Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Will Blog for Swag

If there is a laptop manufacturer out there who wants to give me a laptop to "review" indefinitely, that would be awesome. I would write lovely prose and sing your praises to all the land. E-mail me!


So we're at Walmart the other day, which was stupid, because every freshman in the world was also at Walmart that day. You'd think after living in a Big 10 town for, what 10 years, now, I'd have figured out that going to any Mart on the weekend that the kids arrive is a Bad Freaking Plan.

Anyway, we're at Walmart, and we're just getting to the check out lane (thankfully it was the one right by the restrooms... you see where this is going, right?) and in the middle of my $80 transaction, MG says, "Mommy, I have to pee...." as she runs for the women's restroom (thank you, God, that she went in the women's and not the men's!!) So, I am faced with a dilemma... Do I

A) abandon Claire, the cart, and all the stuff to chase her into the restroom,
B) take Claire, the cart, and about $80 worth of now-shoplifted-because-I-went-past-the-Point-of-Sale merchandise and chase MG into the bathroom, or
C) finish the transaction and hope for the best.

I looked at the cashier, hoping that she would provide some clue as to the standard operating procedure in such situations. She didn't offer to finish scanning my stuff, or at least hold my place in line while I retrieved MG, so I sighed and said, "Well, I guess she'll figure something out," finished my transaction with as few jokes about swirlies as possible, and I double-timed into the bathroom after her.

Claire, the full cart, and I steered through the gauntlet of random tile walls to enter the bathroom, and were immediately confronted with two really little, really old ladies. I was already calling MG's name as we entered the bathroom, so it was obvious that the half-naked toddler alone in the scary Walmart bathroom belonged to me. The looked at me askance. "She took off!" I cried, "What was I supposed to do?!"

"Well, I never..." they said as they peered down their wrinkled noses at me.

"Oh for God's sake," I said under my breath as I elbowed past them (abandoning Claire at the threshold of the bathroom, which probably irritated them even further). Mary Grace was in the first stall, with the door wide open, shouting to the entire store, "Mommy! I peed!"

I was torn, should I scold her for running off, praise her for using the bathroom all by herself, scold her for running off, praise her for staying dry, scold her for running off, or praise her for staying out of the men's room? For the benefit of the blue hairs, who were still muttering in my general direction as they made their way, snail-like, to the stewed prunes (or whatever judgmental old ladies eat), I said, "Mary Grace, you can NOT leave Mommy in the store like that. I was really scared! You did a really good job going to the bathroom all by yourself, and I'm really proud, but next time you need to wait for me, ok? Otherwise the old ladies judge me!"


Mandy said...

Ha ha ha! Oh, that's a funny story - a keeper to recount at graduation, perhaps? ;-D

Gotta love the judgies, huh? Especially the blue-haired variety. I pray to God that I'm not like that when I'm old. (But God knows I probably will be. "Dag burned yungens runnin around with no supervision....tsk, tsk." ha ha ha!)

moosh in indy. said...

shoosh it old ladies. toddlers plan the worst time to pee on purpose. any one with children knows that.

Charlotte said...

I think you told MG the perfect thing and the old ladies should just take some Benefiber and relax, good grief.

Heather said...

*cackle* Did you say it loud enough for the judging old ladies to hear you?

Jennifer, Playgroups Are No Place For Children said...

Otherwise the old ladies judge me! HA!!!! I hope you really said that.

Have the T-Shirt said...

Too funny!

Who cares what the old ladies think anyway?

Mandi said...

"otherwise the old ladies judge me!"

Lol!! I think you did great ;-) Haha, I've got boys so I think I'd totally freak if my son took off and went into the MEN'S restroom!