The Things She Says

When was the last time you read Horton Hears a Who? Remember the end, where the sour kangaroo is going to toss Horton's clover, with the dust speck full of Whos, into the Beezelnut oil?

Fast forward to yesterday, when we were at the McDriveThru, and I ordered a medium hazelnut iced coffee... I hear an outraged, "Beezelnut coffee???" from the back seat, and for the next 10 minutes I had to listen to how Mary Grace does not like Beezelnut coffee, or Beezelnut oil, or Beezelnut stew, or Beezelnut juice in this holier-than-thou accusatory tone that suggested that I was part of the problem, and that if people like me didn't support the Beezelnut industry, there wouldn't be Beezelnut oil to boil Whos in. Telling her that it was iced, so it couldn't boil anyone, no matter how small, had no effect.

***

Lately she wants to hear stories about when everyone was a kid (I have a feeling this is due to Grandpa telling her stories about when he was a kid). I wasn't really sure what to say when she said, "Tell me a story about when Claire was a kid," this morning.

***

Thanks to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and the episode with Minnie's picnic, she has been eating way too many hot dog buns lately. Plain. No hot dog. I don't get it either.

***

The other day she was playing and I heard her say, "Leave me alone, I have to finish paying the bills..." I wonder where she heard that.

***

I was driving and I reached up to scratch my neck, and she admonished me to keep both of my hands on the "driving wheel." Damn you, Safety Patrol! And Captain Carlos, Guardian of Good Nutrition, can go suck some trans fats, too, while we're at it. I think we need to quit watching Playhouse Disney.

***

She keeps talking about a man coming into her room at night and "teasing" her with a flashlight. This one really has me freaked out. I mean, I know that Max would lose her mind if an actual man were to come into our house at night and tease anyone with a flashlight. Particularly because flashlights, in general, make Max lose her mind. I'm not sure if she's having nightmares, or she's being abducted by aliens or what, but she's talked about it a couple days in a row, now, including this morning. I've been telling her that it's just Daddy and me coming in at night to check on them, but she insists that a man is teasing her with a flashlight. Booga booga. I've checked her for tracking devices and other objects that the aliens may have implanted. I may have to make her a tinfoil hat. I'll keep you posted.


(Picture stolen from some crazy website that's talking about the end of the world... Whatever.)