The Rhetoric of the Anti-TSA Movement

I noticed something interesting earlier today...  All the people who are against the invasive screening procedures that the TSA have recently adopted are talking about three distinct groups - grandmothers, wives (especially those who are pregnant), and children.

A great deal of the discussion, though, is directed at men, in the form of, "Would you want YOUR pregnant wife or YOUR child or YOUR grannie to have to be subjected to this?"

It reminds me of the rhetoric used to inspire soldiers - protect the wives and children; women and children first, etc.

If I were writing a term paper, I'd go find specific examples, but I'd rather go downstairs and watch last night's Chuck, so I'm just going to leave you with that observation and this thought...

Aren't all of us, whether we are grannies or not, whether we "belong" to a man or not, whether we are pregnant or not, and whether we are minors or not, aren't all of us entitled to some basic measure of privacy and decency?  Shouldn't everyone, whether they are a member of one of these vulnerable populations or not, have the right to travel without (literally) being molested?

I Nest Wrong

Some people go on vacation when they're expecting.  Others will get massages, manis, and pedis at the spa.  What do we do?  Home repair and improvement.  Nesting generally isn't supposed to involve this many power tools.  But our girls wanted bunkbeds, and because of the wonky ceiling and enormous window in their room, the pre-fab one wouldn't fit...  So, we improvised.

Here's the before:

There is no potential for head injury here!  Let's elevate this bedroom!

That's better!

Mommy spent a LOT of time sanding.  We can't have our princesses pricking their fingers and then sleeping for 100 years, after all. 

Oh wait, that was a spinning wheel.  Well, whatever.  Look at all that dust!

Then Daddy sanded for a while.

So, now that we have the major structures in place, BJ is at the hardware store trying to figure out a solution for the stairs and/or ladder.  I guess what he had planned isn't working.  Some kind of saw malfunction or something.  I think leaving them this way would really cut down on the number of times the kids get up during the night, but I'd probably end up changing the sheets more often.  Do you think we could teach them to use chamber pots?

Anyway, once we have the ladder/stairs done, we'll cut the facing that will go on the front out of plywood.  Each loft will look like a castle tower, we're going to paint them gray and then sponge on some stone, maybe some arrow slits or windows or something...

...then we're going to get two identical bookshelves to put on either side (where the dressers are now), and we're going to paint the backs of the bookshelves to look castle-y too.

BJ has plans for a drawbridge in between.

We need to clear out the rug (pictured above, all rolled up and stuck against the bed) and the stand for the fish tank (BJ thinks that we should sink it into the floor to make it a moat, but I don't want fish in my bedroom ceiling). 

We have a LOT of painting to do, but I can't really do it when I'm pregnant, so it'll have to wait.  Mary Grace wants her bed "hot pink" (behind the tower face) and Claire wants hers "hot purple." 

Once we're all finished, all the stuffed animals will become Royal Subjects, and they shall move upstairs.  All the dress up clothes will make their way up to the Royal Wardrobe, too.  It should really make the family room look cleaner once we're done.

So that's what we did on our Thanksgiving break.  And now I'm thankful that BJ's going back to work tomorrow, so that I can rest!

Damnit Disney!

I was impressed with The Princess and the Frog, with its message that you have to work to make your dreams come true, but we haven't let the kids see it because we thought the voodoo stuff was too scary for them.

Mary Grace had to miss going to see Lucy and Jane when she had strep/scarlet fever, so we promised her that we'd take the four of them to see Tangled this weekend, instead.

Apparently Disney has been listening to my complaints about the princesses all these years, because this movie fixed so many of my previous princess beefs...  There may be spoilers ahead, so if you don't want the movie spoiled, you may want to save this post to read later.

1)  Ariel beef - Ariel has to give up everything she knows - her home, her family, even her voice! - to be with her beloved Eric, even though she's never even spoken to him.

Tangled Fix - not only do Rapunzel and Flynn actually get to know each other before they fall in love (gasp!), but instead of closing her off from her world and making her give up everything she knows, Flynn actually helps open the world up for Rapunzel.

2)  Sleeping Beauty beef - Aurora sits around in a coma waiting for someone to come save her.

Tangled Fix - Rapunzel kicks ass and saves herself.  And then she saves the guy.

3)  Jasmine beef - Jasmine's worth is measured by her marriageability.

Tangled Fix - No one even talks about marriage until the very, very end of the movie. 

4)  Snow White beef - Snow White's worth is measured by her beauty.

Tangled Fix - While Rapunzel is beautiful, it's not the main focus of her character.  There's a lot more to her than looks.  In the beginning there's a whole song about all the things she can do.  A princess who does things?  Woah.

Mary Grace did get scared at the end (I don't want to spoil it too much, so I won't tell you which scene, but it was brief.  Not brief enough that she didn't demand to leave the theater, but it was brief), but she's particularly sensitive to scary stories and images.  I think that Tangled would be fine for your average 5 year old.  Claire did fine.

Of course, it's Disney, so there are still Mommy issues...  But Rapunzel's real parents are kind and loving and alive.  Actually, much of the movie can be interpreted as an indictment of helicopter parents, which gives the movie another layer to like and appreciate.

I've been lying to my kids since birth, telling them that princesses get to be princesses because they're good at math and science (if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right?), but for a change, I don't feel like I need to lie about a princess.  Rapunzel can stand on her own.  It's a great movie with a great message, and just one scary part.  I can't believe that Disney is abandoning the princess thing, just when they've finally gotten it right.

And now we're going to go build the girlies castle loft beds.  Stay tuned for pictures, it's going to be awesome!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving American readers!

This year, as always, I'm thankful for my wonderful family and friends.  I'm thankful that my kids are healthy.  I'm thankful for my husband and for everything he does for our family.  I'm thankful that my pregnancy has (so far) been completely healthy and uneventful, in spite of all my worrying.  I'm thankful that the crisis at work worked out the way it did.  I'm thankful that our business has weathered the recession.  I really have so much to be thankful for, it's hard to list it all.

Photo by floodllama on Flickr - because it cracked me up

I'm especially thankful that each of you takes a moment out of your own busy life to stop by here once in a while to check in on mine.  I'm thankful for all the compassion and support you show through your comments here and on Facebook.  I really appreciate each of you.

With love,
Amy

Expectations

I went to the midwife on Monday, and everything's fine with the baby and me (heart rate: 144, measuring 34 centimeters at 34 weeks, my blood pressure was great, I gained another pound - total 17)... but I was so upset by something that I haven't been able to write about it until now.  Actually, I spent most of Monday night and Tuesday morning in tears.

The OB who delivered the girls isn't practicing in our town right now.  He left the group of physicians he was with, and had a covenant not to compete, so he can't practice here until April of next year.  I considered driving about an hour to Illinois, where he is practicing, to continue to see him - he still takes my insurance - but I decided that it would be too inconvenient, especially with my fast labors.

So when we saw the midwife for the first time, I said, "Here's the deal - with my first I had preeclampsia, was on bedrest for a week, and delivered naturally at 39 weeks in 3 hours and 45 minutes.  With my second I had preeclampsia again, I also had ICP, and I was induced at 36 weeks.  My labor was only an hour and 9 minutes.  In light of all that, and since ICP has a 60-90% chance of coming back, I want to be induced at 37 weeks.  If you can't do that, or deal with all these complications as a midwife, I'll find someone who can."  I wasn't hostile about it, I was just putting my preferences and expectations out there right up front.

She said, "Well, we don't know that the preeclampsia will come back - after all you've lost 50 pounds since then.  And there's a 10-40% chance that the ICP won't come back.  We normally induce for precipitous labor at 38 weeks."

"I can live with that," I said.

