Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Things I Actually Said, Vol 53

So today I was awakened from napping with the kids by a potty emergency. MG must have dreamed that she was already in the bathroom, if you know what I mean. I took a shower, showered off the kid, brought down all the laundry, and was in the midst of sorting it (and in a pretty cantankerous mood, considering I'd just woken up in a puddle of pee), when someone knocked at the door.

I hadn't brushed my hair yet, it was dripping wet, and I was wearing an old, holey t-shirt. I looked like a joke. A bad joke.

"Hello, ma'am, my name is Brad. Now I'm not here to sell you anything..." his partner was laughing at me. Laughing. At. Me. In his defense, I looked like something out of a commercial - I was the harried, pre-Calgon mom, to a tee. However, you don't stand at my door and effing laugh at me.

Max, of course, through all of this, was losing her mind barking. So Brad is shouting at me over the barking of my dog. I peer at his shirt. Something Security.

"...I'm here to talk to you today about home security..."

"I already have a security system," I yelled over the barking.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, her name's Max," I said, glancing down at the dog, who was foaming at the mouth.

"Well ma'am..."

"She's very effective."

"I understand but..."

"Want me to open the door and demonstrate?" I said, eyebrows raised, as I moved my hand toward the knob.

"Um, that's ok," he said, taking a step backward.

"Then we're good. Have a nice day." I said, and walked away.

Good dog, Max. That's why you have your own chair:

4 comments:

Sarah Victor said...

Yes, I have a 90 lb black lab. Cuts way down on the door to door solicitors. The best was a colleged age boy and girl selling pizza coupons? I opened the door a crack while holding Nick's collar. The black girl asks "does your dog eat dark meat?". She didn't even bother with her pitch, she was ready to leave.

Anonymous said...

OMG! I don't know what I'd do if you were any more funny!
Connie

RobMonroe said...

You're awesome! They caught us sitting on the porch a few weeks back. I walked away several times chasing Abby. Anny just sat and chatted. Argh. Nothing purchased, though...

Heather said...

Oh dear god, I wish I had a pair of brass ones JUST LIKE YOURS. Freaking hilarious.

Also, security guy - don't f*cking laugh at your potential client. Moron.