Friday, February 12, 2010

No More Babies

It has been over a year since I nursed a baby.

No one sleeps in a crib in our house, anymore.

And, except for nighttime, no one wears diapers anymore, either.

I don't have a baby in the house, for the first time since August, 2005, and it feels so weird.

If I could go back and talk to Amy the New Mom, I would tell her so many things -

Don't worry so much about the details, they'll work out.  The sink will not always be full of dishes and the house won't always be a mess.  And if it is, it doesn't matter, anyway.  The only person who cares is you.  All of the things you think are so important - what the baby eats, where she sleeps, all the things you worry over - they're not that big a deal.  Just relax and do whatever feels right to you and your husband.  

You won't always have to be with them every second of every day.  You will sleep again, and once you do the sleep deprivation won't seem so bad.  It won't always be this hard.  There will be moments when it's really great - probably more than your fair share - so quit your bitching and just go with it, already.  You're doing fine.   You're not as bad at this as you think you are.  Your babies are going to turn into great kids.  And this baby stuff, it's only a short season in your life, in their lives, so try to enjoy the snuggles and having them all to yourself, instead of feeling stuck and resenting that they need you so much.  It goes so fast, and believe it or not, you're going to miss it when it's gone.

In other words, I would say everything that other people said - all the things that annoyed the crap out of me when I was in the midst of it.  But seriously, if you're a new mom and you're reading this, and you are overwhelmed and you think that motherhood is just endless work, and you're wondering what you've gotten yourself into - know that all the stuff that people say that annoys you, about how you'll miss it someday, all of it's true.  Sorry.  


Bev said...

I am a grandma to 10 & 8 year old boys and their 6 year old sister who are the absolute lights of my life. That said, I have had the same feelings, perhaps even more intently, since they will surely be the last babies in my life...and how I've loved the babies in my life...through all the stages of their lives. All I can say is store those stories and memories...sweetly sad, sadly sweet...

mamameah said...

Love the post Amy. My kids are the same ages as yours (I think) however I'm not above water just yet. Hopefully soon! Good to hear it happens.

Bev - I just want to say you rock. I wish my kids had grandparents who said such kind words about them and loved them like that!

Mom said...

As you said a while back, "when your kids are little, the days are long but the years are short". I have always thought that was one of the most profound and insightful comments I have ever heard.
I miss you kids being little, but I also enjoy your company as adults so much. I guess we just have to treasure every stage, and appreciate them as much as we can, even though at the time they may seem less than cherishable.
What a shame that you can't be there to help every mom through those initial few months! Maybe through your blog you kinda can!
You never cease to amaze me.

Natalia said...

This is so true! My son is going on 6 and I would love to go back for a day or two to when he was 1 and wanted me to hold and love on him all the time!

MommyNamedApril said...

thanks for this :-)

Amber said...

I only have a 2 yr old daughter and I am already missing all the baby stuff, it seems like each day she is showing me how big she is....hopefully more babies are in our future. I can totally see where you are coming from.

Kelly said...

i have 2 little ones and have been overwhelmed by everything that parenting a 2 year old and a nine month old requires lately, thanks for the great reminder to keep it in perspective. :)

Becky said...

My daughter is 8 and my son is 4. I agree with you Amy. I went to a church moms group and held a friend's 6 month-old baby to get by "baby fix." This baby girl and I have bonded the couple times I've held her, and the mom is grateful for a short break. Then another baby spit up everywhere on the mom and another baby had to be changed. I remembered that I miss the hugs, the nursing, but NOT the diapers and spitup :)

Amy said...

Thanks. I'm currently overwhelmed trying to keep up with an active 3 year old, a 9 month old that won't sleep in his crib for longer than an hour, a busy job, two naughty cats, a 100-year old house all while having an MIA husband at least once a day as he tries to keep up with the snowiest February in our city's history (and 11 days to go!).

My parents have been with us for a few days, and even with them lightening my load I'm exhausted. Thank you for the reminder that this is a short period in their life.

I'm trying to enjoy the nursing and the "firsts" while they last. But no way in h*ll am I going to miss the diapers! :-)

Anonymous said...

I am a SAHM to a three year old and six month old and am and feeling very fatigued and frazzled a lot of the time. Your post made me smile and breathe a great sigh of relief. You reminded me that it isn't as bad as it sometimes feels. Thank you.