Creating a Dialogue

It wasn't a drive by! It was probably one of my relatives, actually. I totally suspected one of my uncles (who I dare not name), until our AC asserted her femininity. Therefore, in the interest of greater understanding, creating an open dialogue, and presenting all sides of what can be a very touchy debate, I bring you, part 2:

I didn't mean to get you all riled up, I just believe that a women should be covered while breastfeeding...and I am a woman. You do not have to use a flannel blanket or sit in your car, but it would be nice if you used a light cloth or something as it does make some people uncomfortable. Also, I saw in your post that you still allow one of your children to "noodle" if she falls down, is unhappy, etc. This is not a healty coping mechanism for her to learn. Sometimes a child must learn to get up, brush themselves off, cry a little bit, and move on. It's ok for a child to be upset. It's part of growing up. I know that is hard for a mother of a young child to comprehend as she doesn't want to lose her "babies," but down the line what is going to happen down the line? If she doesn't get into that Ivy League college that she applied for are you going to let her breastfeed to soothe her? I am sure you are a fabulous mother and I am sure your kids love you to death...I just have some opinions just like the next person. 

Hoo, boy!

Let's take this one point at a time...

I didn't mean to get you all riled up, I just believe that a women should be covered while breastfeeding...and I am a woman.

That's not what you said.  You said it should be illegal.  As in, I'm in public nursing my child, and you see me and call the cops, and they come and cuff me and take me to jail, and obviously my baby isn't going to go to jail with me, so you separate us and put her in foster care or something.  That's what would happen if it were "illegal."  It's a far cry from being covered while nursing.

However, as someone who believes that hyperbole is the best thing EVER!, I understand that while you may have said "illegal" it probably isn't what you truly meant.  Still, I think words have power, and sometimes it's important to think things through to their logical conclusion (mom in jail, nursing pair separated, traumatized baby, strain on the already overburdened legal system, etc. etc.).

You say you are a woman (on the internet, no one knows).  Have you ever breastfed a child?  If you had, you would know that this:

You do not have to use a flannel blanket or sit in your car, but it would be nice if you used a light cloth or something as it does make some people uncomfortable.

...is ridiculous.  

As I said in my other post, any baby over about 3 weeks is going to pull your "light cloth" right off of her head.  If I were her, I would too!  Next time you eat lunch in public, try doing it with a pillowcase over your head, and see how comfortable and inconspicuous you feel.

Also, I saw in your post that you still allow one of your children to "noodle" if she falls down, is unhappy, etc. This is not a healty coping mechanism for her to learn. 

Are you a shrink?  A specialist in childhood development?  A doctor, even?  Because I would like to see credentials, or at the very least some kind of cite from a reputable publication (like a medical journal) that says allowing my child to nurse for comfort is teaching her an unhealthy coping mechanism.

Have you spent any significant time with a child under, say, 2 years old?  They're not really all that reasonable or rational.  They're pretty basic, actually.  They have needs, and when they need they expect the adult in charge to fill that need right now.  They don't think, "Gosh, it's nice that Mom nurses me, this is how I cope with adversity!  Thank God I never need to learn another coping mechanism!"  They think, "Phew!  Mom's still here and taking care of me.  I feel better right now."  They live very much "in the moment."

You have to remember that I already have one child who I nursed until 28 months old, and who has been weaned since December, and who is doing all kinds of wonderful things.  If you had suggested a couple years ago that I might be stunting her emotional growth, I might have thought, "Am I?  Holy crap, I never thought of that!" and panicked over it for the next week or so.  But I have proof that one can "noodle" a child on demand, even for non-nutritive purposes, and still have her turn out happy, healthy, well-adjusted, and able to cope with all sorts of disappointment without turning to my boobs.  Therefore, I am confident that Claire will, too.  And believe me, there will be much rejoicing when that day comes.

Your argument about not getting into an Ivy League college (as IF my brilliant kids won't get into any school they like!) is the same as saying, "You can't let that baby use diapers!  What are you going to do, send her to Harvard in Depends?"  Babies are at a developmental stage where they NEED to nurse/use diapers.  College students are past that age.  It's disingenuous to suggest that what I'm doing with my kids today will be what I'm doing with them 15 or 17 years from now.  It's really a foolish argument.  

Sometimes a child must learn to get up, brush themselves off, cry a little bit, and move on. It's ok for a child to be upset. It's part of growing up. 

You assume that I nurse them every single time they cry until the day they're weaned.  That couldn't be further from the truth.  If Claire gets in trouble for biting (something that has been happening often, lately, because she's at that age...), I will reprimand her, and she will cry, and I don't nurse her to make her feel better.  If she could talk she would say, "Believe me, I get up and brush myself off and cry a little bit and move on every day!  I have an older sister, for Pete's sake, and the bruises to prove it!"

I know that is hard for a mother of a young child to comprehend as she doesn't want to lose her "babies," but down the line what is going to happen down the line?

First of all, I can't WAIT to lose my babies.  Well, not literally lose them, but I'm excited about them growing up.  Babies are a lot of freaking work, and while they may be cute, cuddly, etc. they also cry a lot, don't sleep enough, can't communicate well...  I mean, it's like living with a very short Hitler who only speaks German (or jibberish) and who has a complete heart-rending meltdown every time you dare to defy him.  Good Lord, I can't wait until they're 4 and 6, or 5 and 7, and we can do more fun things (travel, theater, etc.) and we can go entire weeks without any crying.  I know a lot of mommies have a hard time with the idea of their "babies" growing up, but I am not one.

And since Mary Grace is already weaned, I can tell you with confidence that down the line, they're both going to be just fine.  Awesome, even.  Happy, well-adjusted, well-bonded, confident, smart, healthy, ear-infection free children.  

You might remember that the overarching point of the post where I mentioned "noodling" was, "OMG, Brandi, wean him now while you have the chance!!"

If she doesn't get into that Ivy League college that she applied for are you going to let her breastfeed to soothe her? I am sure you are a fabulous mother and I am sure your kids love you to death...I just have some opinions just like the next person. 

Yeah, I already addressed the college bit.

I'm really happy that you came back to clarify your position.  I hope that you'll continue to read and comment, even if we don't see eye to eye on every issue.  And I hope that my explanations have helped you to understand what goes on in a nursing relationship, and why nursing in public is a basic human right that should not be denied to any nursing pair.

Edited to add:  Be sure to read the comments!!