Monday, November 5, 2007

It's like reality TV...

So on Saturday I went to buy a new winter coat, and while I was pretty happy with the coat I got, I was pretty unhappy with the number on the tag.

...and I don't mean the price. It was on sale, plus I was within the "early bird" hours, plus I had a coupon...

But there is no such thing as a coupon to take numbers off of the size, unfortunately, and I would gladly pay double price if there were.

I've struggled with my weight my entire life. I can't remember ever, and I mean EVER, feeling good about the way I look. I have a pretty face. I have decent hair. I have a good complexion (most of the time, anyway), but I'm fat.

There, I said it. I am fat.

I'm going to be the MOH for my friend Amanda this December in St. Thomas. And I'm going to be the MOH for my sister next October. And I'm really sick and tired of being the fat bridesmaid, and I'm even more sick and tired of wanting to cut the tags out of my clothes so that no one sees how big they are (as if no one will notice that I'm fat if they don't see the size on my clothes. Ha.)

So Jenny has been doing Weight Watchers, and has been wanting to start a blog support group. I told her this weekend that I was in (but to give me a couple more days to pound leftover Halloween candy before I start, of course). She sent me the rules tonight.

She wants me to post a "before" picture of myself and my current weight. Not the weight on my driver's license, but my real weight. On this blog. This blog that everyone I know reads. The blog that you are reading right this very minute. God only knows who is reading this thing. Half of my hometown might be reading this, for all I know. I get a lot of hits from Grammaland.

Gulp.

I mean, even at the Weight Watchers meetings, you don't have to stand up and announce your weight, or how much you've lost. You can sit in the corner and cry over the fact that you were really good and ate nothing but zero point soup and fat free Jello and you gained 4 pounds anyway because clearly God hates you and wants you to be Jabba the Hut, again, for Halloween. They don't bug you if you do that. Believe me, I know.

I don't think my mom even knows how much I weigh.

I don't know if I can do this.

Because, what if I fail, again?

5 comments:

Milehimama said...

Well, what if?
If you fail this time, have you used all of your chances and you can never try again? Are you going to quit before you start?

You can do it!

Jen said...

I know you can do it. It's about being healthy. You stay honest, and you will lose weight. Be proud of what you are, and you will revel in your success. It's like an addiction, you need to admit there's a problem before you'll succeed. Hello, I'm Jennifer, and I'm overweight. I weighed 165 pounds, and I vow to change.
I have faith in you...
Love,
Jenny

Jen said...

By the way, you need to eat what you are allowed, or your body goes into "starvation" mode and you won't lose - you need to eat to lose weight and it makes perfect sense. It's about good decisions and healthy choices.
Love,
Jenny

Fran said...

I've been a Weight Watcher for about a year and a half. In that time I have quit once, gained 15 lbs. and then rejoined. My total to date is around 30 lbs. I've been hovering around the same few pounds for the last few months. I still want to lose about 10 lbs. I know what I have to do to get there, but I have not committed to it yet.

I'm telling you this because you won't succeed unless you are committed to yourself and you want this for yourself... not to be impressive at a wedding (although that can be a goal) or impress friends/family/strangers, but because you really want to be healthier. WW has taught me that losing weight is not something that will happen overnight and it requires lifestyle changes. I also owe my success to the friends I go with because we lend each other support.

I understand that the posting is scary, but it is all about the accountability. I know the WW program and have all the materials I need so I really don't need to keep going to the meetings. But I still go so that I have some accountability.

Your real friends won't judge you on your number and will be there to support you, celebrate your successes, and help you when you stumble... believe me there will be stumbling. I will be there if/when you decide that this is what you really want for yourself.

I have faith in you too :)
Fran

Jen said...

Not only all that, but your whole family will benefit with healthy foods and snacks available to them, too. Your girls will learn from you, their best role model, about healthy eating and making good decisions. Like Fran said, it's not about a number, it's about improving your health. I know WW doesnt' make you announce your weight... if this is the only thing holding you back just tell me (so I can make your bracelet). But Fran is right there too, in that we don't see you as a number -we will be there for you NO MATTER WHAT YOU WEIGH!!!
Love,
Jen