has been very frustrating, I can't help him understand why he's in timeout. Do you have any suggestions?
I wish you had mentioned your son's age. If you happen to be reading, please comment with more details.
My first suggestion is to act it out for him. Put yourself on the step or the rug and say, "Mommy is in time out. This is how we take a time out. Can you take a time out?" I think if you repeat the phrase "time out" over and over again, he might pick it up, depending on what his specific delay is.
Also, be very careful that you're not giving him time outs when he hasn't understood your instructions/expectations. You don't want to punish him for his low language level, right? In your situation, I would only give time outs (or any consequences/punishment) when you're sure that he has understood you and willfully disobeyed.
Is his expressive language delayed, or his receptive language, or both? Does he have hearing or speech difficulties? Could you draw a picture of what you expect him to do in time out and show it to him? Maybe could you find an illustrated book where a child takes a time out, and read it to him? Could you have other children demonstrate time outs for him? Make up a time out song? (I know that sounds crazy, but the "clean up" song from preschool does amazing things for my kids' motivation to clean!) How do you teach him other things? Remember that you have to teach him how to do a time out (just like you teach him how to eat with a spoon or drink from a cup) in order for the time out to then become a teaching tool. That's why I started so early with my kids (at 12 months old). When they were that little, it was more for practice than anything else!
It has been a long time since I worked with kids with special needs, so I'm pretty rusty. I know that even the children that I worked with who were institutionalized got time outs. Time outs are supposed to work with extremely low-IQ children. Although, what's the point if they don't understand, right?
I have some of the smartest readers in the world, many of whom are educators. Please, guys, leave comments (on the blog, not on Facebook!!) if you have suggestions for this mom.
Can we get a discussion about the article going here? I'm anxious to hear what you have to say.
(I get my BEST parenting advice from Psychology Today, per Dr. Dave's recommendation - and if you've read this blog for more than 10 minutes you know that I LOVE Dr. Dave. I highly recommend that you sign up for their RSS feed).
No, not me.... Kaydee is the Diaper Bag Diva, and she asked me to help promote her really cute website full of baby gear.
Since she loves me (or my blog, anyway), and I love you, we decided to throw a little giveaway! Just visit her website and choose your favorite item under $40. Simply leave a comment with your name, an e-mail address where I can find you if you win, and the name of your favorite product. In one week, I'll draw a name and the winner will receive that item from Kaydee. Choose carefully - there's lots of really cute stuff. If you don't have kids, or if your kids are past the baby stage, like mine, think of all the pregnant people you know who are going to be having showers (like Jill!!!) and enter for the gift you'd like to give!
Personally, I'm liking the Versailles Bowling Bag Diaper Bag (pictured above right). (Sorry I can't get the picture to be less grainy). What's your favorite?
Purple: Cost of snacks Green: Videos watched Blue: Time Outs Given Red: Parental Need for Alcohol Pink: Parental Chores Accomplished Yellow: Diapers Changed
(In all seriousness, if you haven't read this post yet, please read it now and pass it on!) With apologies to College Humor, from whom I stole the graph idea.
I haven't posted anything about the "Little April Rose" fiasco, for a lot of reasons. If you followed her blog, you may remember that I was the person who suggested (in a comment) that a homebirth in her "situation" might be illegal, and she promptly wrote a vehement reply in my general direction. I told my sister weeks ago that I smelled a rat, but I was afraid to speak up because nay-saying, if her story had been true, would have been cruel.
When the "baby" was "born," I was hitting "refresh" along with everyone else who had followed her blog, waiting for updates. When the picture of "April" was posted - the one that turned out to be a doll - I thought it was awfully strange that a baby with not one but two facially disfiguring disorders (trisomy 13 and the holo-thing that I can't spell) would have such a perfect face. She also looked awfully chubby for a 4 pound baby. It wasn't long before the rest of the mommy-blogosphere was in an uproar. I sort of sat back and watched the whole thing unfold, rather than doing the research myself to discover Beccah's identity. But I was riveted for a couple of days as I watched the web of lies that Beccah had spun come undone.
I think there are several lessons here that we should all take away from the whole thing...
