Thursday, April 16, 2009

It's Like The Messiest Confetti Ever

I let the kids get the Play-Doh out today. They LOVE the Play-Doh because I never let them get it out. I never let them get it out because 1) it's a bitch to clean up, and 2) I'm anal which means I go nuts when they inevitably 3) mix all the damn colors together so that everything is brownish beige, and then 4) smear it on every available surface, including my new rug.

Have you ever had one of those days when you are honestly entertaining the thought of burning down your house, because dealing with insurance and rebuilding would be easier than cleaning it, at this point? That's kind of how this day was. I should be downstairs vacuuming. Instead...

I saw my OB/GYN this morning. He walked in, and I said, with all the indignance that I could muster while wearing a hospital gown and a thin white sheet, "I am SO MAD AT YOU!" before he even said hi.

We talked about it, and the whole problem is that he signed a covenant not to compete, so he can't practice in this area for two years after he leaves the group that he's with now. Seems to me that that's b.s. and he could totally sue (after all, didn't I learn something in business law to the tune of "you can't legally sign your rights away" and wouldn't a covenant like that be essentially signing away his right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of catching babies? But I digress...). I guess he's not even moving from his house. I happen to know where he lives, because he lives in the same neighborhood as one of our business partners, so I told him, "Look, we don't need to break up, I'll just show up on your lawn when I'm in labor with my next kid... It's not like it'll take long - I figure 23 minutes if the trend continues - and you can just deliver me at your house and we'll bring you a Scrabble board like my mom did when she had my brother at home," (he actually remembered that story, so it didn't sound half as crazy to him as it does to you). His house is actually closer to our house than the hospital by about 15 minutes. He never actually said, "Amy, don't show up at my house in labor," so I figure I just will, and since he took an oath he'll have to deliver my next baby, and we can work out the whole, "OH! You thought I was kidding!" thing later.

I'm not currently pregnant. I just like to plan ahead.

We actually had a very nice visit, and he oohed and aahed appropriately over the pictures of the kids that I had on my iPod. It was very friendly and chatty and seriously who knew that I could like a gyno this much? I think the thing I like best about him is that he totally gets my whacky nervous humor, and laughs at my jokes and doesn't let things get all awkward. Some gynos let things get awkward - I once said to the 70 year old woman at Planned Parenthood, when she described what she was about to do, "But you haven't even taken me out for dinner yet!" I was just trying to lighten the mood, deflect a little of my own tension. She didn't laugh. It was awkward. It made everything more tense and uncomfortable.

BJ does the nervous awkward humor too, like when I was 8 weeks along with MG and in the middle of the transvaginal ultrasound BJ says, "Do you think we could get better reception if I moved her arms?" Can you imagine if our OB/GYN couldn't handle our brand of awkward nervous humor? How awful would that be?

So, yeah, I'll be seeing you Dr. Scott. In your front yard. It'll be a party. And this time, I won't forget the coffee.

(Ok, I just saw the title I put up there when I was talking about the Play-Doh, and realized that I just totally double entendre-d myself without even noticing, but I'm going to leave it because it's funny...)


RobMonroe said...

Yeah, I was more than uncomfortable reading the title and realizing it was a post about your OB/GYN...

Amy said...

Hahah! I was talking about the Play-doh!! :)

Fran said...

So are all the OB/GYNs leaving the area. I just got a letter today that mine is moving to Colorado.

It's only been 4 years and now I have to find a new doctor... perfect end to a sucky week!


Let me know if you get any good referrals.