Wednesday, April 15, 2009

What I Say In A Day

It's not morning yet, go back to sleep.

Shhhh.

Shhhh!

SHHHH!

Here, let's turn on Disney.

Daddy will get your milk.

No, it's too cold to wear that, do you want this or this?

Claire, put your clothes back on.

Stop that.

No.

What do you want for breakfast?

Eat your breakfast.

You asked for eggs and toast, now eat it.

Eat your breakfast.

We don't eat suckers for breakfast.

We don't eat chocolate for breakfast.

Fine, you can have cheese.

Eat your cheese.

Why did you ask for it if you weren't going to eat it?

Don't speak to your sister that way.

Max is going to eat your cheese, Claire.

Take a time out, Mary Grace.

Claire, leave Sister alone while she's in time out.

Why did you get a time out?

Max can't have that, Claire.

That's right, let's use gentle hands and gentle voices today.

Are you finished going potty?

Claire, do you have dirty pants?

There's no reason to scream about it.

If you don't want me to change your pants, then you need to go on the potty.

Are you done going potty?

Are you done?

Are you finished?

I don't control what's on TV, if you don't want to watch this, we'll turn it off.

Leave that alone.

Put the batteries back in the remote.

Give me the remote.

Give it to me.

Give it to me right now.

Thank you.

Say, "please."

No, you can't have a sucker.

I'm on the phone.

No talking when I'm on the phone.

Be QUIET when I'm on the phone.

What is this on my head? It's a phone. Shhhh.

SHHHH.

Take a time out.

Claire, leave Sister alone when she's in time out.

Why did you get a time out?

That's right, it's important to listen.

We need to go, where are your shoes?

Where are your shoes?

Why aren't your shoes in the shoe cubby?

No, you can't wear plastic princess shoes.

Get in the car.

Get in the car.

Get in the car.

Let's get in the car.

Get out of the puddle. Get in the car.

Am I speaking Spanish? Get in the car!

You need to be quiet while Mommy's driving.

I can't reach that while I'm driving.

I'll give it to you when we get there.

You can't take that inside, it needs to stay in the car.

It needs to stay here.

It stays. Here.

In the car.

Inside voices.

Don't hit.

Shhhh.

No running.

Quiet.

It's not time to go yet.

What do you want for lunch today?

Okay.

Let's go home.

It's time to go home.

We're going home now.

I'M going home now, if you want to come with me, it's time to straighten up and come with me.

It's a long walk home from here.

If you pick your nose again, I'm going to tape your fingers into lobster claws.

You heard me.

Don't drink that, it's old.

Drink your milk.

NO, not the old milk.

Give it to me.

You asked for that, why won't you eat it?

Eat.

Eat your lunch.

It's time to eat.

Sit down.

Stay here.

Don't stand on the chair.

Sit down.

Eat your lunch.

If you don't eat lunch, you're not getting anything else until snack.

Don't take her lunch.

Inside voices.

Sit down.

Daddy's at work.

Daddy would tell you the same thing.

Daddy will be home at supper time.

It's nap time.

Yes you do.

Yes you do.

I need you to take a nap.

That's because you didn't eat your lunch. If you'd eaten when I told you to, you wouldn't be hungry now. Now, go to sleep.

Shhhh...

Yes, I'll read your story.

Fine, go potty, then come right back here and go to sleep.

Now go to sleep.

Shhh...

Sleep.

It's nap time.

Be quiet, your sister is sleeping.

Pick that up, please.

Quiet.

Shhhh...

Sleep.

Why won't you sleep?

Thank God, they're asleep.

Did you have a nice nap?

Don't wake your sister up.

Yes, you can have some cocoa.

What do you want for snack?

I don't think that's a good idea, how about Goldfish?

How about cheese?

How about crackers?

How about grapes?

Hi, Claire, how was your nap?

The grapes are nasty, let's have a banana.

Ok. Eat your banana.

Why did you ask for it if you weren't going to eat it?

Eat it.

Don't feed the banana to the dog.

You guys are going to make Max sick.

Daddy will be home in a little while.

No, we can't go to Disneyworld today.

