I've noticed a pattern with this blog. When someone compliments me on my writing, on a particular post or overall, I clam up. Particularly if that person is someone I didn't expect to be a reader of this blog. Sure, I knew they knew about it, but I just figured they didn't read regularly...
I have a mental image of my audience - my mom, my step-mom, my sister, my aunt Kathryn and cousin Kelly, Amanda, Barb, a few more friends... BJ, so he knows what I'm saying about him. I know that I average about 5000 page views a month, and I know that those dozen or so people can't be responsible for all of those hits, intellectually. But it's something I put out of my head, most of the time. I don't check my stats all that often.
Stats make me feel naked.
BJ's aunt Maria said something very kind and complimentary to me the other night when she was here, and since then? I've got nothin'.
It's almost as though I feel like I need to live up to the compliment, and that added pressure puts my self-criticism into overdrive. A healthy amount of self-criticism means that I maintain a high standard of writing (proper punctuation, spelling, etc.). Too much and I feel like I can't write anything interesting enough.
And of course, there's a difference between a relative who I respect and love and don't see very often, and a stranger. I'm much more concerned about how the relative interprets what she reads than the average stranger who passes through looking for the key to surviving "two under two."
Of course, like anyone, I love to receive compliments. I just need to find a way to keep them out of my mojo!
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