#1 - No matter how hard you try to protect your identity, it is stupid easy for anyone with half a clue how the internet works to figure out exactly who you are, where you live, what your phone number is, who lives in your house with you, how much your house is worth, and a whole bunch of other "private" information. There is no such thing as "private" anymore.
#2 - While I don't think that we bloggers should hesitate to reach out and support one another emotionally in times of need, we should really think very carefully before we support each other financially in times of need. This is not the first blog scam (while the article says that she didn't benefit financially, it goes on to say that some of the people involved gave her "hundreds" of dollars, and the ad revenue alone would've been HUGE with nearly a million hits...) for money, nor will it be the last.
While a lot of beautiful things have been done in the blogging community (like the support that Matt Logelin has received since the tragic death of his wife Liz, and the not-for-profit group he has set up in her memory), a lot of scams have been pulled just like Beccah's. We really need to be careful where we donate money and send gifts.
I wish I could think of a list of good guidelines for this, but I really can't. I think it's a red flag if a blog is too polished, as "April's Mom's" was. I think it's a warning sign if the blogger doesn't give her last name or location - but then again, I don't give my last name or location! Of course, I also don't ask for gifts. (If you want to send gifts, though, I'll accept them! Let me run right out and get a PO Box. Hahaha). It's a warning sign when people protest too much - Beccah said something directly once about people thinking that she was lying, and that it would be a pretty sick trick to pull on people (or something to that effect). If someone's always crowing about how "real" they are, it makes me think that they might not be all that real... Can anyone think of other red flags?
#3 - Honesty is the best policy. As bloggers, the only standards we're held to are our own. I can sit here all day and make up lies - about myself, about others, about politicians and public figures... It might even be fun to wait and see how long it takes the lies I make up to get on Fox News (rimshot). We bloggers really need to have a sense of journalistic integrity about the whole thing, because once you begin to lie, you have to tell another, then another, and before long you find yourself suffocating under a whole pack of lies, and then you screw up and get caught. I wonder, if she hadn't posted the picture of the doll, would she have gotten away with it?
#4 - Finally, it's really easy to forget that the internet is made up of actual people with actual feelings, lives and, often, psychiatric disorders. It's probably in everyone's best interests if we bear this in mind at all times.
So, who else was following the rise and fall of Little April Rose's Mom? You can read more about it here and here and here, and if you still want more, those links can take you to further links where you can get the whole sordid tale.
Signed,
Mary Grace and Claire's Mom Keepin' it 100% real since May, 2007
Cate grew up two blocks from me in Grammaland. We've known each other forever. I think we became friends in the sixth or seventh grade.
Our hometown was, and remains, the epitome of a Midwestern town. There's a small university, a nearby "real" city, everyone knows everyone... Often I'd do something stupid and be in trouble before I even got home, because Mom heard about it from a friend of hers, or worse, one of my uncles!
Cate marched to the beat of her own drummer, which is something I've always loved about her. Over the years, between graduation and when the magic of Facebook put us back in touch with one another, I imagined a lot of futures for her - perhaps working in the Peace Corps digging latrines in Africa, or in South America saving the rain forests. I was never creative enough to predict her actual future - married to a Yup'ik Eskimo and living in Hooper Bay, Alaska, but that's exactly what happened. (I can't resist the joke - Cate, can you see Russia from your house?)
Her blog is here, and you really should read it. Her baby just got baptized in seal blubber, which is apparently a tribal ritual. If that's not damn fascinating, and a far cry from Small Town, Indiana, U.S.A., well, I don't know what is.
She eats seal intestine soup, you guys. Cate is hard core, and incredibly interesting. Plus, she's smart and funny and has a heart as big as, well, as Alaska.
I've said many times, that BJ and I are blessed with the most interesting, diverse group of friends ever assembled. I wish they all had blogs, but unfortunately most of them don't. However, Cate does, and you should totally read it. And as my other fascinating friends adopt modern technology, I promise to point you in their directions, too.
Or rather, the Internet has been Completely Silent. Fine, I get it. You do not come here for product reviews. Consider that idea trashed. (I got one comment on that post while writing this one, yay! I'll revise that to almost completely silent.)
