Zoloft

Dr. Google is not my friend. One time when I was a kid and I got a hold of the Merck Manual, I decided I had prostate cancer. I don't think I'm a hypochondriac, necessarily, but if I start reading about withdrawl symptoms I should be having, you can bet your bippy that I'll have 'em all by suppertime. I'm highly suggestible.

Let's all try not to use that against me, mmmkay?

I'm having mild tremors. Not to the point that I can't drive or anything, but it's a little annoying. And last night my hands were freezing, but that just made all my new friends at LBC think that I had a warm heart.

Here's the thing about being on Zoloft for the better part of the last 3 years - I don't like me. I am not as creative, or as much fun. I feel very beige. It's not cool.

B.J. has said that he doesn't like it when I'm on anti-depressants. I mean, who wants a beige wife?

And I really want to be off all this sh*t before I get knocked up again. Claire's fine, of course, but looking back, I'm not sure that staying on meds for the first 2/3 of my pregnancy was the best decision. Of course, I'd just gotten ON them when I got pregnant with her, so maybe it was better that I stayed on them and got sane... Hard to say. But I went off of it (cold turkey, I'm hardcore) at the beginning of my 3rd trimester with Claire, and I went back on them immediately after giving birth. I was afraid of going down the road I went down with MG. Too scary. I took the easy, pharmaceutical way around that.

So here I am, I've been on Z for 19 months solid, and we're talking about another baby, and I really think I can handle going off them now. I don't think I can really say that I still have PPD if the baby I got it with is 3, you know?

According to About.com

Zoloft has a half-life of about one day. That means that for every day that passes without taking the medication the level in the blood falls by 50%. After one day the level is reduced to 50% of the original level, after two days to 25%, after three days to 12.5%, and so on.

The last day I remember taking it was 10/9. So, according to that, it's all but out of my system now, right? So it seems like I'd just be asking for trouble if I started taking 100mg today (instead of tapering up the way I should've tapered down). Here's the plan:

I'm going to call Dr. M and get an appointment for early next week. I have some other crap to talk to him about anyway, so I'm going to just slide in there, "Oh by the way, I'm a dumbass and I quit my meds without talking to you about it. What now?"

I'm going to try to stay off of them, but maybe he'll put me on a low dose (I was on 100mg) to counteract some of the cold pricklies I'm feeling here.

I'm going to realize that I'm not myself right now, and try not to do or say anything stupid or damaging while I'm in this place.

I'm going to play more music at home, because I know it helps me. Not freaking Nosrus Tap, either. My music. The kids are just going to have to cope.

I'm going to take more fiber and this Power 4 juice supplement that I found - it's made of Acai, Goji, Noni, and Mangosteen juice (and tastes like death warmed over). According to the label, it promotes:

• healthy immune system function
• healthy inflammatory processes
• healthy energy levels & resistance to fatigue
• healthy aging
• healthy libido (woo hoo!)
• healthy blood sugar levels
• healthy mood
• healthy liver function
• healthy microbial balance
• healthy eyes
• healthy cardiovascular system

I keep reading that fiber is the key to losing weight, which would totally make me feel better, and that this acai stuff is magic. Some chick on the internet (because we all know you can believe everything you read on the internet) said she lost 47 pounds without doing anything but taking major doses of fiber and drinking this acai stuff. They had pure acai, too, but I thought the label of the 4 in 1 sounded happier, and broader. I guess all of these berries are chock full of antioxidants (like blueberries and pomegranite, only more exotic and more concentrated).

And the fiber is kind of a no-brainer. It gets into your system and expands, and makes you feel full. How have I gone 32 years, at least 20 of which I've wanted to lose weight, without figuring this out?! So I'm taking 1 oz of the juice blend and 2 fiber pills before each meal. We'll see how that goes. I'm also going to eat healthier, of course, but I find that very boring to read about and very depressing to actually do, so some early Halloween candy might sneak in there, and we might just have to gloss over it and move on.

I'm going to use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy on myself (which I've used before, and I'm good at it and it works really well for me).

I'm going to lean heavily on all of you.

Try not to piss me off. Hahhaa...