Who told you about Disneyworld, anyway?

Stop that.

That's an outside toy.

Be nice.

If you guys can't be nice to each other, I'm going to take that toy away.

I mean it.

Ok, it's mine.

Stop crying.

Well, you should've thought of that before you threw it.

Who wants to color?

Very nice.

No, I don't want to draw cats.

Claire, don't eat the crayons.

Claire, don't.

Crayons are not food.

You won't eat your banana, but you'll eat yellow crayons.

Seriously?

Daddy's home!

Who colored on the fireplace?

I'm making dinner.

I'll get it for you when I'm done making dinner.

I'm still making dinner.

I'm still making dinner.

Ok, what do you need?

No, you can't have that before dinner.

It's time for supper.

Eat your supper.

Eat it.

Eat this.

No, you can't have a hot dog.

No, you can't have peanut butter and jelly.

How do you know it's yucky, you haven't even tried it!

Two more bites.

Two more bites.

Two more bites.

Two more real bites.

Yes, you may be excused.

Take your plate to the sink, please.

It's almost bath time.

It's almost bath time.

It's time for bath.

Let's go take a bath.

Don't play with the bath water, it's too hot, still.

Ok, it's fine now, get in.

No, it's not to hot, I checked.

It's not hot.

It's fine.

Don't dump that on her head.

Don't take that from her.

Don't take that.

Stop it.

Be nice.

If you can't be nice we're going to get out.

Don't.

It's time to wash your hair.

Yes, it is.

Yes it is.

If you don't want me to comb out the tangles, maybe we should just get it all cut off.

That's better.

Good job.

Ok, let's get out.

Go potty.

Brush your teeth.

Let me help you brush your teeth.

Let me help you, too.

Ok, what story do you want?

No, we're not reading that, it's 300 pages long.

Ok, we'll read that.

Yes, you can have one more story.

No, it's sister's turn to turn off the lights.

Give me a kiss.

I love you.

Come snuggle.

Daddy and I are going into our room in 5 minutes.

Daddy and I are going into our room in 3 minutes.

Daddy and I are going into our room in 1 minute, you'd better come lay down.

Lay down.

No, you can't have that, it's too hard to sleep with.

Ok, good night, I love you.

Good night.

Get back in bed.

You need to stay in your bed.

Good night.

I'm not kidding, if you can't stay in your bed I'm going to shut the door.

Get in bed.

Get in your bed.

Get in your own bed.

Good night.

No, get in bed.

Get in your bed.

Get in your own bed.

Good night.

Good night.

I love you too.

Good night.

(fin)

And then tomorrow, we'll do it all again.

12 comments:

Mimi said...

Holy Crap! I'M exhausted.....

Maggie said...

Wow, that was very entertaining. Also great birth control! Thanks for that ;)

ps--are you on Twitter?

Amy said...

Maggie - tried to e-mail your profile is hidden. I am on twitter, occasionally, @prettybabies

:)

Anonymous said...

That is sooo funny...sounds about like what i say everyday! Must be the ages.

Charlotte said...

Oh, I feel your pain and have said most of that myself!

Anonymous said...

That's a good piece of writing, Amy.

karen said...

OK. Where did you hide the recorder at my house?
Seriously.

Anonymous said...

That was so stinkin true and real and funny. Thanks for continuing to make me laugh!
Connie

Amber said...

Ha! That's so great. I'm exhausted too, but only b/c that about sums up my day. :) But I have a 7 year old and an almost 2 year old, so mine might be a little different.

Clicking over from little april rose. I agree with your comment over there. I worry that she might regret that decision.

Carmen said...

I don't remember how I stumbled onto your blog but I LOVE this post! It made me feel a lot better about the interactions I have with my son. You start to feel like a crazy person after awhile. This is why is wish I had been made a more patient person:)

I will be sending a link of this to every mother I know.

Have the T-shirt said...

Sounds vaguely familiar...way in the distant past, and it made me laugh :)

Heidi said...

Good grief, you recorded my day. All I'd need to do is change the names of the children/dog and remove the part about suckers (thankfully, my kids haven't seen one yet.) Only 16 or so more years of this...