Don’t be mean to new moms…they’ve got enough to try and adjust to!(Amy here - this is the part that broke my heart, because this reader is a BEAUTIFUL person, whose body has just done an amazing thing - it created LIFE - and she doesn't deserve to have people making her feel this way...)
You wouldn’t believe what I’ve been through. It started with one female relative telling me that I need to dress nice and care about my appearance so that my husband wouldn’t get a "wandering eye." She said that I needed to start caring again, wear make up everyday and buy some high heels and some cuter clothes. Next, a completely different female relative basically walked in the door and started her tirade, it followed a similar vein. However she started by giving me a workout video. And then she gave me a dress in a too-small size. She’s like, “Just save it, after you do the video, it’ll be perfect!!” Then she tells me that she and other female relatives have been talking about how I really need to go on a shopping spree and she said the same damn thing, “You don’t want your husband to start getting a wandering eye!”
Do I look that bad? I mean, you’ve seen me, I know I like to wear jeans and I frequently put my hair up in a messy pony tail, but am I so ugly and fat that my entire family, on both sides are intervening to try and help me?(Amy again, butting in to say AMEN, SISTER!)
I was crying a lot and then I realized that I had a baby a scant 5 ½ months ago, I’ve gotten NO sleep, and even less “me” time. If my husband leaves me right now because I’m not as beautiful as I used to be then HE’S a bastard and I deserve better.
I know that fitness and looking nice are important, but I am one of those weird people that think that love shouldn’t care what you look like, and should understand that I’m adjusting to being a new mom and that my body is a milk factory. That I’m not a movie star and I have to work and I don’t have time to pay a personal trainer to make me pretty while the baby is with a nanny. I live in the real world, and in this world I believe people should be nice to new moms. I would NEVER tell someone who had a baby recently that they look like shit. It’s just adding on to their already mounting anxiety of a million and one things. It’s not like I don’t see my stretch marks, my frizzy ponytail, etc. I see them, but leave me be! At least for the first year. It’s just too much.Ok, seriously. Don't you just want to hug the stuffing out of this poor girl? She's trying to adjust to motherhood, raise her first child, work a full time job, recover from PPD, and deal with an overbearing family, meanwhile the people who should be building her up and telling her YOU CAN DO IT are tearing her down.
It’s the kind of thing that will push women from PPD to PP Psychosis. I mean, I need a little break from my female relatives' criticism, and especially from the criticism of my husband's female relatives!
I haven’t told my husband about this, mostly because part of me is afraid that he would say, “Well, sweetie, it might be time to hit the gym.” And then with no champion, no white knight that loves me if I’m thick or thin, I might just really hit my ultimate breaking point.
Anyway, I know it’s a little dramatic, but it’s true. I thought if you haven’t done a blog like that it might be a good topic.
You know who is in charge of the fitness industry? The food industry. I promise that if we looked hard at where the fitness industry came from, we would find food industry executives who said things like, "Gee, we can't make any money off of this ice cream... Let's sell exercise videos with women who have genetically perfect bodies (or surgically modified bodies - whole NEW industry!) so that people who eat our ice cream will hate themselves and buy our videos. Then, because they're SOUL CRUSHINGLY BORING and HIDEOUS they won't do the videos, which will cause them to hate themselves and eat more ice cream.
People, that's smart marketing.
My guest blogger needs to learn a phrase, and it rhymes with "Fut the huck sup!" Barring that, she needs to grab a page out of Miss Manners' book, the one about how to respond to rude and/or annoying and/or hurtful comments. I think a well-placed, "Why would you say such a thing to me?" would go a long way toward correcting the appalling behavior of her well-meaning but cruel (and thin) female relatives.
In a similar situation, I think I would've said, "Well, my husband and I are planning to be together until we die, so getting him used to these 20 or 30 extra pounds is just practice for when I'm 112 and wrinkled and he has to change my adult diapers."
That mental image would've shut them up.
So, the take away, folks, is that everyone needs to be nice to new moms. Or else I will assault you with mental imagery.
Let's all leave loving, supportive comments for today's brave guest blogger, ok? I'll start:
WE LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!