Things I Actually Said, Vol 53

So today I was awakened from napping with the kids by a potty emergency. MG must have dreamed that she was already in the bathroom, if you know what I mean. I took a shower, showered off the kid, brought down all the laundry, and was in the midst of sorting it (and in a pretty cantankerous mood, considering I'd just woken up in a puddle of pee), when someone knocked at the door.

I hadn't brushed my hair yet, it was dripping wet, and I was wearing an old, holey t-shirt. I looked like a joke. A bad joke.

"Hello, ma'am, my name is Brad. Now I'm not here to sell you anything..." his partner was laughing at me. Laughing. At. Me. In his defense, I looked like something out of a commercial - I was the harried, pre-Calgon mom, to a tee. However, you don't stand at my door and effing laugh at me.

Max, of course, through all of this, was losing her mind barking. So Brad is shouting at me over the barking of my dog. I peer at his shirt. Something Security.

"...I'm here to talk to you today about home security..."

"I already have a security system," I yelled over the barking.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, her name's Max," I said, glancing down at the dog, who was foaming at the mouth.

"Well ma'am..."

"She's very effective."

"I understand but..."

"Want me to open the door and demonstrate?" I said, eyebrows raised, as I moved my hand toward the knob.

"Um, that's ok," he said, taking a step backward.

"Then we're good. Have a nice day." I said, and walked away.

Good dog, Max. That's why you have your own chair: