Wednesday, June 30, 2010

What To Expect When You're Expecting Your Third Child

It seems like all of the books, websites, e-mails and apps about pregnancy are geared toward the first-time mom.  It's understandable, I guess.  If I were any sort of a decent mother I'd be too busy taking care of the kids I've got to read about the kid I'm expecting.  I remember feeling very guilty about this when I was pregnant with Claire - as if her fetal mind knew that I wasn't monitoring the development of every toenail the way I did when I was pregnant with Mary Grace.

But my kids are big enough to entertain themselves quite a bit, now, and I have time to read again (hooray!).  And it's all very 100 level stuff.  There is certainly room in the world for a book about subsequent pregnancies.  It would include such wisdom as:
  • Your prior pregnancies have destroyed any abdominal muscles you might have had to begin with, so you will begin showing before you even know you're pregnant.  People will consistently think you're 2-3 months farther along than you are.  You will be asked, "Are you sure it's not twins?" often.  Try not to take it personally.
  • You will be more tired and more achy with this pregnancy than you were before.  It's partly because you're older, it's partly because you're taking care of a kid or two while trying to grow another one, and it's partly because subsequent pregnancies are harder.  Symptoms, like back pain and round ligament pain, will begin earlier and be more intense.  Suck it up, Cupcake, there's nothing you can do.  Oh, and just wait until you feel the after-labor pains this time.  You'll refuse to leave the hospital until your husband gets a vasectomy.  (No personal experience with this one, yet, but I've heard... and it scares me!)
  • On the other hand, the third pregnancy is better because you have evidence that you'll get through it.  You aren't as afraid of labor because you've done it before.  It's not some scary unknown.  It's do-able.  You won't have as much anxiety about the baby as you did before, either.  Maybe this is why third children tend to be mellow.
  • Your older kid(s) will push on your tummy at least eleven times a day, and you'll be convinced that your baby will be born with bruises from head to toe.  (I'll let you know in December whether or not that actually happens.  Fortunately, this mom-to-be-again has enough padding, still, to protect the baby from sibling elbows).  Speaking of padding....
  • All of your friends will be dieting, and your husband will lose all the sympathy weight he gained when you were pregnant the first time (or two) and you will feel like a whale (see above re: abs).
Chapters would include:
  • Nap Strategies - how to get your older kids to let you sleep for 20 minutes so you don't pass out when you're driving later.  (Hint - take the kids to McDonald's Play Place, put on your giant sunglasses, and doze while they play).
  • The Mom Diet - can you grow a healthy baby on raisins, Chicken McNuggets and PB&J?  (Hint - no.  Your kid will weigh 97 pounds at birth if you try.  Be sure to take a vitamin and eat a vegetable once in a while).
  • Lower Expectations - housework strategies for pregnant women with toddlers or preschoolers in the home.  (Hint - tell the kids that scrubbing the floor is fun and get them to do it until you're so big you can't see your feet or the floor anymore.  At that point, who cares?)
  • Time Warp - why this pregnancy is going faster than your previous one(s) and what to do about it.  (Hint - paint the nursery as soon as the plus appears on the pregnancy test, because this kid is going to arrive before you know it).
What would you include in the What to Expect When You're Expecting Again book?  Any publishers out there who want to give me a big fat advance check to write this thing?

42 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think you are an amazing mom who is already accomplishing something lots of moms don't: encouraging your older children to bond with each other and the baby. Great job Amy!
-Becky

Heidi said...

I actually laughed out loud at your comment on the ab's that were. I suspected I was pregnant with my third when my pants felt tight. That was my first symptom - days before nausea, exhaustion or a positive test. My poor abdomninal muscles said "What? Again?! Didn't we just do this?!! Forget it lady - we quit."

By the time I was six months along everyone assumed it was twins. Here's the kicker - I gained a total of 13 pounds with that pregnancy (and delivered an 8 lb 5 oz baby.) No matter how much/little you gain, you will look HUGE this time around. Give in and get out the comfy pants now.

Rob Monroe said...

Did you know that your baby does not have to have been born to have the vasectomy. :o)

Hope you get your naps in - for everyone's sake!

AmyBeth said...

I am also on baby #3. I am just shy of 28 weeks and I swear if another person asks if I am having twins or if I have my due date wrong, I might just hurt someone. Also, the round ligament pain is unbearable! It got better around the 20th week, but now at 27 weeks it is back. This pregnancy has been harder on me, I am more tired, more emotional, more uncomfortable.... etc. I was thinking the same thing you said... everything is geared towards being a first time mom there is nothing for 2nd or 3rd pregnancies. Good Luck to you!

Stacey said...

I would include: Don't expect people to go head over heals in excitement for you when you tell them you're pregnant...Again. But don't let this take away from your excitement!

angel0199 said...

You should write a book. There is a blogger book boom going on right now. 2 bloggers I follow have book deals. Obviously there is a need for this info.

By 7 months pregnant with number two I had outgrown my favorite pregnancy pants that had lasted me until number one was born nine days past her due date.

My neighbor is currently pregnant with #3 and wanted to wait till 12 weeks before sharing the news, but she was showing too much by 10 weeks.

Kelly said...

Ha Ha, loved this post! I am 10weeks into my third and you had me laughing out loud! Can't wait to read more!

Anonymous said...

Ditto Heidi! What a comfort to read these third time around comments and know I'm not alone. Definitely write that book. I'd buy it in a heartbeat =0)

Kia said...

I agree you need to write a book. I am surfing the internet like crazy trying to find information about this third pregnancy. It almost feels like my first. This was hilarious and I needed it. I was starting to feel alone at 10 weeks pregnant and looking like a blimp. smh

Unknown said...

Thanks. Just found out im preagnant like an hour ago. So worried. I have a 3yr old soon to be 4. And a two year old. My husband did not take the news that great. So . Laying here in bed sad and read this. And started laughing super loud. I swear I thought I was going to wake the house up. Thanks for the pick me up and making me smile.

Unknown said...

Man....im trying to figure out if im pregnant or not my pelvic bone keeps popping ugh with every single darn preg. Symptom!! And now I got this weird ta taste in my mouth that no matter what I eat or drink it's still the same taste the reason why I am in denial is because my boyfriend had a vasectomy 10 years ago crazy huh!?! I have a 6yr old turning 7 in may and a 3yr old so I kinda know about symptoms but due to his operation I feel like a newly pregnant chick all over again ughhh this sucks! Lol

Unknown said...

That's funny I'm over here going crazy because I experience all the pregnancy symptoms I already have a 6 year old and a 3 year old my 6 year old will be 7 in May and now I experienced my pelvic bone popping pretty weird I remember that for my first 2 pregnancies I'm still waiting to find out the only catch that makes me question about this 1 is that my boyfriend had a vasectomy 10 years ago I've heard of women getting pregnant like that so im here feeling like a newly pregnant chick Google-ing all the symptoms like my first UGHHHH!!!!! LOL but the blogs help ease the anxiousness hehehe

njohnson512 said...

Thank you for your post I am on my third baby I am 12 weeks as of today I have a two year old soon to be three and a 6 month old yes 6 months its not a typo. When the If your told you can't get pregnant while breastfeeding its a trick LOL. I am just wondering if the short period between the pregnancies will make any difference.

njohnson512 said...

Thank you for you post. I am 12 weeks pregnant with my third child. I have a 2year old soon to be three and a 6 month old yes I said 6 month old it is not a typo. If your ever told you can't get pregnant while breastfeeding its a trick LOL. I am experiencing all the back pains and pelvic shifts the funny part is these are the things I experienced in my third trimester with the other two and I'm feeling them now and I'm barely in my second trimester. I'm wondering if the short length in time between pregnancies could be the cause. Also I would definitely buy your book if you published one.

Tay6 said...

I too am pregnant with my third! I have two girls, 6 and 2. I am so happy reading this to know that I am not just a whimp since every ache and pain is worst this time. I have aches in places I never had with my other two! I would buy your book without hesitation. I hesitate to tell my Dr about all of my issues assuming she will tell me I'm crazy lol. Thanks so much for this post!!

Im not crazy after all!!!! Yay Me!!! said...

I am 7 weeks into my 3rd. It is comforting to know that I am not losing my mind with the back pain and all the other symptoms. I cant wait to go home and tell my husband im not alone and I am not making it up for attention, its all normal...Thank you so much for the relief...Lol!!!1

Unknown said...

I am 8 weeks and pregnant with my third, i have a soon to be 4year old, and a soon to be 2 year old who i am still nursing, i would love a book to read, i feel like no one understands how tired i am all the time, and my iron is just fine :) Its just hard with two toddlers :) love your post. Thanks

Unknown said...

Wow, kidna scared now :/ not pregnant but wont more kids in the future when i was pregnant with my daughter i had morning sickness from 4 weeks, showing by 5-6 weeks and by 18 weeks people kept asking if i was ready as bubs can be here any day :/ as soon as i mentioned how far along i was they would looked shocked and ask me if i was having twins or triplets :/ then i was constantly told she would be massive. she ended u being 8lb 3 1/2oz

angelmama said...

