It's a good thing that "blog every day" wasn't my New Years' resolution this year. Jeez.
One of the hard things about having kids is that just when you start to figure it out, things change. You get your legs back under you after having one to begin with, and the little bugger learns to crawl, or needs to eat solid food, or starts sleeping once a day instead of twice, or not at all instead of once. My kids are 4.5 and almost-3, and the constant changes still haven't stopped. We just get our fall schedule figured out, and it's winter break. We just get in a good bedtime routine and Daddy has a business trip and we have to start over. We just sort out who needs what when, and then someone gets the flu and our whole routine is turned on its ear. It's just life, and it's fine, but sometimes I think I'd like to stay in a groove where I feel like, yeah, I've got this, for more than 24 hours.
This constant state of change reminds me to be flexible. It reminds me to be humble (because most of the time, I so haven't got this). It reminds me that life keeps moving forward all the time, no matter what.
Right now, for the first time since Mary Grace was born, I feel like I have a little time in the daily routine to work on myself. That's a nice feeling. I kind of missed myself. Sometimes as a new mom you feel like you spend all of your time taking care of everyone else, and you wonder, "When is it my turn?" Well, the answer appears to be roughly when the littlest one is two and a half. When they can be trusted to sit and watch a movie while you take a shower, when they can entertain themselves the entire time it takes to make dinner, when you don't have to cart a diaper bag the size of the earth around with you everywhere, when getting out the door isn't a 20 minute process... that's when it gets significantly easier. Finally, I have time to take a breath in and let it out again without someone needing something (although while I was writing that, I had to get up and yell at Max for trying to go through the front window at a neighbor, whose mother brought the dog along while selling Girl Scout cookies to the neighborhood - and how good are we for not buying any??).
I'm thinking of my friend who just had her first baby, and wondering if she's thinking, as I did, "Will it always be this hard?" And I guess the answer is, "Yes and no." Yes, it's always going to be challenging, because your child is constantly going to develop and change - s/he'll keep you on your toes and you'll always be working on improving and responding to her needs. But no, it won't always be as hard as it is when they're new. It gets a tiny bit easier every day. And it appears to get a lot easier when they're about two and a half. That's the answer I wish I'd had when my kids were brand new.
I wish I could go back and tell myself.
PS - Happy Birthday Kelly! The girlies and I left you a voicemail at your parents' house - I couldn't find your cell phone number.