Holy God, this hurts. I can't even hold Claire on my left side, it hurts so badly.
The warm shower/hand compression combo didn't work, so I called the OB/GYN, and his nurse said to pump (and to call if it gets red or I get a fever). So, I borrowed my friend Karen's pump (you know you're good friends when you're sharing breast pumps), and continued with the heat and the pump.
I'm going to try lecithin (1200 mg, 3 - 4 times/day, in case you're googling "my duct is plugged and I'm about to get out the melon baller and take care of it my damn self if it doesn't stop hurting now now now!" and you've come across this, is what Kellymom recommends, or was it Dr. Sears? Who cares, as long as I can do something...). I'm also going to try soaking it in warm water with epsom salts (isn't that what old people use on their feet? I hope I don't start smelling like old feet...) And next time she needs to eat, I'm going to put Claire on her back, hang over her, and nurse her, to see if a little gravity assist will help. I sincerely hope that she doesn't need to eat while we're out to lunch with Karen, because nursing in public is one thing, but putting the baby on her back on the table at the restaurant while hanging over her and nursing is a little indiscreet for my tastes.
The only other recommendations were lots of fluids (check), good diet (check), and rest (HAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!).
Thank GOD it's just BJ and I in our office, because if I worked for someone else I would have had to call off. (And remember, I have given birth naturally twice, and I was back at work 3 days after Claire was born. I have a high pain tolerance). Yes, it's that bad. This is ridiculous.
Stay tuned for further updates. And if you have any advice/suggestions/sympathy/stories about how you lived through this, please leave a comment!