Monday, January 30, 2012


For about eleven seconds today, all of the laundry was done.  I hate it when all the laundry is done, because then I start thinking about all the laundry that I never do.  It's stupid to add to Mt. Laundry when it's piled to the ceiling - you don't strip beds when you have eleven loads of laundry to do.  But when all the normal laundry is clean, you start thinking crazy thoughts about sheets and mattress pads and duvets and coats and dusty curtains and suddenly it dawns on you that you're Sisyphus and you will never be done.  Because in the exceptionally unlikely event that you lost your mind and washed all the slip covers and kids blankets and sleeping bags and stuffed animals and dress up clothes and pillow shams and all the everything fabric in the house*, by the time you were done with that the mountain of everyday laundry would rival Mount Olympus.

Similarly, my kids have barely finished lunch when I start thinking about dinner.  Being a mom is a lot like being a hamster on a wheel - you run all day, but you never really get anywhere.  I can't tell you how many times I've made my grocery list during a meal - because while I was cooking I was in the kitchen noticing all the things that were running low or gone, and when is a better time?  I'll forget by the time I finish my veggies.

I just remembered that the kids left their clothes where they fell when they changed into their PJs.  Better go grab those...

...see what I mean?

Grandmother Diana came down today and we did a little running around.  She has been on vacation, so it was really nice to see her again.  Erin's daughter has pink eye, so Jack and I will be hanging out together tomorrow morning while the girls are at school.  Weird.  Why is pink eye such a big deal?  I know it's really contagious, but it's just pink eye.  It's not really even that uncomfortable.  Sometimes it itches, but it's not like you feel sick when you have it.  It's crummy to have a kid who feels perfectly well, but can't go to school or do anything, so we don't want to catch it.  Hopefully J. will be all better soon, and L. won't catch it!

When we got home from running around I had a letter in the mailbox from the IRS that was entirely in Spanish.  Que?  I don't speak Spanish, but Brandon translated the gist of it for me via text message, and I spent about 20 minutes on hold before Betty White (no, really, that was her name) told me that it was just an automated letter about something I already took care of last year, and that she'd review it and close the case on our 2008 taxes.... Oh, but by the way, your 2009 returns are flagged for audit.


Hold the phone, there, Rose!  "Isn't there some big red button you can push that says 'don't audit these folks, they're really nice***' over there, Ms. White?  Because I'd really like it if you'd push that button right now."  She asked me to hold while she reviewed the case.  "I don't see any red flags.  Don't lose any sleep - this should be dismissed.  They probably won't even contact you."

"Can I get that in writing?"


What was funny is that I was very, very nice to Betty White the entire time we were talking, because I have a policy of not pissing off people who can initiate an audit against me.  So she told me the same information over, and over, and over, and over.  I could tell that she didn't want to end the call with me and go on to her next call which had a high probability of being from some irate taxpayer.

All told, the mysterious Spanish IRS letter took 45 minutes to fix.  Thank goodness Grandmother Diana was here to entertain the troops!

* Actually, now that I think about it, it wasn't that long ago that we had a lice scare and I did wash every inch of fabric in the house that I could fit in my washing machine, with the exception of the curtains because I honestly didn't think of it, so maybe it's not quite as bad as all that.  But I don't need another lice scare to motivate me...  I think we've had enough of that for one lifetime**!

** I've totally tempted fate, now, and we're going to get lice.

** Bring it.  (The audit, that is, not the lice.  Jeez, Louise, please not the lice.)  We've done nothing wrong, we have nothing to hide.  I ain't afraid of no audit****!

****  While it is technically true that we've done nothing wrong and we have nothing to hide, I AM afraid of an audit (and lice) just because it sounds like a big, scary pain in the neck (so is lice), so even though I'm giving off all kinds of false bravado here, Betty White, please don't audit me (or give my kids lice)*****.

***** Which would you rather endure?  An IRS audit or head lice?


Pamela said...

We were audited this summer for 2009 and it was a colossal P.I.T.A. And the agent was a mouth-breathing chatty Cathy who never returned our phone calls. I guess we passed, but who knows? Totally stressful.

Rob Monroe said...

I love when I can't keep track of one blog post, so thanks for that! :)

I feel the same way about an audit - I have nothing to hide, but what if I do and just don't know it!?! EEK!

Dorothy said...

I've been through a couple of audits for the company I work at and it wasn't that scary at all. The only problem we had was that before I got there the company wasn't very well organized so the audits had to do with those years and it was my job to gather all the required paperwork. As long as you're organized and have all your papers easily accessible it's really not a big deal.

Heidi said...

Audit. Definitely the audit.

Three kids with acres of hair. (lice = my job)

Married to a CPA. (audit = his job)

It's a no-brainer, really ;)