Sunday, September 14, 2008

Bad Babies

Ok, first of all, Oprah's disembodied head over there -----> is creeping me right the heck out.

I liked Oprah better when she was fat and relevant. It seems like, since she lost the weight, she's been all about her fabulous friends and celebrity gossip, and less about real people with real life problems. I don't want to hear about living "my best life" from someone who has 13 squajillion dollars, ok Oprah? If I had 13 squajillion dollars, I could find inner peace and fulfillment. Until then, well, that's why God invented Zoloft...

Speaking of Zoloft, the kids were up at the crack of dawn this morning. I am going to put them on a train to Grammaland, so someone pick them up at the station, ok? It would be one thing if they were awake and in a good mood, but they're not. They are awake and whiny and fussy. MG has already gotten several time outs for not using a "big girl tone of voice." I am seriously considering washing the whiny voice out of her mouth with soap. I just can't deal with this crap this early in the morning.

When they are teenagers and they sleep constantly, I'm going to get an air horn, and I am going to go in at random intervals and wake them up with the air horn... Because I can.

So, kids, if you're reading this 10 or 15 years from now, wondering why in the heck I just came into your room and blasted an air horn in your ear, cackled, and ran out of the room... Now you know.


adymommy said...

I'm with you all the way! Ady was up at 1:50am wanting to talk. In fact she actually said "mommy we never have a chance to chat anymore" Since the hubby is gone I left her in my bed in hopes that the rain would keep her snoozing until 8. She is still asleep but Jaden was up yelling "I WANT MY DADDY" at 5:43am. UGH.
My tired thoughts are with you today. Hopefully you can get a good naptime.

Anonymous said...

Haha DH and I always talk about how when he's 13 we're going to stand under his door and yell WAAAAHHHH WAAAAAH

RobMonroe said...

you go girl!! Maybe you and I can go in business and sell Teen-Horns in a few years!

Lynn said...

Hilarious...I will join you with the air horn. A few weeks ago I told my kids that when I was young, if I said a bad word my mother would wash out my mouth with soap. This has turned out to be such a terrifying concept that they are demanding a list of "forbidden" words so that they know what they should never say. I didn't produce such a list, so now they're living on the edge. Maybe if you just threaten with the'll be enough!

Honig said...

OMG! That is so 5 mo old son was up about 6 times from 1130 until 530 this morning and nursed twice, when typically he sleeps all night. So today my sleep deprived brain is all over the air horn idea when he's 15 and won't get out of bed.

PS-I've really enjoyed your blog, esp as I've made the transition over the last couple of months to being a mommy myself (found your blog while preggers). Good job!