I almost ended this blog the other day when I posted about how I no longer have a baby in the house. I wrote my goodbye and had BJ read it before I chickened out.
Part of the reason I wanted to blog about the kids' lives is because I have a terrible memory (ask anyone), and I wish I had proof that I could go back and read of where I've been and what I've done. I always wanted to be a journal-keeper, but I never had the self-discipline.
But I don't feel like the kids' stories are mine to tell, anymore. They have their own voices. And while they can't yet type, a part of me feels that they have the right to be the authors of their own lives at this point. I have the responsibility to relinquish that control to them, at some point. I don't want them to look back and wonder if they turned out a certain way because that's who they truly are, or if it's because I wrote their character a certain way.
And right now I find myself in the middle of the winter blahs - we've been stuck in the house for decades and the kids are sick every 10 minutes (Claire today, puking. Yay.) and it just doesn't lend itself to scintillating blog fodder.
I've learned that there are only a few paths to becoming a rich/famous/popular/"A-list" blogger. I won't name names, but basically you have to either 1) do something first, 2) do it better than anyone else, 3) be a social climber willing to use and manipulate people for your own advancement, 4) or have a personal tragedy. I certainly wasn't the first mommyblogger to come on the scene, there are plenty of writers more talented, I'm unwilling to use people, and I wouldn't wish a personal tragedy on myself or anyone... So where does that leave me? Do I even want to be a "big" blogger? I don't really think so.
I'm honestly not sure where to go, so I turn to you... My audience. The people I write for. What do you want to see me do? What do you come here to read? To see? Should I change course? Keep at it? Quit altogether?