On Monday I said something about 38 weeks, and she said, "39 weeks."  Apparently (according to BJ's cousin's wife who is an L&D nurse) the rules changed about two months ago.  Of course I didn't know that at the time.  I was too stunned to even question her much.  I've gotten VERY comfortable with 38 weeks over the past 7 months, and I felt like she had pulled the rug right out from under me.  Part of my disappointment was that I felt like she'd lied to me.  That part went away when I found out that the guidelines had changed.  (In fact, some insurance companies are refusing to pay for some inductions which they deem "too early," which just makes me want to spit nails). 

Part of it was that 38 weeks is 12/22 - 39 is 12/29.  It's the difference between being enormously pregnant and uncomfortable on Christmas and having a new baby at home on Christmas.  It's the difference between having BJ home for 12 days after the baby's born, and having BJ home for 5 days after the baby's born.  It's the difference between having my mom here for a while after the baby's born, and Mom going back to Florida.  I'd gotten really, really invested in the idea of having the baby by Christmas.  More than I realized, actually. 

One of these days I'm going to learn that when I have expectations, I inevitably end up disappointed.  I sometimes wish that I couldn't think in the future tense at all.  I get these ideas in my head about how things are going to be, and then the reality is never what I had imagined, and even if the reality is better than what I imagined, I get all upset over the loss of the imagined reality.


But the main component of my 'tude about the change in plans is that I'm deeply, deeply afraid of having this baby at home.  Remember all that anxiety I've been battling?  It all came right back in spades.  I cried a lot on Monday night.  Mary Grace heard us talking and said, "Mommy, if I can come along (to the hospital) I can protect you and keep you from being afraid," and I felt horrible enough for worrying her that I was able to suck it up for a while.  I had nightmares on Monday night, and lost a lot of sleep.  Then Tuesday I cried some more.  I didn't sleep well last night, either.  The last two days have sucked.

From comics.dp.cx

Even though I wanted a homebirth with MG (BJ said, "No freaking way," though), the idea of a homebirth terrifies me now.  (I also was adamantly against being induced with MG, and now I want to be induced.  I'm like the Ziggy of childbirth).  For one thing, we have new carpet and a new mattress.  For another, what would we do with the kids?  Or the dog??  For a third, who is going to clean it up?  What if there's a blizzard and the EMTs can't get to our house?

The midwife's answer to all of this was to get a shower curtain (to protect the bed), and to visualize having the baby in a calm, controlled, normal length of time.  I'm trying, but I really don't think I can visualize my way out of this.  And a shower curtain isn't going to do diddly squat if the baby doesn't breathe (pneumothorax is a complication of precipitous labor - it means collapsed lung), or if I bleed to death, or if I have a cervical tear, or if something else tears, or if the baby is brain damaged, or any of the other bad things that can happen with precipitous labor that I'm not making up.

I feel marginally better today (mainly due to finding out that the midwife didn't lie when she said 38 weeks initially), but I might just be exhausted.  I'm trying to convince myself that Claire's labor was so fast because they induced me with Cytotec, and that I shouldn't expect this labor to be that fast again if I go into labor naturally.  I'm also trying to convince myself that the 4 hours between when they put in the Cytotec and when they broke my water "count" as labor, even though they didn't hurt and I've never thought of them as labor - I was mainly just hanging out in the hospital wondering if that twinge might have been a contraction.  I can totally get to the hospital in 5 hours and 9 minutes, or 3 hours and 45 minutes.  It's the less-than-an-hour scenario that scares me.  I'm hoping that my friend Tammy, who dreams about babies with surprising accuracy, is right when she predicts that I'll go into labor on my own on 12/15 and have a boy (12/15 is 37 weeks - the leading edge of "term").  I'm trying to remember that I have a chance of going into labor before Christmas on my own, and if not, I'm trying to get excited about a different reality for Christmas this year - mainly not having to miss all the parties leading up to Christmas.  After all, if she's not concerned enough to induce me, and if going to labor before 39 weeks on my own is so rare, then there's no reason for me to sit at home all month not having a baby.  We'll just take our shower curtain with us.

I know this is a stupid reason to be upset.  The baby is healthy.  I've been healthier than anyone expected me to be throughout the pregnancy.  I'm trying really, really hard to count my blessings.  And I'm trying to let go of all my expectations.