Why do you come here? Why do any of us "mommybloggers" do this? Why do we expose (exploit?) our families online? For fun? For profit? For our egos?
One of the things that people always say is that it's "all about the community." But it's hard to understand, if you've never been touched by that community, how it functions.
I'm sad to report that today I have a perfect example. Another "mommyblogger" - one I didn't read before, actually, has experienced the most horrible loss I can imagine. Her daughter Maddie died, completely unexpectedly. I'm not going to write the details because it's not my story. Her site is slammed, so if you want to know what happened, and you click through and you don't get anywhere, it's because thousands of people all over the world are wanting to know, too, and are reaching out to her, and are caring about her, and her husband, and their family. Try Googling "the Sphors are multiplying" and looking at the cached result, if the links I've provided don't work.
The "Momosphere" or the "mommyblogging community" has raised over $13,000 for the March of Dimes, in less than a day, in Madeline's memory. (You can click the link if you wish to donate in Maddie's memory too). On Facebook and Twitter people are brainstorming other ways to help and show support. It's hard when someone lives far away to "be there" for them, but the "mommybloggers" are trying. Just like we're trying with Stellan (see sidebar).
That, my friends, is part of the reason why we do this. Because when another member of this weird, vast, universal sisterhood of mothers is in a crisis we can open our hearts and our wallets, and we can do something REAL and TANGIBLE to try to ease the unspeakable pain that any of us could find ourselves unexpectedly facing. We may argue about breast vs. bottle, about staying home vs. working, and so on, but when it really comes down to it, we care about each other. We care about each others' families. We recognize the universality of our experiences. We are really a part of each others' lives, just as much as we would be if we went to the same church or joined the same MOMS Club.
I hope that Madeline's parents can sleep a little easier tonight, knowing that they matter to so many people. I hope that they are comforted, knowing that so many people are grieving with them, people who never had a chance to meet their baby girl. I hope they know that we're all holding our kids a little tighter tonight and thinking of them, with tears in our eyes.
If I were thinking with my heart, instead of my head and my wallet, this little gorgeous girl would be on her way to me right now. However, I have to be a grown up (BOO, HISS!) and realize that we can't afford to take proper care of the dog we already have (remember that surgery Max needs? Yeah, we can't afford to spend $3000 on the dog right now...), much less a new one.
But YOU could. You want her, don't you? You know you do. And if you click the title of this post you can meet all her brothers and sisters, and you can get in touch with their mama and find out how you can adopt one of your very own...
Like this one!
Ok, seriously, the cute! It's blinding!!!
I love mutts. I've waxed poetic about Max enough times that you know that about me already. Mutts are the bestest dogs. These little loves came into the world by surprise - the owner adopted the Mama dog not realizing that she was already pregnant. She has a LOT of puppies, and all the no-kill shelters in her area (Nashville) are full. Transportation arrangements can be made to save these babies, courtesy of the fabulous Ivy.
Wouldn't one of these babies be a wonderful surprise in an Easter basket? Puppies are the new bunnies! Please e-mail Trace at Newscoma for further details on these gorgeous boys and girls. Or just do what I just did and add her to your feed reader, so that you can make sure that they all get homes. Because seriously, if it comes down to Tootsie up there going to a non-no-kill shelter or coming here, my heart might tell my head to go jump, and we might just end up with a dog we can't afford...
(Maria, I'm looking right at you... You need a puppy. If your Claire could talk she would be begging you for a puppy right now. You're within the limits of where Ivy will bring a pup, too. Or how about you, Shannyn. Rebe? If Ivy gets the dog to me, I'll get her to you. I'm willing to drive into Chicago, most of northern Illinois, or lower Michigan, in order to deliver. BJ has a thing coming up in Wisconsin in a couple weeks, if you're up there, Reader, we could make arrangements. Barb? Jake is lonely. Julie, not all dogs are as dumb as Nimbus was... Once you go mutt, you'll never go back!)
I feel like Oprah - YOU get a dog, YOU get a dog, YOU get a dog! Hahhaa...
