So I was just sitting here, minding my own business this afternoon, when all of a sudden Tertia chatted me! I've been reading Tertia's blog for about 3 years, now. It was kind of like having one of your favorite authors stop by and ask if she could borrow your dictionary for a minute. I was all a-flutter! Tertia gets more hits in a day than I do in a month! She is a regular mommyblogging celebrity! She's a published author!! I'm using too many exclamation points!!!
I helped her think of the word she wanted, all the while acting like a complete asshole - telling her how much I love her blog and asking for an autograph like some groupie, instead of playing it cool, just as I would if I met any celebrity. Then she said I was "intelligent" and a "genius" and she offered to link to my blog. Oh. My. God.
This means I need to spruce up the joint, folks, because that company's coming. Because Tertia's legions of adoring fans are going to see that link and click over here to see what I'm all about. Maybe even Julie, who is the other blogger that I want to be when I grow up. They're both so cool and funny. And I feel like the dorky awkward middle school kid. I've been sitting here with a bad case of writers block for over an hour trying to figure out what I'm going to write about so that Tertia's readers won't think I'm an asshole, and they will add me to their Google Reader or blogroll or whatever, so that someday I can be popular too. Meanwhile, I'm wearing a pink taffeta dress that is all wrong, I'm stuttering, I have spinach in my teeth and bad breath, and I'm saying something stupid like, "I carried a watermelon," like Baby in Dirty Dancing (I can't believe I just referenced Dirty Dancing - hello, 1987 called. They want their movie back!).
I could repost the one that I wrote when I was drunk, but that could be embarrassing... I could tell a hilarious Mary Grace story, but hello! Writer's block! She has not been at all funny in weeks. Just like her, to decide to not be funny when I need her. I could post a bunch of pictures so cute that they'll make your eyes hurt (ok, tomorrow, I promise pictures. E-mail me if you want access to the web album of the zoo pictures). I could get all serious and post something deep and moving that will cause all of Tertia's legions to cry, and to think that I'm brilliant, and to want to come back for more every day... God, what pressure! Maybe being a dork is my best defense*. Maybe if I'm a dork they'll look, say, "Wow what a dork!" and move on, so that I don't have to feel like I need to be cute and charming and smart and funny anymore.
Yes, I think that's the best idea. Hello Tertia's legions! Nothing to see here. Have a nice day!
(*After all, BJ knew me in middle school, and he loves me anyway, so I can't have been that bad, right?)