PrettySarcastic Toys, Inc. is proud to introduce The Lovely Lead Lump!
The Lump (for short) promises to be the must-have toy of the season! More popular than the pet rocks of the 70s, more versatile than the Cabbage Patch kids of the 80s, and more lovable than the Beanie Babies of the 90s, the Lump will define our decade!
The Lump makes the perfect teether! Stick it in the freezer to cool, then let your baby chew her cares away. It's a soft metal, so it won't get brittle and break off. Moms, you don't have to worry about choking anymore.
Of course, your child's art projects will be more dazzling if she mixes her paints with a little bit of powder from The Lump. Who wants dull, dreary reds and yellows, when the addition of a little neurotoxin can spruce them right up and make them pop?
But wait, there's more! Your child's Lump will shield her from radiation! It will reduce engine knock! It will destroy her vulnerable little brain!
Act now and you'll get not one, but two Lumps! But hurry, quantities are limited! Call today!