I've sent Bumpa to get Megan and Trey at the airport today. Claire woke up puking (AGAIN) and even though BJ arranged to be able to stay home with her, I didn't feel like I could leave knowing she's feeling so poorly. I just want to hold her. It's all I can do to help, at this point, so I'm gonna do it. I've barely put her down today, except to shower and eat.
Did you know that the guidelines for treating vomiting and diarrhea have changed since we were kids? Yeah, I didn't either until I started googling things like "MAKE MY BABY BETTER NOW, DAMNIT, DR. GOOGLE, OR I WILL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN."
The biggest mistake that parents make when their kids have diarrhea and vomiting, next to giving the wrong fluids, is being too aggressive and giving their children too much to drink at one time. Especially if your child is vomiting frequently, instead of letting them drink whatever they want, you should limit them to just a teaspoon at a time, using a syringe, medicine dropper, or an actual teaspoon. Your can then gradually increase the amount you give at each time as your child begins to keep it down.
A good starting point is a teaspoon or tablespoon of fluid every five or ten minutes for the first hour or two, increasing to a few tablespoons at a time once the vomiting decreases and your child is keeping the fluids down well.
Which is completely different from the advice when we were kids, which was, "Nothing to eat or drink for at least four hours, if not longer, or until you can't stand the crying and begging for food and fluid any longer."
About.com also says not to give soda (there goes Sprite and Ginger Ale, which I still can't drink unless I'm sick because they remind me too much of being sick), Jello (again, something I can only eat when ill), and fruit juice. They recommend Oral Rehydration Solution, like Pedialyte, but it's NASTY. Even the doctor on call the other night said, "Well, Pedialyte's fine if you can get her to drink it, but it tastes awful. Try Gatorade." (Check with your doctor, because I know that very young babies really ought not have Gatorade... Claire's two now. Your mileage may vary.) According to About.com, you don't have to restrict dairy anymore, either, and they even go so far as to recommend yogurt, saying that it may help your child get over diarrhea (that came from the BRAT diet page).
So here's what we've been doing for the last half hour (since I read that) and Claire is already perking up. She last vomited at 9 am, and had had nothing to eat or drink since. At 11 am I gave her two teaspoons of Gatorade, using the medicine syringe. I set the timer for 10 minutes and told her that she could have more when the timer went off (which she accepted much more easily than, "You have to wait"). After 10 minutes, I gave her 3 teaspoons. After 10 minutes more, I'll give her 4 teaspoons. When she gets to an ounce (6 teaspoons), if she keeps that down for 10 minutes, I'm going to let her have a couple of bites of banana. If she keeps that down, I'm going to try some dry crackers.
If I'd known about the guideline change before, I would've started giving her fluid after an hour instead of two.
I guess you're supposed to get them back onto their regular diet as soon as they're keeping down the ORS. Not starve them for days, which is what our parents (lovingly, and using the best information they had at the time, after all, they didn't have Google in the 1970s and 1980s) did when we were sick as kids. The BRAT diet has also fallen out of favor. Even so, I'm going to stick with bland, easily digested foods like toast and bananas as opposed to more complicated foods to digest (not to mention clean up if they come back up!) like spaghetti and meatballs. But it's nice to know that if she starts begging for soup, I can give her some chicken noodle without breaking the "rules."
She's still fighting the diarrhea and the diaper rash. Bumpa picked up some acidophilus tablets at CVS that I broke open and sprinkled directly on her rash. It did look better this morning, after the oatmeal bath and Vaseline treatment we tried last night, but it's still pretty red and there are a couple open sores. We'll see how she's responding to the topical acidophillus at the next diaper change (I'm leaving her diaper area alone as much as I can, and since everything has been coming up instead of going through her, her diapers haven't been plentiful this morning).
Since I've been writing, we've passed the "four teaspoon" mark, and she's still keeping it down. That means she's had eight teaspoons, or over an ounce, with no vomiting. HOORAY FOR SCIENCE!!!
I'll keep y'all posted on how this all works out.
Meanwhile, perspective. I'm anxious for an update on little Stellan.
