Tuesday, November 13, 2012


I totally got lit tonight with my mom and my sister, even though they're in Denver at a conference and I'm here.  There's got to be a way for Apple to make that into a Facetime commercial, for reals.

I try not to blog drunk but they went out for dinner and we lost our connection, so I'm all alone with 1/4 bottle of wine left.  And what else is a girl to do?  If I drink alone I have a problem, but if I drink with you, it's all good.

BJ is out with his friends, tonight.  He never knows what he's going to come home to, poor guy.  Tonight he gets happy-drunk wife.  I wonder if Aldi's Cheetos taste any better drunk.  Probably not.  Sometimes it's worth it to pay the extra fifty cents, you know?  Lesson learned: generic Cheetos are not worthwhile.

When I was in college, Amanda and I would play cards, drinking bad percolated coffee and eating actual Cheetos until the cards turned orange from our fingers.  Do you ever have a memory so clear you can smell it?  I miss you, Manders.  We should Facetime, too.  Get an iThing!

But this blog is not called Drunken Mommies, it is called Pretty Babies, and so I should update you on the status of the babies.

Mary Grace told me tonight that a boy is bothering her at school, because he said he would tell on her if she didn't stop chasing him.  My sage advice was to stop chasing him.  Sometimes this parenting stuff is too easy, and I wonder if it's a trick question.  She is delighted by the riddles I put in her lunch box - today's was "What do you call an alligator who is wearing a vest?"  Answer - an INVESTIGATOR.  It doesn't take much to impress a 7 year old.

Claire's lunch notes are harder to write because her reading skills are just emerging.  Today I drew a dachshund (which is virtually impossible to spell after 3/4 of a bottle of wine - thanks spell check!) and wrote "I can draw a little dog.  Love, Mom."  All words that she can read.  It's going to be lots more fun when she can read more words.  Watching a child learn to read is like watching a flower bloom.  That's some deep shit, right there.  Yo.

Jack is still (perpetually) in the psychotic squirrel phase of development.  I'm still cleaning up mess #1, when he's completed mess #2 and is moving on to mess #3.  But he's so damn cute.  He said the word "apple" today for the first time for Erin and then for me.  He totally stepped on the dog yesterday and the Penny grumped, but didn't bite.  Good dog.

I should really drink some water and take some ibuprofen.  Oh my.  I just finished my third glass of wine.  I am a cheap date.  It is taking a great deal of effort to avoid spelling and grammatical errors.  I should probably eat something before bed.  I am currently into plums.  I have some, but I'm afraid that I'd sever an artery if I tried to cut one up.  I don't think they taste as good if you eat them whole.  Is that weird?

I miss my brother.

Oh crap, I'm turning into a sad sappy drunk.  I'd better stop now, before this gets maudlin.

(Bonus points for correctly spelling a $10 word while inebriated).

(Inebriated is also a $10 word! - Double points!)

1 comment:

Bev said...

Too funny...my last laugh of the day!