I found this after typing into google "what to expect from your 3rd pregnancy". I am going on 7 weeks with my 3rd, I have an almost 6 year old and a 4 year old, who will be 5 by the time baby comes. It actually feels like my last pregnancy was another era, so much has changed for me in those 5 years!! So I'm embracing this like a first time mother, excited about knowing what is to come, but definitely feeling like it is my 3rd pregnancy! My boobs are HUGE and so achy! Round ligament pain ALREADY scares the crap out of me for the next 34 weeks. And I'm also thinking it will be hard to make it to 12weeks before people guess as I'm already as bloated as I was at 14 weeks last pregnancy! I never sufferered morning sickness with either of my boys and feel the same this time around. I wonder if that means another boy?!

Augustrican said...

This was absolutely hilarious. Loved reading it. Im 39 (soon to be 40) and pregnant with 3rd child. I have 2 daughters ( 8 & 2). I already look 4 months and Im weeks along. And, Im yawning as I type! Talk about tired! Geez! I work a full time job and during the day is when I want to sleep but when I should be sleeping, it's like I become an insomniac. LOL! But, happy as heck! Thanks for the honesty!

Preggers said...

Thanks for this - its the only reasonable piece of content re: having a third baby that I have found/ read - and I have really searched (am now eight months). If someone could just have said: you will look larger and physically it will hurt more - I'd know and be happy. Like you say - it is what it is - suck it up! but no one says! write the book. people will buy it. you write really well - you made me laugh out loud. x

Unknown said...

I'm 6 weeks with my third and it's been 12 years between pregnancies lol. My back aches and I dnt sleep well but I'm super excited and feel like I'll be showing very soon! My kids are excited and it's great to share this with them and knowing I can do it and what to expect for the most part is helping. But like every other mom to be that commented this was the most helpful find. There really is nothing out there for third time mommies. Ty for the laugh and helpful information. wishing all you mom's good luck and healthy babies!!

Unknown said...

Thank you everyone. I'm 39 as well. My girls are 12 and 9. Surprise, baby #3. I feel bloated, I have pain everywhere. I can't sleep at night. I'm glad you all brought out the honest truth. I'm glad it's normal to feel like I do at just 6 weeks along. I'll definitely be in maternity clothes by 8 weeks. Maybe sooner??? Oh geez. God bless all us mommys and our babies.

Sophie said...

I am 33 and 10 weeks pregnant tomorrow. I have two sons. One will be 13 this year and the other will be 7.

This really made me laugh. I started showing at 6 weeks this time. I feel silly as I just look fat. And most people don't know yet.

My body hurts loads, my mood swings are enormous, my nipples are agony, I am so tired!!! This time is so far a lot more intense!

Anon said...

So so pleased to have found this link! I ditto the majority of comments above. I am 18 weeks pregnant with my 3rd. Already have two boys 7 and 9 years old but so so much has changed and the only comments i get is "are you mad" or "wow you look huge" equally,i run a business and now two staff members have decided to leave, so its me running the show. Deep down i think lots of women would like more children but rather than be happy for another person you just get negative comments.. their own insecurities i guess

Unknown said...

Thanks for your article! I'm 8 wks preg with #3 and I feel like I'm already 5 mos along! Clothes are already tight, etc. As an over-weight mommy, I was worried that this was all connected to my weight. Good to know it's pretty much par for the course. And I agree completely that we need more mommy-to-be-again (like that term!) stuff. Like pregnancy apps. I've got a few on my phone and they are all geared toward first-timers. Where are the daily notifications that it is time to start potty-training your toddler if you expect to be done before baby arrives? :-)

Unknown said...

Hello I am having sore boobs back hurts my stomach is bloated I have been crying for no reason non stop getting irritated easy tired all the time head aches acne (my skin never breaks out) dizzy blurry vision my dreams are crazy lately I'm a couple days late on period but test says negative l...This would be #3 for me if I am pregnant...is it normal for the test to be negative if your having all of these symptoms?

A.Wolfram said...

Good info. I haven't missed my period as of yet and the tests I have taken have all been negative. But everything that I am feeling is like my 2 previous just exaggerated. My boobs hurt so bad (worse than normal pms) I felt bloated early on and feel like u can't hold in my stomache muscles like i could a few weeks ago. All this is odd bc my husband had vasectomy 7 yrs ago. So I don't know if I am in just disbelief of what.

Unknown said...

I tested negative on 2 tests, not even 4 days later I had 2 positive tests. Trip to the dr confirmed I was pregnant!

kerry said...

