You guys are seriously amazing, and I am so grateful for all the love and support you've shown me in emails, comments, messages on Facebook, in person, and via text message and phone call. I am blown away by the amount of pure love that has come my way in the last 12 hours. You know I love you right back. MWAH!
So... Bolstered by your outrage at the things the doctor said to me, I called to get my lab results.
"I was surprised there were only two vials," I said. "That didn't really seem like a full work up."
"Well, they can pull more than one test out of a vial. We did four," the nurse said.
Can't remember what the fourth thing was, but it was normal too. It must have been thyroid...
Normal normal normal. Not "Fat Normal." Just normal.
"So maybe you could tell the doctor for me," I said, "That perhaps the problem isn't that I'm fat, if my cholesterol and lipids were normal. Maybe the problem has nothing at all to do with my weight. And maybe it was reductionist and dismissive and short sighted of him to blame everything on my weight. Maybe telling someone to eat Raisin Bran and Lean Cuisine, instead of real food, is stupid outdated advice. Maybe making assumptions about someone's diet based on a joke she told the nurse is unfair. And maybe it was actually really insulting when he called my parenting into question, having met me twice and never having met my kids at all, and maybe I won't ever, ever be coming back to see Dr. B."
"Ohhh kaaayyy..." she said. "I'll tell him that you've been informed of your test results."
I laughed. Loudly. I might have sounded a little crazy, because she added...
"And I'll tell him you won't be coming back."
"That's fine," I said. "Thanks so much for your help."
So, that happened. (Applause).
And I realized late last night that I had had three cups of coffee and two 32 oz iced teas by the time I got to the doctor yesterday afternoon. Perhaps that could explain why my blood pressure was borderline.
They will pry my coffee out of my cold, dead fist, though. Seriously, I quit soda, I quit smoking, but I will never ever quit caffeine.