Ok, first of all, Oprah's disembodied head over there -----> is creeping me right the heck out.
I liked Oprah better when she was fat and relevant. It seems like, since she lost the weight, she's been all about her fabulous friends and celebrity gossip, and less about real people with real life problems. I don't want to hear about living "my best life" from someone who has 13 squajillion dollars, ok Oprah? If I had 13 squajillion dollars, I could find inner peace and fulfillment. Until then, well, that's why God invented Zoloft...
Speaking of Zoloft, the kids were up at the crack of dawn this morning. I am going to put them on a train to Grammaland, so someone pick them up at the station, ok? It would be one thing if they were awake and in a good mood, but they're not. They are awake and whiny and fussy. MG has already gotten several time outs for not using a "big girl tone of voice." I am seriously considering washing the whiny voice out of her mouth with soap. I just can't deal with this crap this early in the morning.
When they are teenagers and they sleep constantly, I'm going to get an air horn, and I am going to go in at random intervals and wake them up with the air horn... Because I can.
So, kids, if you're reading this 10 or 15 years from now, wondering why in the heck I just came into your room and blasted an air horn in your ear, cackled, and ran out of the room... Now you know.