Hi girls I just found out last week that I was 5 weeks preg with my third so I'm 6 weeks 1 day 2day I had no symptoms with my first and I was really dizzy with my second all the time which is what gave it away this time dizzy again and tiered as hell I'm showing already and have a scan in 2 weeks hoping I might have twins ☺ but happy either way I have a girl just turned 7 and my son is 2 and a half .loved reading all the posts I have already had jokes about twins my pants are snug and some one even said are you sure your dates are right no one but me and hubby are excited everyone's like oh yeah another one on the way but my daughter is super excited and wants a girl I did tell her thou if its as noisey as her I'll send it back lol great to hear so much about 2 and 3rd pregnancies somewhere to lift our spirits .please write your book its great

Unknown said...

I am glad there are other mothers feeling like me. I have a 14year old and 4 year old and I am 14weeks pregnant and feeling like the beginning of third trimester. Belly big, sore all over, breathing heavy, etc. God help us!

Unknown said...

I am going to be 30 in june with a 7yr old and a 1 going on 2 yrs old now i am expecting again and showing at 9 weeks and this time around it is a whole lot harder and I very much feel like garfield the cat in all his glory lol. Good luck to all the expecting mommys out there!

unexpectedpregnancy said...

Found out I was pregnant 1 week before my period was even late. This will be baby #3 for me. My body really told me I was. Abdominal cramping and boobs hurting were give aways. I must confess I wasn't expecting this and now I'm scared after getting the confirmation from the doctors. I have a 8 and a 7 year old and it was hard for me. I have no idea how raising number 3 will be.

Unknown said...

It's so good to read these! I told a close friend's mom today that I'm pregnant (8 wks today with #3) and after congratulations and hugs, she said, "I kinda thought you were!" I said, "Oh really? How?" She said, "Well, you kinda LOOK it. I've thought that a few times today when I've looked at you." I wasn't sure how to take that, but I'm thinking we won't be able to wait until 12 wks to tell people! I was even wearing a baggy shirt!

Lexie Sarenco said...

Super good point!

Amanda said...

7 months with my 3rd so far no back pains I'm not bigger I actually look 6 month's the only issue i have is indigestion and insomnia

@els said...

I'm 42, mom of two teenagers, had a tubal ligation 14years back and out of the blue, ALL the pregnancy symptoms in 'highspeed'. Bump already showing (the same size at 5months along with the first 2) but the locum doctor did abdominal scan (heard NO sounds even) said no baby!?? What?? Do have a cyst on left ovary but I've had them since 17yrs I DO Not have cysts like symptoms at all no pains ect just feels and look pregnant, no period just spottings that stopped a week ago so this mom is freaking out no positive condirmation as yet due to no medical aid and our state hospital won't do scan that quick again. Help anyone? Love this page and all your comments.

Amy said...

@els - that sounds so stressful! Please let me know what happens. ❤

Unknown said...

So, I'm almost 24 and it's looking like I'm pregnant with 3rd baby.. period is due in two days but I've been nauseous for a week, breasts are filling up and hurt, frequent urge to urinate, pelvic popping, can't get comfortable, pants getting to tight, craving weird food, certain smells turn my stomach, been tired a lot, headaches, moody and things downstairs are kinda pointing towards pregnancy again. I have two boys 4 and 1.

Mamaof4 said...

People are alot more excited when it's the first pregnancy but LESS excited on the 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc. I'm pregnant with my baby #3 and I'm 18w 2days and these last 2 days I been feeling my baby kick and move and they feel a lot more stronger as the days go by but my first child didn't feel him move til I was 26weeks my second son I felt him move around 20 weeks. And now this baby i started feeling movement around actually 18weeks but I don't know the sex of this baby til September 12th @2pm I got 2 boys(3yr and 1yr) and now I'm hoping for my girl

Unknown said...

Wow now I don't feel so crazy knowing everyone else is having the same symptoms I am. I'm eight weeks pregnant with my third child. I have two beautiful girls ages 4 and 7. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this and would legit buy your book if you wrote one..keep doing what you're doing. You rock!!

Unknown said...

A third pregnancy is truly no Walk in the park. I am at 7 weeks and I'm always feeling tired and so many cravings, I kept wondering why this time around seems so difficult and exhausting.I have a 6yr old daughter and 2 year old son. Hoping for a girl though. My mom thinks my belly looks like I'm in the third trimester but it's just the beginning. I'm glad I'm not alone in this coz I felt this is my worst pregnancy by far. Nevertheless I'm excited with baby nr 3. Hopefully the 2nd trimester might treat me better.