I took the kids to the city pool today because it's hotter than blue blazes outside (whatever that means) and we were bored.
I sat them on the edge of the "big pool" where neither of them can touch the bottom unless their faces are in the water, and they took turns coming in the water with me and floating around for a few minutes. At one point I had them both up there, and we were all splashing each other.
"Excuse me," said a skinny woman with an enormous camera, "I'm from the local paper and we're doing a story about the heat. I got a picture of you splashing with your kids and we may run it early next week. Can I get your names?"
But what I heard was, "Everyone in town is going to see you and your enormous ass in that swimsuit that you bought at Walmart, hot stuff."
Like an idiot, I gave her our names.
I'm never leaving the house again.