Crazy burn remedies

So I nuked the last cup of coffee in a non-microwave-safe cup (oops) and when I tried to take it out of the microwave, I burned the hell out of my thumb.

Luckily I managed to get it back into the microwave without spilling scalding coffee all over, but my thumb really hurts! So, I start googling (because of course I don't have burn cream in the house).

Egg white - felt ok while it was on there, but quickly wears off. Unpleasantly slimy.

Vinegar - takes the "sting" out and lasts for a minute before it comes back, long enough to make you hope that it's done hurting. Smells horrible.

Orange slices - MG didn't finish her orange for breakfast, so I stuck my thumb in one of the slices. This has worked the best, so far. Smells lovely.

Honey - initial relief, but wears off quickly. Smells great. Sticky.

Baking soda and water paste - works as long as you keep your burn in the paste.

Ice - helps the most, but I'm probably doing damage somehow. Portable, but messy.

Chocolate - doesn't help the burn at all, but made me feel better.