"Yeah, right," I thought.
We live near the ravine that runs down to the river, our neighbors' yards back up to it but since we're on the corner ours doesn't. We have all kinds of wildlife in this neighborhood. This mole has been screwing up our yard for a couple of years, now. We tried solar repellers like this, back when we still cared about being humane. BJ finally got serious and bought a mole guillotine, and we thought we'd killed the little bastard.
Penny has dug up half the yard, especially around the edges of the patio and the house, trying to get at the stupid mole, so I was dubious that she had actually managed to catch it as I walked outside (wearing a dress and sandals and with nothing in or on my hands to catch the mole with, because I'm an idiot). But sure enough, there she was, carrying an enormous mole around in her mouth.
I screamed. The kids screamed. Monica screamed, "What do I do? What do I do?" and I was like, "I don't know!" because no one said anything about this in any of the parenting classes we took at the hospital. There really are many topics they could cover, including, "How to Not Traumatize Your Kids With Wildlife."
I called BJ, but he had ridden his bike to work that day so it would've taken him 20 minutes to get home. As I was calling him, Penny was trotting proudly around the yard with the mole hanging out of her mouth. The kids were still screaming, and I was still hysterical, so it took him a while to figure out what was happening. He agreed to come home. I told him I'd try to catch the mole in the meantime.
I went into the garage and got a shovel and a plastic bucket. These tools were grossly inadequate. My first idea was to try to get Penny to drop the mole into the bucket. That didn't work at all. Then she put it down I tried covering the mole with the bucket, but I quickly realized that the mole would just dig into the ground and continue to destroy our yard if I did that. I would have just bashed its head in with the shovel, except for the seven kids in the yard who would have thought I was a monster and had nightmares for the rest of their lives if I had. That, and I was still wearing sandals and I didn't really want mole guts on my feet. Also, I'm a wimp.
Penny continued to toy with the mole, I think she's part cat, dropping it and picking it back up. She'd let it start to burrow into the ground and she'd grab it by the butt and trot around some more with it in her mouth. I kept hoping that she'd shake her head and break its neck. A couple of times it went stiff and I thought she had killed it, but no such luck.
Finally, after what seemed like hours but was probably only a few minutes, she dropped it near the patio and let it get away. We spent some time encouraging her to get him back, but no such luck The mole was gone.
I called BJ to let him know we'd missed the chance to kill the mole. Then I called the vet to see if I could get a ringworm preventative, because Cinders (the dog we had before kids) had gotten ringworm from sticking his nose in mole holes, but the vet said there was nothing we could do, other than wait and treat it if she comes down with it. Eeeww.
Of course, the first thing she did when I finally let her back in the house last night was lick me. Ugh.
I couldn't write about this until now because I went to bed right after dinner last night. I'd had enough, and I have a sinus infection which makes breathing a lot of work. I guess I snored like a tractor all night long. BJ's a lucky guy.